I’ve been trying to find meaning in wanting to live a longer life for myself and my friends. But I ponder every day and night whether or not I would be better off not existing and be less of a burden on everyone else’s plate for the sake of time and reality..
Sometimes I have these fascinations about how I would end it all and wanting to just completely rest in the dark until I no longer wake up. Sometimes being in an endless loop like a dream. Like a dream of jumping in the void and just floating with many particles around me.
While most people say it’s selfish and inconsiderate of everyone else. I come to think of it as a blessing and a release to just not be a burden or some type of hindrance in someone’s life. I just don’t want to feel like I’m some type of causality and everyone’s life so far.
Everyday I feel like I’m not achieving my goals or not prospering in certain aspects. I even feel like at any moment, I could be abandoned or forgotten by the people I love because they changed directions and didn’t think I was enough to be around their company.
Maybe that’s the people pleaser in me but I just feel that I need to end myself somehow. At the same time, I don’t know….
Life seems too blurry to even continue but in my own self-conscience, somehow I want to live.
Is this all weird to think about?
23 comments
I think everyone at points of their life contemplate their existence but I also think the goal is to live a valuable life more often than those times. My advice is to stay busy doing something so you feel productive. Anything, work out, volunteer, learn an instrument, get a side hustle, etc. The more you are doing the less time you have to feel sorry for yourself. Just know we are all just trying to do the same. Good luck.
I use to think the same way as a teenager which led to my living a very risky life: gangs, crime and eventually joining the military just in time to invade a country in the middle east in 2003.
The moment my way of thinking (similar to yours) changed completely was the moment i first encountered small arms, RPG and mortar fire. Some rounds hit too close for comfort. It was at that point I realized I wanted to live as long as possible. I had never felt so “alive” as I did in that moment.
So, you may find your epiphany moment soon after your curiosity of “going to sleep in the darkness and never waking up” is satisfied. I knew what it was like to fade into darkness but my ass woke up and i knew my curiosity was satisfied at that point.
Hopefully, you reach your moment in a much safer and smarter way.
People have dark, existential thoughts but the way you’re describing it and saying every day and night, very unhealthy mindset.
Sounds like you have a ton of anxiety and should see a therapist.
Let me know when you find a good reason. Looking for one myself
I wouldn’t say it is weird. All you need is a bit of inspiration. If you can’t find any, see the story of Buddha.
Not doing so removes the experience of when things improve
I don’t know about you, but ‘bloody-minded stubbornness’ has always worked for me.
The world didn’t beat me yesterday, I’ll be damned if I let it beat me today, and I’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
Nothing I read has anything to do with “WE” – don’t make your indecisiveness on how to meaningfully live your life a burden to others. And yes, that sounds very harsh and confrontational and probably gives you this “I am tired of explain myself feeling, now I want to go into eternal sleep immediately and again” but seriously, if you just wanted to end it, you would do so.
You did not, insteady you turned to (a portion of) the public to ask what the hell is going on in/with life. I suspect if you ***really*** would value the things you called “goals” and “aspects to prosper” in you would feel much more fulfilled wih pursuing them, meaning you could either not really understand what you are after or you do and also deep down already know you don’t really care all that much about these things.
Try some enlightend self interest. You have nothing better to do but probably life is a one way street so you can make it at least as enjoyable of a walk down to the grave as possible, no need to skip to the end if you don’t withhold more from yourself than you would like to. And if nothing comes after life there is no reason to pity the hardship of life anyways, because its not like it will weigh on you for all eternity. Earn yourself that eternal sleep, give yourself more reasons to finally want to lay down one last time. 🤷‍♂️
You are correct, but also the opposite is correct and maybe equally crazy: namely to strive to prolong one’s life forever or above the normal amount,IMO life has a projective quality into the future, be it by conventional means like children, works of art or scientific discoveries, or by some life-enhancements or even spiritual practices.
Some people search their whole existence for the meaning of life and never find it. Better thing to ask is what meaning do they bring to their life.
Why not? There’s no reason to live and there’s no reason to give up life either.
Because life was given to us, and we don’t get a second chance.
I have no clue. I ask myself this often and have yet to find a reason to stick around,
Don’t ask me, once I bury my surviving Grandparents, that’s it for me.🤷🏾‍♂️
Try some LSD and ask yourself the same question once you’ve peaked the high. Things get more clear after that. Do it with someone you trust and preferably experienced it before. Also make sure to be in a positive mood.
What you want will become more clear afterwards.
there is zero inherent reason to keep living.
you just gotta find your own. i do it for my son. i do it for my dad. if i wasnt a father, i honestly wouldve waited for my parents to die then i wouldve off myself on a blaze of cocaine and prostitutes.
but other people find other reasons to live that have nothing to do with kids or parents. you just gotta find yours.
I think most of us consider this from time to time. It’s what separates us from animals. Sometimes I am very tired and realize that deep down, there really isn’t a point. However, I don’t think I’d ever take my own life.
I don’t think it’s weird to think about. As long as you’re only thinking about it. Please don’t actually DO anything rash.
I think about the universe. From the first moment in time to your birth. Everything happened exactly the way that you a gifted with this life! Wich is really crazy when you think about it. So be grateful and enjoy it!
I don’t agree with that question, but not really got any choice and we’re all here now and suicide is very difficult for the people who love us.
Nobody is any more of a “burden” than other people are choosing to let them be. Your existential thoughts are a sign of high intelligence and fairly normal. It’s okay sometimes to live for the little things: good food, laughter, entertainment, friends, etc. if you aren’t sure of a “purpose” of your life. We aren’t here for a specific goal other than to enjoy life and make it even more enjoyable for future generations. Have you thought about talking to anyone for depression?
Your purpose will be to make a purpose to live
Because I still have stuff I wanna do