I’ve been with my husband for a year and a half. He has a two year old daughter from a previous relationship. I get along well with the mother and adore the little girl, but sometimes I feel like when we get her he makes me do all of the work. We only get her on weekends and not ever every weekend. It’s technically supposed to be every other Friday-Monday but sometimes it’s weekly, it depends on if the mother wants time to herself more that week (which can kind of suck because he tells us literally last minute and it doesn’t matter if we’ve made plans).
This week was a little off so we’ve had her yesterday and today. Yesterday she was dropped off at 8 am and he was so sleepy that he went back to bed at 9 am and didn’t wake up until 4 pm (even though we both got the exact same amount of sleep the night before). We went to bed at the same time last night, but he woke up several times throwing up and feeling sick throughout the night. I woke up with him most of the times though and took care of him, made him food, gave him medicine, cuddled him, etc. Then his daughter woke up around 8 am today and he said he didn’t feel well enough to get up, so I’m up with her. I told him he might have to wake up by 3 because I have to shower and get ready before we take her back at 6 pm because I have work related things to do tonight. He said he’d try to, or I can just bring her in the bedroom with him so he can still lay down.
I know I can’t blame him for being sick, but this happens very, very often. I work weekend nights so usually when we have her I leave for work at 9 pm and don’t get home until 8 am. There have been times he hasn’t been able to get up because he said he couldn’t sleep or he’s sick and I’ll have to pull an all-nighter, get an hour nap sometime in the day, then go to work that night again (I have an hour and a half drive to work).
I’m the only one who works. My job is relatively easy and pays a lot, so I was okay with this arrangement as long as he did almost all of the housework and stuff. I don’t feel like taking care of his daughter more than he does should be my responsibility. And he doesn’t even give me credit, he tries to say he takes more care of her than I do.
6 comments
Talk to him about it. Tell him you understand this last time was because he was ill but every other time the amount of effort has been unfair.
So you started dating him when he had a barely 6 month old baby with another woman? And you are already married a year and a half later? And he doesn’t have a job and still makes you do all the work taking care of his child?
I’m sorry but this isn’t going to end well…
The fact that he doesn’t work and you still feel you’re doing the bulk of the childcare speaks volumes I think. Especially that you work overnights. If I were you I would make yourself a schedule of what you need to get through your night shift and your sleep shift and stick with it. Tell him if he is too tired or for whatever reason to watch her when you’re supposed to be getting sleep that every human being needs that he needs to coordinate childcare for his daughter. I worked overnight shifts for a year or so and it always surprised me that people thought they could ask me to do things during my “night time”. Like if I called someone and asked them to do something at 2:00 in the morning that they shouldn’t have a problem because hey I’m awake!
It understandable that he was sick, but like I said he would need to figure out what to do for care for his daughter. I understand in an emergency but if it keeps happening he’s being lazy. HE is the default parent, not you.
That post history tho. He chokes you. He’s choked and hit his ex and left when baby was a month. He didn’t bother with baby until you came around to pay all the bills and be a nanny. You want him to get a job ..he should at least get a job or be in school.. STOP justifying him. You can still travel and go out, you don’t need him sitting at home waiting for you. The dancing won’t last forever… and you might not last forever if you stay with him.
He does not work and you take care of his child more than he does.
What does he bring to the relationship?
He’s manipulating you in more ways than one. Seems like he saw you coming – a girl that is okay w him not working, then why not see if your okay doing most of the work for his kid? There are men who work full time and still do housework, so idc how much $ you make that’s a unfair arrangement and he knows it so he probably think he can take advantage of you. You’ve only been together a total of 1.5 years and he had a child from another relationship so it seems like you really rushed into this.