*deprived
20M university student with social anxiety. I’ve developed a terrible habit of completely avoiding conversations and social interaction in general. This means a lot of different things – avoiding eye contact with people, not speaking to or looking at people who sit next to me, sitting alone during lectures, not saying hi to people I see often, pulling out my phone whenever I get some free time, etc. Obviously, since I’m avoiding the most basic level of social interaction, making friends or relationships of any sort is impossible. Which is why I have zero mates and I spend the majority of my day entirely mute.
Anyway, the other day I made a deliberate effort to expose myself to the main situation that I avoid like the plague – initiating conversation/small talk with people (who I’m working/sitting with, in lectures, etc.). And it went *extremely* well. I managed to have like 3 different conversations that day, and got to know a couple of girls (that I had been working with for a while but never really spoken to) better (one of whom was a girl I’ve had a crush on for ages).
I feel pathetic writing this, but it was genuinely the most social interaction I’ve had in over a year. I can’t even put into words the feeling of elation that followed this. My confidence skyrocketed, that sense of being different nearly disappeared, my energy increased dramatically and I felt genuinely happy. Of course this feeling disappeared quite quickly, but sitting here and thinking back on the incident two days later, I’ve realised that it only goes to show how utterly deprived I am of social interaction. I knew it already – I think about it daily – but this really put it into perspective. A couple of conversations, which is an utterly normal part of day to day life for most people, uplifted my mood to such a large degree.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I had to write it down somewhere lol. Those successful interactions I had the other day motivated me to continue with the exposure therapy, but I just can’t do it. The feelings of being incapable, weird and different to everyone else, etc. have flooded me once again. I have no idea where I found the confidence the other day, but it’s disappeared just as mysteriously as it appeared.
4 comments
Im 19 and also really deprived of social interaction, though small convos like those just dont do anything for me anymore. I just want good friends smh. Im really proud of you for having those convos tho.
I am 25. and have zero friends, I understand you feel anxious when people around you talk and gather. I would like to say, it is okay to be not normal sometimes, the more you try to focus on your life and understand yourself, you won’t get hurt yourself. if you think about bad things about yourself, you need to stop thinking about the certain words that usually go around in your head, and make your brain focusing something. ex) watching drama, going shopping to get nice shoes or anything you like, or it could your part-time job. I started Uber eats for 1 month, and it lessen my worst thoughts about being anxious. so Cheer yourself up.
No one’s depriving you of anything besides yourself.
>main situation that I avoid like the plague – initiating conversation
You’re doing this to yourself.
>continue with the exposure therapy, but I just can’t do it.
You’re the only one thinking this.
There is no great chasm between 0 and 1. You just found that out. You’ll quickly realize that there’s no great chasm between 1 and 10. All you have to do is DO.
Thats so great to hear! Hopefully, you will continue to make those conversations. It will become easier and easier.
My therapist did something similar with me and I also was surprised how nice people reacted. Knowing this definitely helps.
I hope you won’t make negative encounters, but if you do, please keep in mind that if you do – it probably has nothing to do with you! The person just might have a bad day.