My (f21) bf’s (m21) friends invited us to go to their party on Saturday. I’ve only met a few of these people once, so basically these are strangers to me. Also I am the largest girl there, and it makes me a little uncomfortable.
I feel like I’m just gonna be standing there in a corner on my phone like a weirdo. Not going is not an option, I want to be there with my bf and he’s been to my friends parties.
Social anxiety is not new in my life, but I have come very far from where I was 5 years ago. I want to tell my boyfriend that I really need him by my side or at least close to me so I can feel comfortable, but I don’t know if that’s wrong or not. It makes me want to throw up thinking about going.
Does ANYONE have tips on how not to be so awkward? Or how to feel more confident? I planned on having a few drinks before we got there too (he’s driving) thx yall 💕
2 comments
Anxiety in new and unfamiliar social situations is totally normal!! However, it can be tough to rely so much on your partner in party situations (a dynamic that’s unfair to both of you), so I’d suggest a couple of things:
1. Make sure you’re wearing something comfortable! If you’re already worried about the social environment, that anxiety will increase tenfold if you’re also worried about how you look. Do some early costume assessment now (if you’re wearing one) and make adjustments so you can sit, stand, and walk around without worrying.
2. Adjust your intentions a bit. Instead of just surviving the night, what if you go in with the intention of speaking to three new people? Offering four genuine compliments? Talking to one of your bf’s friends for two minutes about the new hobby you heard they’ve picked up? It may feel silly to attend a party with a goal, but it can distract you from feeling intimidated or overwhelmed.
3. Don’t get too attached to them, but keep one or two “small talk standbys.” My biggest struggle is usually fishing for that next topic when the first starts to fizzle out, so I try to be prepared. I like “are you traveling for thanksgiving/the upcoming holidays?” or something similar and seasonally relevant lol.
4. Remember that your phone and alcohol aren’t your only safety nets. If you’re ever feeling overwhelmed or want to reset after an awkward convo, just go to the bathroom. Play a game on your phone for a few minutes and then come out ready to socialize again. In my experience, Halloween house parties always get freakishly hot, so you can also step outside for a few minutes for some fresh air. Finally, “I’m gonna go grab some water!” (said with a smile) is a great way to extricate yourself from a convo you no longer want to be in.
Confidence doesn’t happen overnight, but I’d say just try to be as engaged in the moment as possible. Join casual conversation circles when you can, and stay engaged (aka use body language that shows you’re listening—smiling, nodding, laughing at funny jokes). A lot of times, people will go out of their way to include you when you’ve shown interest!
Well it is spooky szn so you’re definitely in the spirit of it if you’re terrified ha ha ha