Why is it so shocking for a woman not to want children?

9 comments

1. ✨ societal expectations ✨

2. Every person you know comes from a line of millions of women who for the most part, all wanted children. That’s a lot of influence built into society this way. The ones who go child free don’t pass on their reasoning to the next generation nearly as strongly as those who can tell their kids stories about why they wanted children, how they had children, etc. I don’t really see this changing as long as peoples primary influence is their parents

3. Because the patriarchy wants us barefoot, knocked up possessions and not people

4. What amazes me is that, at least in my experience, the shock and negativity always comes from other women.

5. OLD I get asked this all the time. I devoted my career to working with abused/neglected children, I also saw the damage done to children from parents who should never have had children. People who are emotionally unhealthy should not have children. (That is not why I did not have children, I never felt the ‘urge’ to be married or have children.)

6. As a mom, Ive been telling other women to not have children or to at minimum wait until they have their financial life in order and are doubly sure they are with the right person (or financially/mentally stable enough to go solo). I like to explain how my life has been and show them all the red flags I ignored and what that looks like for someone like me down the road. I was completely naive and living in a fantasy bubble inside my own head when the craving for kids came; I was 22 when I had my first. I wanted my children, but I was an idiot. I’m happy the younger generation is more wise than I was. If I was a young woman/teen now, I would be getting a hysterectomy and vowing to never have kids. My kids are amazing humans and this is nothing against them as people, but this motherhood crap isn’t for me. It is something I’ve struggled with every single day since becoming a mother and it doesn’t get easier. I also did everything backwards; not financially stable, horrible partner choice, and didn’t finish college so my job prospects are meek. I am (and have been) extremely depressed and struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but I do my best to keep on the “happy mom” charade because kids need a stable loving parent so I do all I can to be that. This is just a small glimpse into how I really feel about it.

   Edit to add: my kids are teens now so I’m well past the younger stages, and while it’s easier to talk to them now and to say “yo I need a break” and to go out and do stuff, I still hate being a mother and it’s a choice I have regretted since realizing everything it took from me. It’s not fair to my kids and I know this and do not act like I hate motherhood to them. I love them and it is only my love for them that stops me from killing myself. I hate the choices I made for myself. I hope others can learn from my mistakes and make better ones. That is the only reason I share this.

7. There seems to be some resentment. I think some people who classify women who don’t have children as selfish, etc are, in part, jealous of their freedom.

   I think a lot of women, especially, didn’t really feel like they had a choice. They got married and had children because that’s just what is/was done. It’s what was expected, especially of older generations

   And I think in some way they’re jealous and threatened by/of women who chose something different.

   I also think they oddly assume we’re judging them and hate children.

8. I think it’s too embedded in our society for some women to think that it’s part of their duty to have children.
   I’m far too young to decide if I want kids or not but I’m already leaning towards not wanting them.
   I think women who choose not to have them are strong willed.

9. I think some people genuinely see no value in women outside of their ability to reproduce. As if there couldn’t possibly be anything else we want to do with our lives if we are not mothers