I M(27) having been ripping my self apart over the past year and am considering leaving everything behind and starting over across the country. I’ve been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend F(25) for 9 years now and we have grown in two very different directions. We both have our flaws and we’ve been able to work through it in the past. But for a year and half we’ve hit a major wall and cant move forward. No romance in 3 years, not even good nights or good mornings to each other anymore it has thrown me down a deep depression. Any time I try to mend our wounds she has no interest but insists we stay together…… so the big question: do I cut my losses or do I potentially throw more years down the drain to settle?
5 comments
Why does she insist you stay together?
I think you need a discussion about your needs and your love languages.
Get yourselves into counseling if you have any interest in maintaining the relationship.
Otherwise, why are you thinking about moving across the country? To get away from it all at once? Because that sounds like it could be an issue.
Most relationships that start at that young of an age last the test of time. You both havnt even had the chance to experience being a single adult…all the things you guys haven’t experienced or seen or done because you’ve been tied down during the most formative years of your dating adult life….usually those relationships don’t last, because they aren’t meant to last…most people date a healthy amount of people and by the time they are 25 and up get married or atleast settle down with a long-term partner. Now I’m no expert on dating and relationships and how long they last and all that statistically….but Im 29 now, and I had 600 kids in my graduating class of highschool and I can only name two couples that have made it through highschool, to marriage, to present day intact…like these years your living right now should be your chance to grow as a person, mature by dating different people and experimenting sexually with the things you are interested in…
Idk maybe I’m speaking from experience, my own experience, but most relationships that start that young, do not last whatsoever and if your feeling this way now, then I urge you to end the relationship before your life passes before you and there’s a ton you missed out on because you decided to stay in a dead end relationship with zero growth because you had already invested in the time and effort. It’s not worth it. Go date around, try different things, find what you want as an adult.
You started this relationship as a child basically….your an adult now and you don’t like the same shit you did back then….so now you’ve outgrown your relationship…your wearing child size shoes as an adult.
> No romance in 3 years, not even good nights or good mornings to each other anymore
That’s a lot of time down the drain. You won’t be young forever, so if you want to find yourself in a loving relationship, you need to get cracking on looking for one.
> Any time I try to mend our wounds she has no interest but insists we stay together
So, you’re unhappy, but your partner has no interest in doing what’s necessary to try to make you happy?
> do I cut my losses or do I potentially throw more years down the drain to settle?
Just the way you’ve phrased it implies you already know the answer. The sunk cost fallacy is real. If you were starting out a new relationship and someone asked you how it’s going, would you say, “It’s alright. I’m willing to throw some years down the drain to settle.”?
Time to make yourself happy, and at the same time, give her a chance to make herself happy too.
Sounds like you guys may have run your course. Not every relationship is meant to last forever; it is ok and it is normal to grow apart as you age/mature. The person you were at 18 is probably not the same person you are at 27 and your needs, wants may have changed (same with her). Sometimes it is better for you both to realize this and part ways amicably….She has been in your life for so long, wouldn’t you still want to keep her in it as a friend and not burn the bridge? She might be scared of not being with you simply because it is all she has known and it is better (in her mind) than being alone. Good luck, not an easy situation.