So I (24 F) have been together with my boyfriend (23 M) for about two months, but we’ve been having sex for about five months. He has never orgasmed with me. I’ve given him marathon blowjobs, we’ve had sex in several positions, and nothing. The first few times we hooked up, he couldn’t get hard or stay hard, but that fixed itself after a couple of weeks and he hasn’t had that problem since. I asked him about it, and he told me that before we had sex for the first time, he hadn’t had sex for over a year and he was watching porn and masturbating several times a day and he thinks that it messed up his ability to orgasm from actual sex. He still says he enjoys it and we have sex a couple of times a week (which is fine with me). When we do foreplay, he’s always the one who initiates penetrative sex, so I know he enjoys it at least a little bit, but he’s never finished. Afterwards, I usually tell him that he should finish himself off and he usually says that he’s too sore or numb or tired. When he does finish himself off, it usually takes him about 10-15 minutes.
This has been really really difficult for me. He hasn’t had this problem with other girls he’s been with before me and I feel really inadequate. He promises that it’s not me, he still enjoys sex, and that he did it to himself by watching too much porn and masturbating too much. He says that it feels really really good for a few seconds and he almost feels like he’s going to finish at first, but then everything just goes numb and by the end, he feels sore. He tells me that he really cut down on the porn and masturbation, but idk. I see myself long-term with him and I’m worried about how this will affect our sex life over time and maybe even our ability to start a family someday, which is something I know we both want eventually. Has anyone here experienced this or know of a fix for it? I don’t want to make him feel bad or like he’s doing anything wrong, but almost every time we have sex I go cry alone in my bathroom because I feel like I can’t satisfy him and it’s really upsetting.
4 comments
> This has been really really difficult for me
Trust your partner when they say they enjoy it. Not getting to an orgasm/not staying hard is not an indicator how much they enjoy the intimacy with you.
The great thing is is that your partner talked to you about it, is working on it, and is still being intimate with you.
It takes time and patience to re-work on how they got to that point.
Had this problem with a partner before. Learn what the “death grip” is, how porn-induced ED affects relationship and how to fix it. It is up to him to work on getting back his sensitivity and not masturbating by using different things and techniques. You can help him and be patient
I’m 35 and my cock behaves similarly. I’ve never considered it ED until reading comments here. I also wouldn’t use the word “Numb” – there’s still sensation, and penetrative, or really any kind of play feels really good – it’s just very difficult for me to reach climax.
It’s a double edged sword. I’ve had the same pattern play out with a couple of partners – it’s cool at first that I can last so long, rebound so quickly, and really go all night. It’s cool that I put their pleasure first. But then it becomes questionable – what are or aren’t they doing to make me climax? What’s wrong?…what’s wrong with them?
And then that looms over the relationship – that I’m not being honest about my atraction to them.
This thing that was awesome at first becomes a serious point of contention.
I also discovered porn at a pretty young age, and have been masturbating almost as long.
He’s not lying to you. It’s not you, and I can promise, from experience, that the sex is very, very enjoyable.
i’ve felt with something similar and he is being honest. it’s not nearly as bad for me but i know what he says is true. there are a few things that help me.
condoms make it 10x worse, without a condom climaxing is not the hardest thing but with a condom it takes hours since i don’t want stds i deal with it (and have multiple rounds so i don’t hurt my partner plus they enjoy it)
moaning is amazing and im almost positive he will be aroused by it because of how dramatic porn moaning is so either fake it which i don’t recommend or learn how to have amazing orgasms with him and let it out.
i would try to convince him to cut off masterbation all together and just be extremely open to sex when he wants it or ask for it a lot.
also try other things to increase stimulation like gel or anal fingering since he probably hasn’t numbed the nerves back there lol. maybe incorporate porn into sex or include some of your naughtier fantasies into dirty talk.
this my just be me but if you gently touch his dick while you are doing something nonsexual like a movie. just small movements that you could do for hours, this will get me closer to orgasm than all sex acts when condoms are involved