I’m a 35M with a job as a truck driver (local only, so home every day). I work pretty much all day from 6:15a-5p and am usually hungry and exhausted after work so I just drive the hour home, eat and try not to fall asleep before 9:30.
I haven’t been on a date in about 10 years. I don’t drink anymore so I never go out to bars or anything to socialize. I feel really isolated and don’t know how to go about trying to meet someone.
I feel so out of practice, so to speak, and out of the loop. Like I don’t know how to go about even attempting to talk to someone. I guess it’s true that if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Writing this all out and proofreading it really makes it sound pathetic. But I figured, hey, it’s the internet. So why the hell not try to ask for some advice.
At this point I’d even be open to just random flings but I’ve never been much of a “ladies man” that was good at finding women. My last long-term relationship ended in 2012 and I basically psyched myself out afterwards. Now, everyone seems to be married or otherwise unavailable.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for, specifically. I guess it’s more of just a “what do I do/how to I start/how do I fix this situation?”.
To be honest, I’m just lonely and lost. Short-term relationships/causal stuff would be also great at this point. An actual relationship even better. But I don’t even know the first step.
Well. Thanks for reading my random Reddit post. To anyone that has advice: Thank you in advance.
37 comments
Are you off Sat. and Sunday?
Yea on your days off you should consider going out, you can also meet people at the gym 🙂
My girlfriend (bff) met a couple really cool guys in the travel mode of dating apps. Around for a night or so now and then, they’d meet up and just chat, have a meal, see if it was worth more. Might try that?
It’s not pathetic to ask for advice. Lots of men and women are in your shoes and aren’t sure what to do either, so at the very least you’re not alone in this. My advice would be to explore online dating, I don’t like dating apps but since you said you’re ok with flings it might be worth checking them out, you could go to singles events, I don’t recommend bars for anything serious, and I would see if you have any friends who have someone in mind. Something else that I think you should seriously consider is working on yourself and brushing up on conversation because it sounds like you’re a bit down, and dates can pick up on this, so if you don’t feel good about yourself your date probably won’t either. Food for thought.
I expect you work 5 days a week. I expect you have some friends, who are in a similar situation. I would say to my friends, every two weeks we should get together on Saturday night for supper. Each of us cook and bring it to someone’s house. If one of your friends happened to be married, both of them would be invited. It creates a conversation, that you talk about with other. and with other folks.
If there’s a single lady, who hears about this, she would be thinking, four or five single guys, in one spot. One of them must be ok. I wonder how I can get an invite.
What I am saying, you must be with people, to meet other people. Single women, know other single women. Single guys know other single guys. If one single woman got invited, somehow, maybe it’s your sister. Within 6 weeks or so, you would all be in relationships.
Just gotta go out. Def don’t fake religion to manipulate religious women unless you wanna be a complete scum fuck. No other way. Go. Out. As much as you can on weekends. Go to bars even if you don’t drink. Get a damn coke. For the love of fuck though don’t spend another minute alone as fuck wasting your life working with no fun. I get you are a good worker and that’s a good trait so fucking get out there and share it. You don’t drink?… well go to the bar and start buying drinks for people. Make some friends! The hardest part is the first step.
Just stay away from the “Lot Lizards” lol
Download hinge and literally just make that your bio
First off work on yourself. Look up fresh and fit podcast to understand the nature of dating( they are really long podcasts look for the after hours wit h girls and listen on your truck route) next is heal from your dating pasts. Only think of what you could have done to improve and be better. Forgive them for whatever they did and be ok with growth. Read books on stoicism. Read the book meditations by Marcus Aurelius. And workout, get in shape to way that you’re proud of the man you see in the mirror. Works not done yet my guy work on your finances and your style and figure out how to have good conversation flow since you haven’t been dating in a while. And after that dude you’ll be good to get back out there with a new set of tools. Im in my 30s everything just said to you I did. Best complement I ever got from a woman was (as I was moving away) “you’re so masculine with out having a big ego. I’ll be jealous of the next girl you date”. I hope this doesn’t upset you but trust me not doing any of this the new dating world will make you more upset
Well, always think positively. Eventually things will work out. But you’re going to have to go out. Get with friends or family and plan an event somewhere. Their should be plenty of ladies out. Don’t worry about not knowing what to say, just be you and things should be fine.
hey if u hang out at the places that ppl re looking for 1 night relationships …u cant get a partner. u gotta go to environments that ppl of ur age or at least at their marriage age can get to and would like to get to , like language classes , cooking classes anything that can help u socialize but dont expect to 1st person u happen to have interest in to be a good mate for u … just dont give up if u wanna find some1 u can spend time with and have fun besides not getting bored while talking stuff with her
if u can get a more sociable work , it could be better but else is hard for me to know since im just 18 and havent dated yet
Increase discipline where you know you need to
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Funny, I’m in the same situation as op..
Aren’t there female truck drivers? Have you tried linking up with them?
Sorry mate, I don’t have a good suggestion for you like the others ITT, bit wanted to say that I know how shit it is trying to get back into it after psyching yourself out and being out for many years. My circumstances are different, but I hope you’ll be able to turn it around, same as me.
Other than that, I’d agree that maxing out your social activities on days off is your best bet. You have to have a presence if you’re going for more than just ONS.
The case for legalized prostitution in the US has never been stronger. It only gets worse from here on out.
How many hours do you work? 6am-5pm sounds like 11 hours, does this include commute and/or breaks? (If not.. are you sure those hours are even legal from a road safety standpoint? EU/US prob no, didn’t mention where you live though )
If you can reduce your hours, consider it. And when you have energy(weekends or if working less daily), just spend it in social settings, opportunities will come knocking.
So… I’ve been around on this sub for a while and over time I’m watching myself grow from asking questions about myself and my validity to going and doing whatever I was afraid of and becoming what I’ve looked at with envy in the past. I have a few things that I’ve discovered.
The people that look like they have their shit together and it’s effortless to them to socialize and have friends grew up that way, were taught how to do that, were given their friends and understand how to navigate the system to link up and find people and things where they look good and they’re having a good time. There’s this mystique when looking at others and their abilities that you must get over.
When you say, “I could never be that! They are fundamentally better than me in some core essence.” You are partially right. They understand and see the world in some way that is incomprehensible to you. But there is nothing in the universe that is unknowable. There is no magical essence. You can gradually pull yourself to the point where you have what they have. You can get there, it’s just gonna take years. You need to be ready to open your mind to things that challenge the way you think. You need to feel uncomfortable, step out and become vulnerable. Whatever skill you wanna learn, you will appear juvenile and people will judge you. But they are wrong. The right people will stick around if you’re vulnerable and honest.
The dating world sucks. I’m talking the Midwest United States, but I would be surprised if it doesn’t stretch far beyond. It’s not just you. It’s everyone. The foundation of our modern first world capitalist technological centralized society is one of isolation. There is no village, no tribe, no center or edge. They are stripping away the feeling of mass consciousness, the feeling you might get in dreams where you feel deeply connected and united with the people around you towards a common goal that you will all be around for. I’ve been trying to catch that feeling, to become a piece of something bigger than myself. The feeling where approaching a woman doesn’t seem like such a huge hurdle, because you feel like one of the same. Where you can be open and honest and relax and talk about whatever’s on your mind because you feel accepted. It will take some time but you can learn how to feel that way.
It’s an entire mental shift but you can start practicing now. Try to expand your horizons every day. It can be as simple as holding the door open for an old woman and looking her in the eyes and smiling. You need to train yourself to think differently. The isolation is a product of social indoctrination. Most of us have become desensitized and can essentially no longer feel empathy. You can’t escape the hatred. But you can fight against it, and you can hold onto the few real ones that are left. I sincerely hope that you can look back on your life and feel the awakening I’ve been catching myself in. To look at a city you once thought dead and empty and instead see all the ways that it is, in fact, rich and full of so many people with stories and personality and life. That you could walk outside and meet someone with perspectives and experiences you’ve never thought of before that could change the course of your life. It’s a challenge, and everything is trying to force you to give up, but they’re essentially invalidating the foundation of what it means to be human.
Take care of yourself and try your best to find a job that doesn’t suck away your livelihood. Look inward and focus on what you enjoy, what you’re good at, what you can and can’t do. If you feel like you’re constantly drained, listen to that! That is your subconscious trying to communicate with you that you need change. So many of us go to therapy to try and find change when really we need something drastic. Something real. You’re not broken, you’re not lesser, for not being able to perform as well as others. I just learned I can’t handle ten hour shifts as an electrical mechanic, but I sure as hell could spend seven days a week fixing bike flats delivering food in the snow! I can’t do what they do, and they can’t do what I do. We are all unique, and I urge you to spend time doing what you enjoy. As soon as you start getting good at learning- not the thing you’re learning but learning itself- things get so much easier. Life gets so much more exciting. If we all collectively learned how to value ourselves and our mental health, if we didn’t take shit and we quit when our livelihood was in jeopardy, if we learned to listen to that voice and act on it, the good jobs and companies would grow and the old jobs would be forced to accommodate human needs for human employees or die out. The rules, requirements and policies would change. We wouldn’t be any worse off as a society, we wouldn’t be less productive, we simply would be taking some of the power to feel alive and live fully back from the elite that have stolen it from us. This ten hour five days a week job that I’m on my second of two weeks quitting, guess what!?? If they had capitulated and let me work four?? Or let me come in at 7 AM instead of 5?? They coulda kept me! They woulda been more productive. It’s not like you get that extra work outta nowhere, you’re robbing your workers of their sanity, and their future ambition, which is gonna lead to them coming in late, dragging ass, quitting, and whatever else. There’s nothing to do but laugh at them for how stupid they are. I’m going through it. I’ll be alright. If you honestly feel tired and don’t wanna go out and go to bars because you’re a loner, the answer is nowhere near as simple as some stupid little mental exercise to charge you up with the motivation to do whatever thing. That will only lead to even further exhaustion and frustration. The answer is a life shift. Everything is gonna be fighting you, and you’ll be one of a very few if you can mature enough to understand what you’re good at and then center your job around it so that you can still pay the bills, but if you do, then you’re on track to feel the freedom that the people you’re jealous of have as the basis of their thoughts.
Might be a bit different than your average reading, that’s just what I got based on my thorough understanding of the root cause of isolation. It’s not a simple fix, the root cause takes years of effort to change. If you feel empty, like there’s something missing, that is valid and there’s a reason you feel that way. They have stripped away and buried the guidance we need to learn how to be empathetic creatures, and we cannot truly love ourselves until we have a healthy hatred for the system that has lied to us when it told us our feelings are worthless. Oh no!!! I’m gonna be late to work!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
Definitely does not sound pathetic, more like courageous to reach out and ask for help.
Trouble is there is not too much advice on this kinda thing in the main stream so lots of men and women can end up in this situation coming out of a long term relationship, thinking ok what now?!
If you lay this all out in front of you it can seem pretty over whelming so its best to do this in stages, first thing is to establish what it is you want?
You mentioned you would be open to random flings but you have never been much of a ladies man, so I would suggest your first priority is to become a ladies man.
This is a skill and mind set that any man can learn and if made your primary focus you can then master and move on to the next question of, what is it you now want as a ladies man.
Having a clear understanding and plan of action you can quash and calm the feelings of loneliness by telling yourself you have the intention and are taking action. any specific advice you want on this please feel free to DM me
If you’re on Facebook check out the local events in your area
my uncle was a truck driver in his 30s, and he would drive across the entire US. we all just kind of assumed he would have a hard time finding someone okay with that life style. we live in the midwest and one day he came home and told us he’d seen the most beautiful girl at a gas station in arizona. he got her number and they called every day. a couple years later he was engaged and moved out there to be with her. married 15+ years now and they’re super cute. she had 3 kids already and he had his trucking job, so they both had baggage and made it work.
Go to a gym. Join a group, a church or other places of worship. Might help
Fuck don’t even worry about dating for a minute here. Start finding groups of people with similar hobby interests to you, if you don’t have any hobbies start trying stuff out now. Develop platonic relationships with people and build yourself a group of friends that you can be happy with. At that point start looking into dating. If you don’t have a good foundation of human interaction it’s unlikely you’ll have any luck dating, and it will become frustrating for you. But if you already have plenty of human contact it becomes less stressful and more natural
Have you tried dating apps? You can meet someone on there and talk to them for a while before meeting them. I talked to a woman for 6 mos before we got together. It didn’t work out over all but we were together for about 2 years. Maybe take a vacation to someplace touristy where there are lots of different kinds of people.
I know what you mean, I’m kind of in the same boat, however I am more flexible as I’m self employed. Work 6-7 days a week in mostly unsociable hours (my choice, make more that way).
No person should be fussed about your work if they like you, and if they are then just keep looking.
I imagine dating apps would be best way for you. However whatever hobbies you have, try meet someone there. đź‘Ť
You might want to consider reevaluating your job/ hours. Keep your career, of course, but perhaps find a job that doesn’t keep you so isolated/ lonely and exhausted
I don’t have advice but just know that you aren’t alone. I’m older than you and have a longer drought. When I was young I had one girlfriend through high school and college. We were engaged to be married and she ended up cheating on me and marrying her co-worker. I was crushed. I put on a lot of weight and lost all confidence. I’m embarrassed to admit but I haven’t moved on with dating. I’m over her obviously and it doesn’t bother me but gaining so much weight and years of self loathing has taken its toll on me. I’m slowly getting fit which has taken some time, but still haven’t been able to start dating. I don’t know how to start and now that I’m middle aged and never experienced having kids or getting married I feel like I missed out on my prime years.
I’m trying to learn to be happy with myself and figure out how not to be lonely moving forward. That seems like a more realistic scenario for me rather than dating which is terrifying to me.
I think you should consider that dating/relationships just might not be for you.
Gotta get that confidence up before meeting women or you’ll lose every single one. I also suggest finding a less isolating job. Unless you just love it I guess. I was working in a lab alone for 3 years and it almost drove me insane, even though i loved doing science it wasnt good for me socially. So earlier this year I took a job at a tattoo shop as an artist and I’m already 100% happier being around people again.
IF YOU’RE NOT THAT SERIOUS GETTING INTO A “RELATIONSHIP” (take it or leave it)____JUST PAY FOR THE SEXUAL FAVORS WHEN THE NEED ARRIVES AND GO HOME….NO INVOLVEMENT, NO HASSLE, NO DRAMA…..JUST LIVE YOUR QUIET LIFE.
What we need in this thread are women who have dated truck drivers. From there they can tell how they met etc…
My boyfriend is 39, works 5-3 and goes to bed before 9pm most nights. We met on Tinder. Online dating sucks but it’s a good option if your schedule and lifestyle doesn’t allow for whatever traditional dating is supposed to be.
As a single woman in my 30s, my favorite ap was hinge! I’m currently on a pause from dating because I wanted to focus on my health goals for a bit, but when I reach my goal I’ll go back on to hinge!
There are tons of people, men and women in your position that are new to dating. Just focus on making simple conversation- but try to have more depth than the basic ‘hey whats up”. Ask about their hobbies, what their ideal first date is , what their personal dating goals are. And share your own goals and hobbies.
A man who has a full-time job and is home every night is a pretty good starting point !
I also don’t drink and would much rather give my time to a man who wants to try something fun like mini golf or fascinating conversation at a cute local coffee shop then some chump who wants to get drinks and see here it goes (cue eye roll).
Do any if your married friends wives have any single girlfriends? Also you have to think about what are your deal breakers….would you date someone who’s been divorced ,someone with or without kids etc??? I had a friend put it out to our friend group that he was looking so everyone started keeping an eye out for singles and who might be a good fit for him. He was a single dad and recently on the dating scene.
Are there hobby groups you can join locally on days off? Hiking, kayaking or anything that interests you??? I joined some Facebook groups for camping, hiking and kayaking. Pretty busy the past couple years. Lots of new friends. I get it about the isolation. I’ve been sober 10 years. So I don’t mind if people have a drink or whatever. But limit my exposure to how much I’ll be around that.
Honestly you’re probably in a great spot to start dating. Your schedule might suck but at 35 making decent money if you’re willing to hold off on sex when the relationship is starting out if you’re in a great spot. I would target ladies in their late 20s. Think 28 or 29, they’re at the point in life where they are ready to settle down and value stability any man they can see them self raising children with overlooks but, it’s going to help a lot if you’re not more than 50 pounds overweight. get on dating apps like Hinge or Bumble. Bumble is nice because it encourages the ladies to start the conversation with you. Just start swinging the bat. You will eventually connect with the ball. Unlike most guys you probably don’t have a lot of baggage still hanging around from your last relationship you’ve just been busy for 10 years. get specific when setting filters on the dating apps. Forget about women less than 25. Avoid single moms, they already have a history of leaving a man. They might have left for a good reason but that is still a factor. Getting specific with the filters on the dating apps helps you not waste your time. Do not swipe right on women you do not find attractive. The algorithm is set up to show you the least attractive women that you will Talk to. If you only swipe right or message with women that you actually find attractive that is what the algorithms will promote for you.