For starters, this is NOT for me, but for a friend. Touchy subject involving children.
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Her and her husband, have two kids together and each one has a child from previous relationships. The husbands daughter was moved to flordia when she was only 2 years old, after they split. Daughter is now 15.
Wife and husband take all the 3 kids they have at home each year and go visit, his daughter lives near a beach so they do alot while there. Before this, the wife went to flordia for vacations every year just about. She loves it there. fast forward, since her and the husband have been together and go to visit down there frequently, this past year they didnt have the money to go, and they had recently had another baby. the Daughter sometimes come up for christmas (which she did) for a couple weeks. The daughter (& her mother) decided, shes not really intersted in being around Dad (with) his family and new children. She texted him and asked him if he could just go see her without the family. She hasnt met her newest sibling yet, and hasnt asked about him nearly at all. The wife offered to go with the family together, and take all the children to explore while the dad set his time into the teenage daughter. He said no, he said she was selfish for even saying that and hes tired of her always wanting to be included going to the beach. they dont have money to go or very much, but she offered even to take the children to another area and just be with them. that made him mad they would go without him. he basically just doesnt want them in flordia going to the beach at any point whats so ever. he says, his daughter lives in flordia so its selfish to be interested going to the beach or enjoying it
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Wife insisted that their children would love to see their sister and she needs to meet the baby. also, because they like to go every year anyways, this would knock two birds out with one stone. and they could all enjoy it together. He ends up getting so mad he leaves her. and says she doesnt care about his relationship with his oldest child. the wife is pretty confident shes not in the wrong… this isnt new either. she says this has happened nearly every year. the daughter does spend time with them but complain the whole time. She also when coming to visit in their homestate doesnt like to stay at their house because the younger kids are “too annoying” so she takes her time to ask to stay at another family members while shes supposed to be in her dads state to visit him. the wife is tired of it! she feels they are trying to cut out the wife and the kids. does that seem accurate or is she over reacting about this? she doesnt understannd the dad getting so mad, shes tried everything to make him get it but he refuses and just thinks shes a monster for this. how should she approach this? i told her i would try to get her some input. so here we are.
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Also\*\*\* i will add the wife has caught the teenage daughters mother and the father speaking out of line several times. She lives far away so it never has amounted to much but she has found messages of the father talking terrible about the wife and their life. wife has comfronted him but he doesnt seem to care. makes her have weird feelings at times but she keeps it to herself.
4 comments
I’m sorry, but your friend is wrong. The daughter asked for one on one time with her father. She should get it. Stepmom needs to step back.
Wife is overstepping here. The visit is for Dad to see his daughter. Whether the wife does her own thing or not, it’s adding a million extra logistics onto a visit that is about undivided dad/daughter quality time.
Daughter has expressed a need and set a boundary, which is important to respect right now.
I don’t think the wife is in the wrong. The daughter sounds like a brat and the husband sounds fishy. It seems like the wife is trying to make it the family trip is has always been. She was willing to accommodate the daughter’s request of one-on-one time with her father and got shut down. The daughter comes in town and then stays with other relatives when she’s there to visit her dad because her siblings are annoying? That’s bratty behavior that the father should have been put a stop to. Blended families are tough. And while I do support kids and parents getting one-on-one time, this situation doesn’t sit well with me. She and the other kids are being cut out. She’s been traveling to Florida long before she married the husband. The daughter doesn’t own the damn state. The wife can go down there whenever she pleases. Why is he so upset? For all she knows the husband may be trynna get that old thing back with his daughter’s mom. Naw, she is not wrong.
If they can’t afford to take everyone then it doesn’t make financial or logical sense to take the whole family. It’s hard enough being a stepkid without trying to force relationships because everyone has expectations of you and it’s impossible to live up to all of them. The stepdaughter is not obligated to forge a relationship with her father’s wife or her half/step siblings and forcing it won’t be successful. 15 is a really hard age already
I had a stepdad when I was her age, so I can kind of understand where she is coming from. Especially when her dad started a new family and the stepdaughter is just expected to act like everything is normal when they only see each other for a couple weeks a year… It’s awkward to be thrown into a new family and act like you know them when you really don’t. It’s not uncommon for stepkids to resent their parent’s new families because they feel left out. Sadly, it just is what it is. It’s not like the kids have any say in it.