* UPDATE to the below – he came upstairs and managed to speak calmly about the situation with the woman and had some understanding of why I was annoyed and I vocalised my understanding of his frustration in that situation.
After that i mentioned that I wasn’t ok with his comments about what do I even bring to his life and it went downhill from there – he said he didn’t know what I want him to say / do about that, he’d had a drink and felt like in the moment I was just causing him stress at that point. I said I would like him to consider how it might feel to receive that kind of thing from me and how I feel, and that I’m not trying to make him feel guilty I simply want him to understand how it made me feel and not to do that again in the heat of the moment.
At that point it seemed like he just felt guilt anyway and then went back downstairs – he generally doesn’t feel guilt without that kind of reaction so not surprising but frustrating as I struggle to speak about anything that he might feel bad for doing without him reacting like that.
Original post:
My husband and I have been to a wedding today, we had a lovely time, looked at each other through the couple’s vows and held hands etc – been what’s felt like in a loving situation with my partner. Later on as the evening progressed a woman started leaning over my husband on a sofa and talking very closely to him, this in itself was disrespectful to me personally as she knew he was with someone. She then proceeded to call me over and introduce herself and say how much of a girly girl she is and how she’s not a threat to me etc. This to me was annoying because if she felt the need to clarify that then I feel like she knew she was being overtly flirty with my husband. This was annoying anyway and after alcohol and being up since 5:30am that day, I just wanted to go home, but especially after that, I’d had enough for the day. I made it clear to my husband that I was not annoyed at him and that he’d done nothing wrong; but that I was annoyed at her behaviour. He then got really annoyed at me for being annoyed and completely shut down with me, walked off, wanted to leave me to get home from town by myself and said mean things such as, I’m done with you, I’m not annoyed at you for talking to males, when I tried to explain again that I wasn’t annoyed at him, he said more mean things like what benefit do you even bring me, really? What do you bring to my life?
I find this response so upsetting and just cannot understand how he can be so nice all day then as soon as he’s annoyed at me he’s so nasty saying things like that. It doesn’t feel nice at all but I actually don’t understand why he gets so nasty, I get that alcohol makes it worse but still, it’s awful to receive.
We’re now home, I had to ask him to please come home with me because I didn’t want to be left by myself in the middle of town at night. He won’t speak to me and is sleeping downstairs.
5 comments
Is he always like this or only when he drinks? Honestly, he sounds abusive and disrespectful.
The escalation of his comments is wild, and I’m so sorry, you’re right that this is extremely upsetting. Did this come out of nowhere, or have you two been working through some stuff lately?
It sounds like he really liked the attention he was getting too much. I’m sorry.
Maybe when he calms down, you can ask him what you bring to his life. If it were me, my next step would depend on how he answers this question.
Who is she to him? A coworker? Friend? Did he just meet her? It sounds like he was enjoying her attention. Do they have a history? His reaction to you was extreme. I’d sit down and talk to him. You really have to control your emotions and reactions because it sounds like he won’t be able to.