My boyfriend is a really great guy, he’s kind, sweet, polite, funny, smart. My parents do like him too, and I’ve told him that. And he said he likes them too, he thinks my dad is funny and my mom is cool. But he’s always super nervous when we go to my house, I feel like I almost have to push and beg him to go… For example, it was my dad’s birthday the other day and my mom invited us over for lunch and cake… He was so nervous before going to their place, he had to drink a beer to relax.
It makes me feel bad because it’s important to me that he gets along with my family, but I also don’t want to push him into something that makes him so uncomfortable… I tried talking to him about it, but he says he doesn’t know why that is, that it’s just the way he is, shy and nervous (tbh I do know he is kinda shy, he was super nervous when we started going out).
Is there anything I can do to help him relax?
I don’t know if that matters, but we spend time with his parents all the time and I’m totally okay with that, I never make a big deal out of it. We only spent time with my parents like two or three times. Will it get better with time, as he gets to know them better?
Any advice is welcome, thanks!
Tl;dr: my shy boyfriend gets very nervous when I tell him we’re gonna spend time with my family, even though they’re all on good terms with each other. Is there anything I can do to help him feel less uncomfortable?
4 comments
yes, time is everything. i went through the same feelings as your bf with my bfs parents. they seemed so scary at first because i wanted them to love me because he loved me. my nerves were through the roof every time i had to see them because i felt like i needed to be a different version of myself? there wasn’t much my bf could say or do to make me feel any better, i just had to see them more often and eventually it felt like i was always part of the family. he will feel better with time, just be reassuring or tell him how fond they are of him. and maybe try and get him to rip off the bandaid and see them more often?
It should get better if it happens more.
He sounds really introverted or as you say shy.
Some people have a hard time handling those situations. There is not much you can do I am afraid.
He has to experience the situation more and more times, like exposure therapy.
What works is inviting people towards your space ( comfortable areas are normally less stressfull ) or towards a neutral territory.
Besides that, if he doenst talk about it, you cant help him and he has to do it himself. It’s also stressfull because he probably wants to make a good impression and even tho you say they like him it still lingers for multiple visits
I’m a guy with anxiety. It just takes time.
When I’m around my GF’s family, there’s this added pressure. I feel like I’m basically a symbol of their daughter’s judgment and taste. If I fuck up and do something awkward or rude, it not only reflects poorly on me, it also reflects poorly on her. She chose to bring this guy into the family, and any mistake I make is also on her.
So, I’m aware of that. I’m trying to be nice and polite, but also funny and charming, but also a good boyfriend, but also etc…
Trying to be all those things at once is tough, because it makes you overthink everything you say and do.
Introverts would rather sit in a corner nursing a beer all night than get up and be the life of the party. Most people I know that are introverts are also very good at task handling. So if you got him engaged in something to do like played a game where he can engage his mental side and forget about his social apprehensions he may open up more and more. plenty of board games out there. buy a set and play together as family and see how he opens up.
maybe break open a 1000 piece puzzle and try to assemble it all together. once he gets comfortable of doing things and with flow of some alcohol he may start chatting around and become more comfortable around your family.