I (22m) grew up in an overly strict and emotionally abusive household, and was never really allowed to hang out with friends or explore the hobbies and interests I wanted. This severely hurt my ability to connect with other kids my age. While I have been able to have positive social experiences with my peers, I struggled during my undergrad years due to anxiety and depression, and I’m slowly rebuilding my self esteem and trying to build a healthy social life.
As a grad student there are fewer social opportunities but they are there, is there anything more I can do to overcome this deficit and increase my chances of success?
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21M i was/am in the same situation, i grew up with strick parents, homeschooled and in the middle of nowhere and didn’t see another person my age for about 18 years. I go to a larger church in my new home which has allowed me to meet a few people my age but i also forced myself to talk to people. It will be awkward and you will do some stupid stuff but its worth it.
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Make money. Then get a schedule. Once you start seeing that you have time for hours of video games and still can make a living, switch to gym/martial arts/volunteer/cooking class/any in person class you like.
That’s it.
But if you ain’t got money you won’t have easy time maintaining social life let alone attaining a healthy one.
I’m a certified monkey
1. I get where you’re coming from, and I feel the same about my upbringing. That being said, we’re all just humans and we all start at different points and places and times and we’re all going different places. The more you branch out, the less you’ll even think of it as being “behind”
2. Be interested in people, or fake being interested. Asking people questions and finding out what they know is the key to your being able to fit in and your learning culture and personal growth yourself. Master smiling , genuinely asking how people are, and being warm and caring. Being nice to clerks and waitresses and such will absolutely be a beginning.
We’re all fucked up somehow. Just be yourself. People will either like you or not but you’re not trying to be something you’re not and the ones that stick around are real 🙂 Don’t stress, friend! Just breath. You got this!
Therapy would most definitely help much quicker than trying to resolve all inner issues on your own.
What will be good to keep in mind as you interact with people your age (or at least in the same life phase) who are seemingly far ahead compared to you is this:
They might be ahead in some areas in life that are visible, but not in others. And even if someone is indeed a bit ahead in all areas, chances are they are still gonna be friendly and open to you, you just have to go first. The ones ahead in everything are also most likely to be the ones who understand this. That everyone has their baggage, their flaws and their insecurities.
I have seen so many people by now who seemingly do well at their job and have their lifes together overall, but then it turns out they have, for example, 0 clue what to do with their savings – some of them feel ashamed of that when the topic comes up, others don’t care; or they have no life outside of work, let alone a mid- to long term plan as for how their life is gonna look like when they are 55; or they are extremely competent in the technical aspect of what they do, but have no social skills and they know it.
So if I see this among 30-year olds, then among early 20-year-olds this is even more likely to hold true of course. Everyone is trying to figure shit out. Dating, self-confidence, life-goals, university, social circles, their bodies, etc. etc.
Go to an mma gym, they’ll absorb you into their community unless you are actively trying not to
Go to an mma gym, they’ll absorb you into their community unless you are actively trying not to