This all started back when my Professor at College told me about “Penpals” back in 2014. I was a nerd – nice guy – anxious driven guy and still am.
So, she was talking about talking to Penpals causally which pecked my curiosity and I entered the world of Online Chatting. Usually I get 0 calls or Texts from people in real life, I still don’t even today. Nobody cares about me which is genuinely painful. Then, after joining Penpal chat groups, I was fascinated and even there, I wasn’t accepted as I came across the same kind of people even on the Internet.
I moved from one group to another and spoke to thousands of People till now. After 8 years, I can say everyone is a Narcissist and I keep going back to them because I am a Nice guy who is also anxious and I am a Nerd.
I learnt a lot! I mean, a heak of alot of shit about myself and Life and people in general cuz of these interactions. I give credit to them for that but of late, I am getting mentally tired cuz I am doing two things consistently – tv shows and talking to online strangers who treat me like an option ( can’t blame em but I am anxiously attached). I’m enabling myself to waste time more and more of it!
I have over achieved in the field of Education with multiple degrees and stuff and other stuff outside of formal education. I don’t want to do this online thing anymore cuz I am tempted to go back and talk to em out of loneliness. IRL people are very envious of me and want to take advantage of me cuz I never had a friend and I’m all by myself.
Please, give me some solid advice cuz I went to a therapist and she was also giving me stupid advice like adjust to others and then, you’ll be accepted. I have been doing this my whole life and I am just tired!
4 comments
People suck and growing up sucks. Just remember that not everyone is as happy on the inside as they may seem on the outside.
Sometimes it is about overcoming beliefs about other people. True there may be jealous people out there who may take advantage of you.
But to be human is to go out knowing that there may be some people who will hurt you, but also people who will be kind. It takes time and effort to believe in the goodness of people. But there are good people too, people who may understand you.
Trying to challenge your own beliefs about other people is essential in trying to make friends in real life. It won’t always work out, you might get hurt, and in the process you may find some good friends.
Try going to meetups that centre around your interests. Try to keep an open mind, engage in conversation without expecting anything in return. Start really small.
Easier said than done, I know, and it takes a lot of work. But it will be worth it. Forgive me if I speak without truly understanding your situation.
Based of what you’ve written, I get the impression that you look down on others, which I’m guessing is your way of coping with the loneliness. You’re not going to connect with others thinking like that.
Having standards is a must, but if you’ve had conversations with hundreds of people and they all struck you as narcissistic, either you’re engaging in the wrong spaces, or it’s time to look inward and figure out why you’re painting with such a broad brush.
Ironic that your talking to online people about this.