Looking for advice on how to lower my guard socially and drop my ego/narcissism when dealing with social anxiety and low self esteem.

I’m looking for advice or even insight since I’m really insecure and self conscious I struggle to show people the real side of me, the sweeter side, since I was put down by family whenever I showed a more sensitive side of me so I felt embarrassed and hid it.

I hate the way I am socially I’m always so in my head that I look angry/anti social since I’m constantly self loathing and often frown whilst I’m in my head. It comes of as very unfriendly plus I’m lanky and pale so I think it comes of even weirder on top of my social awkwardness. Whenever someone asks me a personal question, even as simple as what did you do in your previous job or what do you like to do in your spare time, I’ll put my guard up and become offensive and embarrassed.

Even thought I have social anxiety and I can blame my behaviour on that, but theres certainly an element of narcism from this mindset, I guess it originates from the insecurity and fear from judgement of how I’m seen in these situations. I then get the reaction as if I’m actually that, and I turn into a self fulfilling prophecy, I really best myself up over mistakes and interpret social mistakes very personally. So that makes me more on guard and believe I’m actually that person rather than showing the sweeter side of me.