Last weekend I was on a party at my friends place. On the party there was this one girl who seemed to be following me around and always sitting next to me. She isn’t my type at all. When we started playing some drinking games of course she gets a dare which is to make out with me, with the pressure of everyone there I feel obliged to do it, but she keeps going on for very long and when I tell her it’s enough she doesn’t listen.
During the night she keeps complimenting my face and body and touches me without asking, and later on the club she just walks up to me and starts making out again, this is where I get really tired of it all and just leave the place.
The day after she texts me something like “it was really nice making out last night, hope we can do it again soon”
I have told my friends about this and they just laugh at me saying I should have gone home with her. They are not taking me seriously at all which leads me to the question in the title.
41 comments
Double standards my guy…Unfortunately its easy for a girl to cry out and have everyone hollin’ ass to come to the rescue.But its socially *deemed* that us as men can handle ourselves, and a woman is allowed to do exactly what they expect us not to do. Because its a win when you get attention from the oposite gender right? 🙄
In my personal opinion, in the modern age where we are fighting for;-Equal Rights-Equal Paychecks-Etc.
This should also include same standards…
You need better friends. There’s a lot of people who would find that unacceptable.
That said, it isn’t viewed with the same level of severity due to the fact you didn’t need to be genuinely scared for your own safety when it happened.
There are a lot of women who think that they can’t commit sexual violence because they are women. I was at a party once and another woman groped me. I’d never met her and she just went for it. Just out of reflex, I slapped her hard and shouted “No!” She then acted like she was the victim and started crying and saying that I was bisexual so I should like it. It was gross tbh. You have to stand your ground and very firmly tell them no.
Welcome to 2022 fella
The double standard is 100% real, wait until a girl hits you, or when you have kids together, and try to get custody. The justice system bends to them and fucks the guy almost every time.
The thing is, you don’t really need anyone else to do anything for you. You can just decide to never see her. Telling your friends about the mischievous deeds of a girl isn’t gonna help. As a Man, you must be able to do things by yourself and not give into social pressure like you did in here giving her the courage required to do it even more
Men and women do this sometimes letting their desire for the person override the reality of what is happening. You gotta set boundaries. Unless someone strapped me in a chair and did it against my will, I would not be making out with anyone I didn’t want to. If someone touched me or kept talking to me with whom I didn’t want to associate, I would walk away. I would leave.
You kissed her in front of everybody. You made out with her again in the club and she ended up with your phone number. Its hard to believe she just walked across the dance floor, grabbed you and forcefully kissed you without your consent.
She can’t read your mind bro, you have to communicate to her like an adult because otherwise this just sounds like you had post nut clarity after sobering up and want to play cool to your friends. If this was r/AmITheAsshole, ESH.
Because in the pass they needed to be protected
And a weaker sex
It is not acceptable. A woman inappropriately grabbed my husband’s junk as she walked past him at a party. He told me. I set her straight. I was not nice about it. Harrassment is not ok. Not your fault. It should never happen to anyone.
It’s not acceptable. You gotta stand up for yourself. Set a really hard boundary. No one is going to get mad with you being rejecting a girl who is persistent. She’s obviously not getting the picture, you’re not communicating well enough. Women get called bitches for rejecting men who they are not interested in all the time. Just do that and if there is fall out no one can fault you for setting a respectable boundary.
Because most people don’t care about anyone getting sexually harassed, but luckily it’s starting to change. I’ve been harassed countless of times and only twice some outsider has done anything about it, people don’t even care when they see a child being harassed. When someone keeps touching me and I push them, even my friends say I overreacted. If I tell someone about the times I’ve been harassed “why are you whining, take it as a compliment”. The attitudes around SH has always been shitty and it takes time until those attitudes change, but we are on a right path because finally these issues are discussed.
It is not acceptable at all, regardless of gender. On the flip side of history, when Vikings become Christians, Christian women had no say even in their marriages.
First question is: How the fuck did she get your number, or who gave it to her without your permission???
She’s fat isn’t she?
It’s not ok. It’s incredibly concerning that some (women as well as men) think that women cannot commit sexual harassment and assault, they absolutely can and it should be treated as the crime it is no matter who perpetrator is. Consent is always needed, no matter the genders involved.
I’m sorry you had to experience that OP. Your friends are so wrong.
Did you at any time tell her she wasn’t your type?
I don’t know man but I think it’s gross! I’ve been groped twice in the last year.
The truth is, with men it’s more threatening. The reason society is so stigmatized that men can’t be SA by women is because the general thought is that the man is physically strong enough to overpower the woman if they didn’t want it. It’s taking society a lot of time to unlearn the idea that all rapes aren’t someone getting jumped and attacked in a dark alley at night.
It doesn’t matter if she was your type or not. She didn’t respect your communication when you told her to stop. Block her and distance yourself from those shitty friends. Doesn’t matter what gender you are, if there’s no consent they need to back off.
It’s not, even if you find that it’s prevalent or affects your daily life. Similar to sexual harassment toward women from men. Not socially acceptable (by western standards) but it happens, unfortunately. I’m sorry.
Because no man of consequence would have any trouble dealing with the situation.
If I were you, Id tell her you’re not interested. Create a boundary. Otherwise, stuff like this will keep happening. Which is obviously not ok.
It likely has to do with the physical power imbalance between men and women. 99% + of the time, a man is at no risk whatsoever of being overpowered by a woman and physically raped.
I’ve had drunk women grope me unsolicited, try to put their hand in my pants, make sexually explicit suggestions unprompted at bars etc. I would never describe it as a sexual assault though or claim to be a me too victim.
Today’s episode of the ‘List of things I wish happened but never did”
You experienced sexual harassment. Something most women experience anytime they go out. Your also experiencing what all women experience. That no one cares.
You’re an adult man, I assume? Don’t let anyone touch you or do shit you don’t want to. No is a complete sentence.
Sounds like you went along passively, and now you’re bent out of shape. Learn how to stand up for yourself.
Worst double standard I came across was this.
On a placement in a care home I was warned about one particular woman who would pinch men’s asses given a chance and had a thing for the male students. Now I don’t have an issue she’s 80 with disabilities and wheelchair bound so she’s not exactly a risk to my safety and it wouldn’t be impossible to teach her consent but all I got was told to keep my backside out of range and when I did get touched up no big deal. But when one of the male residents flirts with one of the female students it becomes a rule they aren’t allowed to work alone with that resident.
All I wouldn’t have liked was more concern, I don’t need extra safety measures but there just no concern about if I was uncomfortable working with those residents.
It’s not. Full stop, end of story. Anyone who tells you it is, or acts like you’re “just complaining” or some shit, is a terrible person. Consent exists for men too. Consent matters.
I’ve been groped a few times by women in crowded clubs! It’s like they’re walking by and just sort of “accidentally” graze their hand across your crotch but wayyyy too aggressively to be an accident. I’m not that attractive or tall or intimidating so I think that’s just sort of a toxic women’s empowerment kinda thing or something.
I had a dance friend get SO touchy feely with me when she got really drunk at a party. Just tons of shoulder touching and getting really close and stuff. She’s really attractive too so that was tough to resist. I think that’s just sort of a cultural double standard because girls tend to think most guys are creeps but guys don’t think that way as much so girls’ risqué behavior is generally received more positively.
Cause they like it
I would guess it’s because women are less threatening and you usually don’t have to worry that a woman is going to rape you (due to the physical power imbalance). But sexual harassment is never ok.
A lot of women do not know how to approach men. Add to that alcohol and the misconception that men are always horny and ready to go 24/7/365 with any woman. And that’s why they grope. Also rules 1 and 2 will amplify this experience for men A LOT.
I have had women do this when I was a teenager, when I was in bars, clubs, concerts, at house parties and basically anywhere there was alcohol.
One that really sticks out in my mind was I was in my early twenties at a bar that had a DJ outside. I was with a mixed friends group with some girls and guys and out of no where someone straight grabs my ass I mean fingers in my ass crack hard squeeze. I turn around and yelled “what the fuck!?” and her response was “it was there, I had to” the girls in our group started screaming at her and the bouncers came over and were like “what’s going on?” She was already halfway to the door to leave so the bouncers followed to make sure she left. Just completely uncalled for because if she was interested she should have walked up and said, “your handsome, let’s dance” like that’s all you gotta say LMAO, but instead you assault me and go home alone.
find other friends. this woman is shit and more concerningly your “friends” are shit. asa woman: i’m sorry!
Because women don’t really care when it happens to men and most men are so damn lonely and desperate they think men who receive attention should be thankful, even if it’s unwanted attention or crosses your boundaries.
The reality is that society is changing and women are starting to become the bad guys now.
Just curious if the people who laughed were men?
In my experience most women understand when other women make men uncomfortable and call it out.
Also she texted you next day that it was nice making out, I am not sure how it went so wrong that you felt harassed and she was oblivious. I hope you take the opportunity to draw your boundaries firmly and I think you should tell the lady that you felt harassed. Her reaction should clarify things on whether she’s just a serial offender.
It’s not okay. And as a woman I always call other women out for their predatory and creepy behavior
I’ve recently left a job because I was being sexually harassed by my female manager, not to mention the female customers that were doing the same. I was a Budtender so I think it is just the industry I was in and the women involved in it.
Most people I confided in said I should have just enjoyed it because I am a man, but all I wanted to do was my job not deal with all that BS.
A lot of women have never been told no, and assume men always want sex. They get hundreds of guys’ attention at a time and think they can just take whatever they want. Women objectify men all the time, despite saying otherwise. Whether it’s their looks, wallet, height, social status, etc.
Also male SA victims are never taken as seriously as women.
It’s not socially acceptable. Your friends just suck. If you told this woman no, she didn’t respect it and your friends allowed it to happen, you have shitty friends. That’s all.