I’m struggling to recover after my breakup. How we met- We initially met on a dating app where we started chatting and then exchanged social medias and video called daily. After some time I went and met him at halls a couple times and stayed nights with him. He was romantic and even brought me a promise ring. He’s 21 and I’m 19. We always spoke about how we never thought we would find anything on the app and how we were so glad to have come across each other.
We had so much in common, got on so well he introduced me to some of his friends and told people about me too. I just never knew his parents weren’t aware. We hardly ever had serious arguments and fights but if we did they would be resolved quickly. I thought everything was going so well and just expected to be with this person for a long period of time however, unexpectedly he told me his parents weren’t happy about us being of different cultures and wanted him to break up with me. He went ahead and broke up with me. It has left me shocked. I never seen this coming.
I have spoken to him but he has made it clear that he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. He wants to remain friends but I have been ignoring him and then responding slightly to his message. I’m Just so confused and so hurt. This was the first relationship I’ve ever been in. It only lasted 6 months but I built such a strong attachment within this time and got used to staying nights planning things on the weekend. I just don’t know what to do and how to get over it.
I just keep thinking was there another reason as some of my family are strict for example my parents are separated and well my father and older brother had told me I cannot be with someone of a different culture. I told him I would not follow that and breaking up with my now ex never crossed my mind in the time we were together. I just think how could he leave me so easily? Is there something behind this.
Any advice would be helpful. How do I get over this? Should I remain friends or cut the contact. Did he have a reasonable reason to leave?
3 comments
>How do I get over this?
With time. Put yourself first and do what’s best for you.
>Should I remain friends or cut the contact?
Being in contact with him would only keep you from moving on, so I think no contact is the best option
>Did he have a reasonable reason to leave?
Any reason is reasonable when it comes to a break up. If he didn’t want to be with you anymore, there would have been no point in staying with you.
Coming out of your first relationship is hard, and I’m sorry it had to happen like that. But you will heal over time. He has decided that he values his connection to his “culture” and his family over any prospects of a relationship, so maybe you dodged a bullet there anyway. You might not have done the same, but it’s what he chose to do. It is what it is. Is it a reasonable reason to leave? Sure. Any reason is reasonable. If someone doesn’t want to stay in a relationship then they should leave, it’s that simple. That doesn’t reflect on you though. There’s nothing you could have done better, you couldn’t have changed him, nor should you have. He wants to live his way and you don’t fit into it. That doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it means you’re not appropriate for him.
Whether or not you stay friends is up to you. If staying friends is too difficult for you, then don’t. Simply tell him that it doesn’t work for you to stay friends and move on. How do you get over it? With time. There’s really not much else you can do. Focus on your studies, spend time with friends, do whatever brings you joy in your life and the hurt will get smaller every day.
I mean, a person can break up with someone for literally any reason, it doesn’t matter if it’s unreasonable or not. A better question to ask is whether you’ve dodged a bullet – it doesn’t seem like he was as invested in you as you were in him.
I don’t think you should remain friends. That just complicates things, esp since you still have feelings for him.