So I (32F) had sex on a first date just over a month ago with a guy (44M). Didn’t really plan on it, but he took me away on a vacation to a hotel … so no sex is a bit hard to pull off. I wasn’t going to … but I’m a submissive pushover 😂
Anyway since then all he wants to do is have sex … I think. Multiple times a week (2-3). I can’t tell if he just comes around late because he’s busy (he is self employed) or if it’s because he only wants sex.
I did have the courage to ask him if he wants a relationship or only sex and he said he likes me a lot etc etc but wants to take it slow. He’s giving me the “he-only-wants-sex” vibes as he’s always too busy to hand, however he also seems really into me and He’ll often make suggestions about how he like going to take me to such-and-such place one day etc, so I’m totally confused!
However, I’m kind of over “just sex” relationships … I’ve had a lot of sex as I’m an attractive girl and just want to do the normally couply things like go driving, travelling, watching movies together. He has been busy with work and other priorities the last times I’ve suggested it, and I can’t be bothered anymore with being rejected.
Do these things usually lead on from sex, or do I need to make it clear?
He’s still on tinder and I just want someone that knows they want me.
How do I take the power back? Or is it lost for good.
I really don’t care if I just need to stop seeing him.
9 comments
I think this one is done. If you don’t even care much, it’s would be the most wise to move on.
I had to ask that recently too.
I told him I need to ask him something. I said “so how do you feel about what our relationship should be?” And he answered that he’s happy with being fwb for a little longer.
The thing is that he said that he was super happy I asked, which made me feel a lot better about the situation .
Honestly it felt really scary asking but if you’re to that point it dosent hurt to lay your feelings out essentially if he’s been seeing you multiple times a week.
So you had sex on the first date, and he only ever hits you up for more sex, and he’s “giving you he only wants sex vibes”? hmmmmmm really makes my noggin go joggin
You guys meet up for sex regularly, but he wants to “take things slow”? 🤨 Yeah, I’m not buying it. Listen to his actions and not his words. I had a brief fling with a guy once who kept SAYING he wanted something more than just hooking up, but basically the ONLY thing we did is meet up for sex. 🙄 I was ok with that for awhile, but I hit a point where I was ready for emotional connection, so I cut him loose. He made it clear with his actions that what we had would NEVER be more than sex. If that’s not what you want, I think I’d move on.
I never understood the power dynamic in relationships. You want what you want. If you’re not getting what you want, then get out and find someone who’ll give it to you. If you willingly choose to let the guy/girl dictate the direction of the relationship, that’s on you. With either gender, it’s a weird combination of thinking that they can’t do “better” than the person they’re dating atm and are unhappy with.
>just want to do the normally couply things like go driving, travelling, watching movies together.
Draw the line in the sand. Tell him these are the only things you want to do from now on – and during the day too. Either he makes time for you in the daytime, or you don’t make time for him. If he’s just using you for sex, his requests to ‘hang out’ will dry up very quickly. That’s how you get your ‘power’ back.
Stop hitting him up. If he is interested, you’ll hear from him. If not, move on for someone that wants you for all of you
How is having sex on first date taking things slow?
How does he have time to hook-up 2 to 3 times a week but doesn’t have time to meet you for regular coffee or dinner dates?
I bet you also haven’t met any of his friends or family, right?
Be careful if this guy is not married and you don’t wanna get involved in the mess. You never know how a woman scorned can behave.
Warnings given, if you want a commited serious relationship you should go for it. By meeting up just for sex you are settling for a “just sex” relationship.
Girl. No judgement, but if you want to be in a relationship and really date someone, going on vacation and to a hotel IS NOT a first date. He doesn’t even know you outside of sex, why would he want a relationship with you? You set up the terms from the beginning that this is a casual, sexual relationship.
Again, no judgement if that’s what you want. But if it isn’t, you need to do things differently. You can’t be used for casual sex if you don’t have casual sex.
I think it’s too late to expect this guy to have a different relationship with you. I don’t think you ruined anything with him, I just don’t think he’s looking for a real relationship based on how he’s treated you and nothing you did would have changed that. That said, you can tell him you’re not interested in hanging out or going to his place or to hotels, and that you only want to go on actual dates. Then go home alone. See if he sticks around and makes the effort if you’re not sleeping with him. I’m going to say I doubt it, since you’ve established that what the relationship is, but you can see.
And next time, don’t do this if you’re looking for a relationship. Wait until you establish what they’re looking for and have an emotional connection before sleeping with them, or run the risk that they’re just looking to sleep around.
My wife and I started in a very similar way. We met in a nightclub and went to my place afterwards. There was just this intense sexual attraction between us. Afterwards, we met about 2 times a week. She came over in the evening and left in the morning.
We didn’t to much outside the bedroom (maybe cooking together or having a romantic dinner somewhere). But I figured out that we have so much in common and that we were both very talkative after sex. After two and a half months, I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Just to be clear: Nothing wrong with sex on the first date. Your guy is the problem. I deleted my tinder account after two weeks I had first met my wife. She was so hot and sensual that I just wasn’t interested in f… anybody else. Your guy talks about taking you to nice places in the future- it looks like a bit of “nice talk” in order to keep you interested.
Do you ever talk about personal things? What do you know about his life? About his aims and dreams? What’s about his family? Has he introduced you to anybody of his friends yet? What does he know about your life? Does he value your opinion? What does he do after sex? Just leave? How do you handle arguments? For me, it smells a bit: He never has time to do anything but sex.