I don’t really know how to explain this but when I see random people in my high school I just wish I could be more like them. They have a bunch of friends, they date, they dress up nicely, look very attractive, are quite popular and just have this “cool” aura to them.
I know this sounds like a childish thing to say but it’s on my mind every single day.
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I totally get that and felt the same way in high school. These people probably have parents and siblings that encourage and model this behavior themselves. My parents and siblings were socially inept nerds and didn’t have any of this.
To make a change in yourself, you can observe how they do it, listen and watch carefully, and modify your behaviors and style that feels cool but also feels authentic to you.
I am absolutely the same way, I have no friends, I’ve always been the outsider, and a plus, I’m am the most self conscious person I know. I would love to know what it feels like to be messaged first, be in a group chat with friends, constantly have people to hang out with, and be super chill all the time without trying
You can become cool by pursuing your own hobbies and goals. Overtime you will achieve things and build self confidence. Chase excellence, not people.
No, because even though I wasn’t a cool kid in high school, community college, or university, people love me
I don’t watch movies, TV, I was pretty fat in high school and sort of in community college, not interested in sports, etc
But I was happy and confident (as confident as high schoolers can be). I was kind to everyone, and consequently voted “best smile” and “most cheerful person” for the yearbook.
Confidence is cool.
Not seeking validation cause you know you got it is cool.
Wear your own style like a boss and they’ll be jealous. Now they looking at you like Damn I wanna be like him.
I now work in a lab and everyone is super smart, I don’t feel the need to seem cool anymore, feels good. Environment is everything.
Trying to be cool doesn’t usually make people seem cool. If there are any cool trends or things that you like maybe you can lean into those. But if you’re not genuinely interested in those cool trends, it comes across as phony. Acting like you belong is so helpful as well, because acting like you don’t fit in makes us come across cold and awkward
I think what you mean is “hip.” Meaning:
“Having or showing awareness of or involvement in the newest developments or styles.”
Honestly not a hip guy either and never wanted to try. If you wanna catch up, watch all the front page things on YouTube. It’s there because it’s mainstream and a lot of people watch it.
Don’t try, imho. It’s all a fad. Their lives are just the same, maybe with more privilege and entertainment. But chasing something you’re not is a fruitless endeavor as you won’t value the same things they do.
Try dressing better. Take a risk, but keep in mind that they are not inherently or naturally better than you.
one of my biggest regrets in highschool was chasing after validation from the cool popular kids. but i realized none of that matters after school, I neglected my grades in the process and wasted my school years. seeing what they’re up to now the same popular kids i tried to desperately impress peaked at highschool. just be yourself, you can be cool in your own way
Me too….I feel like an outcast too. I don’t have many friends even the 1-2s I have, have their own life.Sometimes I just wish what it be like to hangout or like have someone text u first or approach u with effort thinking “oh they seem cool” or like do normal friend stuff. But I guess I’m not much of an attractive person…..nor my first impressions are really great …..I also have really low self esteem and am mad self conscious. Guess they make some kinda difference too.
What is stopping you from being cool?
– Some of the things they do you can do too (such as dress up nicely) and some others you can work on (such as social skills)
– You might not fit into these specific “cool kids groups”, but:
– 14 years after graduating highschool and still being friends with some of the cool kids from back then, it turns out that they have a drastically different perception of who the “cool kids” are.
– One of my best friends was considered probably *the* cool kid. But *he* never saw it that way. In fact, him and his group of friends – while being the cool kids in my eyes at the time – never talked about such things because it’s just not on their minds.
– This was also the reason why him and his friend group had no issues accepting me, the somewhat awkward, good at maths, and violin playing-ass only Asian kid in the school into their monthly poker games and being seen chatting with me in front of everyone .
I do not like being cold. On hot days I would like to be cool but on cold days no.
Right of what you are feeling, all is not how it looks. Pplr ppl may be having different set of anxiety types and troubles.
No worry about friends now. First focus on learning to talk. Keep conversations. Talking difficult at first, but easier by 1000 talk.
I know that you can do it! I believe in you and I have and also am shy. You awesome and need to believe in yourself.
This is a very natural thing where we want the best and being cool, looking attractive and so on can get us better friends, jobs, wealth, and power. Most people are stuck in this selfish way of thinking and become bitter when they can’t have what they deem to be their fair share of what this world has to offer.
Luckily around 2000 years ago A man from the middle east was sent to this earth to save us from our sinful ways and thoughts. By selflessly sacrificing himself , he allowed each and every one of us to obtain salvation, just because he cared so much! All we have to do is say sorry and change our way of thinking.
Wish you all the best
being cool is not giving a fuck so the moment you stop stressing and do what you want you will have achieved it
edit: being popular is something different. but i experienced people are more drawn to you if you do your thing without questioning yourself.
you can’t be a leader if you look to other people all the time about what to do or how to act
I wish there was something I could say to help, but I see you, I understand you, I’ve been there and still am. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. When you try to change yourself to fit someone else’s narrative that’s when it becomes a problem. You shouldn’t have to build better social skills, dress nice, look “attractive”, etc. to be accepted, it’s everyone else who should be looking at themselves and changing the bullying, the status quo, and the mutual respect that they give. If people gave as much attention as they take the world would be very different. Someone once told me that to other people they are the most impotent person in thier world and you are not thier priority, so why would you make them yours?
No. Because of the “coolness paradox” you cannot be “Cool” if you want to be cool.
I was a Nerd and a social outcast in high school. Nothing I did was going to change that. I didn’t really care.
In my late 30’s I got a job as the maintenance manager for a small school. The kids thought that I was like a God who walked the earth. They loved helping me with things and still, a decade after I left that job, if I run into former students will remember and remind me of stupid jokes I made that they still remember.
In that job, I became cool, because of who I was, and how I treated them, not from any desire on my part.
As the one who was considered a weird girl throughout her middle/high school years, I want to BEG YOU to stop discrediting yourself.
I always got picked on and never had many friends, especially other females. I tried and tried, but they always made fun of me behind my back or played mean pranks. Even some of the guys would. I’m sure a lot of that had to do with my sexuality though. See, I knew I was bisexual since like, kindergarten so I’ve always been open about that & never really thought much of it until around 5th grade when I’d started getting bullied for it.
So yeah, It sucked and it hurt to constantly be outcasted & talked about, but I never changed myself to make them want to befriend me. I was and will continue to be a 100% open book.
That being said, I still had low self-esteem & thought I was a loser. I thought I’d always be the girl who is cute at best, awkward, judged for the experiences I’ve had, & forever unable to meet others who would appreciate my quirks even if they were nothing like me.
I’m 31 now, still look exactly the same, and I’m still awkward, dorky, & weird. I know it because people tell me all the time. Only difference is my low self esteem is worse now because I’m facing the fact that I’m aging :/
Anyway, I never thought I was cool enough, but in my 20s you wouldn’t imagine how many people from middle school that I thought hated me & that i havent even spoken to since randomly messaged me to say that they used to look up to me for being comfortable in my own skin. Or to thank me for staying true to myself because it helped them gain courage to come out later on or to go for their dreams.
I wish they’d told me when I was still in school because I think I’d be doing such great things with my life instead of growing up with the impression that I wasn’t worth a damn.
My point is, a lot of us are very similar. We’re all just trying to make it through life as we figure it and ourselves out. Don’t hold others up on a pedestal because you don’t know what they’re life or like. They could even be looking at you and wishing they could be more like you.
I’m a firm believer that everyone has at least one thing about themselves that’s worthy of the word “beautiful,” or “cool.” You feel outcasted, unworthy, or like you’re not the same as other people at your school? OWN👏🏻THAT👏🏻SHIT👏🏻 because in the long run & in the world outside of high-school, your individuality & your quirks are the things that’ll make you stand out & quite possibly get you closer to the things you want in your life.
Hi there, hope that you are well. Why exactly do you wish to be cool?
Watch the movie Heathers it’s about being the odd one out.
Cool is a perception – but yeah, we all want to be something else – or someone else.
No such thing trust me if one of the people think it then normally the jobs just be u if ur young your find yourself dw
No reason to feel childish. Almost 20 years later, I still feel that way.
HA! I was cool in HS and am absolutely not cool now. I know that is no consolation. But when I see people talking like this, I just wish they could see my FB, see my friends, see the cool ones, some of who still are, some who arent, and some who were not who are amazing now, and so on. HOWEVER, in my school? The popular people were that way because they were just friendly to everyone. They weren’t mean or anything. Just pretty nice and friendly. People respond to that. But don’t start off trying to be friendly to (just) the cool people. Just everyone. Also, aren’t there different groups in your school? Jocks? Theater kids? Other things like people who like certain types of music or are nerdy or gamers or musicians or whatever? Is there a niche you can slide into? You might be missing some sort of “ways in” that could be quite easy. I may be too old to comment on how HS is now, but this kind of continues to play out for the rest of your life. The ability to scan a crowd, and find “your people/your tribe” as some people say, is a skill that is worth getting early on in life. Later on you can up that to being able to blend (without being a phony) with groups that are different than your usual.
All of the time man…
It’s not childish to be inspired by others. Take note of what they are doing that you like and incorporate those things into your own life. Before you know it, you will also be cool
Most “cool” kids usually just have rich parents. Even in wealthy communities the “cool kids” usually just have wealthier parents. Though, sometime being cool is just the difference between old money and new money. Of course, there are exceptions, but for children it’s generally just the wealth of the parents compared to the wealth of the rest of the community that defines them.
I feel this, my entire life. It’s brought me a lot of pain, on top of an abusive childhood, ADHD and GAD diagnosis I never learned how to be myself and coping with alcohol and weed while life happens.
whole lot of cope in this thread
In my high school, the richer you were the cooler you were. It didn’t matter how pretty you were, how good of a friend you were, it was based off money. The rich kids were usually good looking but not always
I was “cool” in high school, had all of the things you mentioned, and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Myself and all of my friends were honestly miserable lol.
I wish I had allowed myself to remain true to my interests and not succumbed to the pressure of popularity. It’s not worth it.
Your interests and hobbies sound healthy and happy – stick with those and know that being authentic is the coolest thing you can possibly do. You won’t regret it.
I do 😔
Honestly I think it’s all about our own perception of people.
I went to school with a colleague’s younger sister. When she asked her sister if she remembered me, she apparently replied “she was one of the scary cool people, I would’ve been terrified to talk to her’. It really made me laugh because I really didn’t feel cool back then. I had low self confidence and crippling anxiety. I think I probably came across as a bit standoffish because of my social anxiety and tended to just stick with my really good friends!
I remember her though and really loved her individual style and how she was super smart. She had beautiful hair! I probably should have told her that I liked her style but her smartness scared me a little.
Well it’s hard to change it in high school but if you plan on going to college, that might be your time! It’s a new school where nobody knows you at all so you can be whoever you wanna be. I was probably the least popular person in my entire high school but in college I’m pretty cool. I became friends with the ‘cool kids’ and everyone just thinks I’m cool. Which is good but it has downsides to it bc some people will be too intimidated to talk to you.
Just think about the future and how cool you’re going to be when you have a cool job and money. High school socks for a lot of people.
So. I actually was THE absolute coolest kid in my school!
I was homeschooled.
But seriously, now as an adult, I’ve had plenty of people consider me as a “cool” person. Honestly, what I’ve realized, is that life is all about relationships. I don’t mean romantic ones, but genuinely how you relate to other people and the impact you leave on people. How you dress, look, your hobbies, etc. might help, but they are not what make you cool or enjoyable to be around. Leaving a positive impact on people you interact with is what really matters.
I have a lot of hobbies and I’m easily interested in a lot of things so I will admit I have an easier time relating or being interested in other people’s hobbies and interests. But even if that’s not your case, learn how to talk with people and be genuinely excited to learn more about them and what they’re passionate about. Experiencing someone express their passion to you is super enjoyable (at least for me.) When you get someone to open up like that with you and talk about things they’re passionate about, they will automatically enjoy being around you.
It takes effort, but I go out of my way, talk to people and show genuine interest in them. I am also the one to initiate hang outs, gatherings, etc. I’ve learned to not take the personally either. Some people are just bad at reaching out and trying to hang out. It doesn’t mean people don’t like you or want to be around you.
Also, be diverse in who you talk to. Go talk to the jocks, musicians, nerds, whatever! Even if it’s just to learn more about what they love and why they love it.
Show interest in people. Be proactive about getting together with people and you will be more popular and have more friends than you know what to do with.
Most people in high school are fake. Just getting that out of the way. 95 percent of those people will disappear after graduation and you’ll never see or hear from them again. That’s life. The only friends I still have now are the ones I knew before high school. All that popularity, all the partying, all the girls, etc. nobody gives a shit after high school. Means nothing.
I’ve always kept my circle small. I’m fine with that. I don’t need lots of friends to be happy. I do better on my own. I rarely date. I’ve been single for 3 years, last time I dated was my senior year of high school. Also was the first and only girlfriend I’ve ever had. A couple months back i had ran into some girls from HS who I used to crush on. They were all like “omg you got SO hot” or “what are you doing now?” “You wanna hang out?” Just tryna act like we’re long lost friends when none of them ever paid me so much as a passing glance in the hallways.
I don’t know if we have the same meaning for cool but I think changing up the way you dress can really help you out, for me personally when I see someone with hood fashion walking I always think “wow they must be cool to hang out with” it’s honestly a very simple thing to do I noticed the better I dressed the more I would be approached by people wanting to get to know me
I have officially reached the peak of not caring what people think when they see me so I act myself and apparently that has been the key I didn’t know I had all this time. They think I’m cool, and I’m just being my dorky self. Everyone is so worried about being seen, which means everyone is trying to avoid each other and not actually looking at them.
If you are envious of them and putting yourself down you gotta take a step back. Force yourself to respect your self and then analyze what makes them cool. It’s not the clothes. It’s the social capital and some of the habits that they have often. If they are pretty what do they do to look good? Skin care? Eat right most of the time? Exercise, either by hitting the gym or doing a sport? At your age that has a massive fast effect on how you look and feel. They know more people to have more social power. Do they stay home or do stuff with people? How did they cultivate those connections? Sometimes it’s stuff outside your control, but also it’s from things like being outgoing and/or more importantly being plugged into things which force you to interact and get to know people. Join organizations in school and interact with the people in it. Over time you build a web of people from it. The organizations often have you working towards something, like a sport, which makes you experience hardship then success. That repeated exposure to hardship and success makes you much more confident. Also this is a shared experience to bond with people over.
Being “cool”, means that:
-U have to play less videogames
-U have to force yourself a LOT to leave the comfort zone
– u have to start doing things you hate and talking to people that u dont like
-MANY other things.
Soo…maybe u dont want to do ALL that? Maybe u just need to accept yourself?
i’ll say that after high school it mostly doesn’t matter who was cool. i had fun in college, and most of the “cool” people from my high school school had already peaked and were pregnant lol
I’m pretty sure I know what you’re talking about, and yes I have felt that before. I’m not in high school anymore bit I have actually always been attracted to “cool kid” types of women. It doesn’t nag at me but sometimes yeah I think “man I wish I was less awkward and more cool”
I totally understand it and also relate to what you are saying… I often look at extrovert ppl with los of friend, laughting and wish I could be more like them
I don’t want to be cool, but I do wish people would respect me. Everyone seems to think I’m a joke even from my old friends. My goal is to be good and professional at something and maybe people will respect me.
Chasing “cool” is a complete waste of time – speaking from personal experience. I learned it the hard way. Don’t do it unless your job requires you to do so e.g. actors, celebrities. Once you start acting cool, you invite more and more distractions + fake friends everyday into your life. Even though you think you can control it, everything will eventually become a burden and crush your self-esteem. Stay true to your goal! And if you don’t have one then find it!
Yep
I’m 23 and I have this same feeling lol
I feel the same way