Hello, I’m new here but currently dealing with a nasty situation. I (23 NB) have began to crush on someone (27 M) a few weeks ago, but this man is bad news. I have learned from his family members that he is misogynistic and likes toying with girls’ hearts for fun, and so far he has done so with four of them. I believe it has to do with some kind of ego boost he receives when seeing his partners vulnerable and dependent on him, as I’ve heard he dropped his girlfriends after having sex with them and copying their hobbies to be well liked by each one. He seemed like a cool guy as he hadn’t hurt me in any way so far, but after learning this I’m having doubts about spending time with him further, especially going out with him. I have to mention that he wants us to go for a walk tomorrow and I don’t know what to do, as I haven’t been in a relationship before and prefer to isolate myself from others. I don’t like socializing, but he seems to be trying to get me out of my shell so that he could toy with my heart as well. What do I do in this situation, how do I stand my ground, and how can I keep my distance from him emotionally so that he wouldn’t hurt me as well? I live with him and his family for now as I have recently moved away from home, which means I can’t just stop talking to him and call it a day. From what I’ve heard, he enjoys making people suffer and ask themselves what they’ve done wrong, what’s wrong with them, etc. Can such a man be “fixed” so that he could be in a healthy relationship, or is he a lost cause? What do you think?
TLDR: I have a crush on someone who breaks hearts for fun and finds joy in ruining his partners emotionally. What do I do?
3 comments
Just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you have to hang around him. Tell him you lost interest and block him.
>Can such a man be “fixed” so that he could be in a healthy relationship, or is he a lost cause?
Most people are capable of reform. However, this can only be “fixed” if **he** personally goes through a journey of unlearning his harmful behaviours and beliefs. No one can make him do this. It must come from within, and it won’t come quickly or easily.
If someone’s own family is warning you that they are abusive, err on the side of caution and believe them. It’s not like this is the only man on the planet who you could form feelings for.
You can’t fix this guy. If he can’t be fixed, it’ll be with therapy, not from you.
You’re 23. That’s old enough to understand that you don’t have to act on all your feelings. You don’t have to believe everything you think.
When you feel a little bit of a crush, literally say the words to yourself, “Oh, there go those silly feelings, making me feel all weird.” You don’t have to isolate yourself. You just basically don’t do more than what you have to, socially, with him. Focus on the other people in conversation.
He asks you on a walk or something like that, you can say something like, “I appreciate you asking, but no thanks.” You don’t have to give a why (he’ll ask – it doesn’t matter. You can just shrug.)