Some background, we have been together for 3 years now. He knows it’s my birthday but he didn’t plan anything for me. He asked me what I would like to do for my birthday and I said I would like to play dnd with family/friends, go to a haunted house, go hiking etc. This is a pretty normal hobby for us. Anyways, he didn’t actually plan anything special for me. Like not a party, didn’t pick a day and get it together. I had to plan it myself, he put 0 effort to try to do anything special-ish for me.
(As a side note, his family didnt know it was my birthday weekend, he didnt even mention it to them when all this was being discussed so they are nice people and in no way part of my problem) Well anyways his father’s birthday was a few weeks ago but the party couldn’t be done then because someone was sick. It got rescheduled for the day before my birthday. A few day ago, they had to reschedule again for my birthday this coming Saturday. So he is expecting me to attend his dad’s birthday, on my own actual birthday. On top of this he isn’t even planning to do anything for me on my own birthday.
I just feel kinda upset. Guess I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for
I know he is going to be really mad if i dont go because he feels his family hasn’t really been able to get to know me. Mostly I work graveyards and they plan everything for 1-2 in the afternoon so it’s really hard to wake up at (my) 1am to go go to parties.
3 comments
I mean I would be upset and explain my feelings more to him. It’s not a situation where you need to give him an ultimatum but it’s definently pretty serious to ignore your partners birthday. I don’t know how close he is to his family, in mine my father is very old and his birthday would take priority over my gf but I would explain the situation and plan a big celebration for her another day. Either he is clueless about how big of a deal it is to you or he is ignoring you completely. I have been in relationships in the past where I didn’t care what my partner thought becuase I assumed they loved me so much they wouldn’t be upset about me rescheduling things like birthdays or party’s. Definitely let him know how hurt you are from this. I would expect him to change if he loves and cares about you. If he tries to make it seem like not a big deal then your not a priority in his life
What exactly are the *good* parts of this relationship, OP?
Does this man even *like* you, let alone love you?
So there are some red flags.
General:
You are together for 3 years and your bf’s parents don’t know your birthday. How did that work? Dont you talk about that? At least in a calender you should have all the relevant birthdays. That is really not normal.
Specific: why does he not care for you? He doesnt seem to care how you are, what you want, how you feel. What is the good part of the relationship?