He has much stronger feelings for me than I do for him, and I think it’s not fair to him and will hurt him even more if I stay. I also don’t really want to be in this relationship anymore in general, because I’ve lost a lot of enjoyment in talking to/spending time with him. How much (if any) of this should I be saying?
Also, I’m not sure whether to do it in person or over the phone. I know that breaking up over the phone is generally a bad idea because it’s considered disrespectful and low-effort. The problem is that I can’t think of a suitable place to break up in person. I’m definitely not doing it in school, and we’ve never been to each other’s houses, so that’s not an option either. I don’t feel comfortable doing it in a public place, because I feel like there’s a lack of privacy and we might not be able to talk openly. Also, neither of us can drive, and while my place is near public transport, I’m not sure about his. In the past, dates have also required a lot of planning effort, because of our schedules, our parents, and having to share the car with family members. In this case specifically, we would have to agree on a place and time, at the very least. I don’t know if it’s worth going through all that planning, and he’ll probably be suspicious (though that might be a good thing, at least he wouldn’t be totally blindsided). So I’m not sure what to do.
TLDR: I think I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I don’t know how detailed my reasoning should be and how I should do it.
3 comments
There is no perfect way to do this, and no matter what you choose, the person getting dumped will pretty much always leave thinking you should have done better, or differently.
So don’t beat yourself up. When nothing else is practical and you have no regular chances to interact one-on-one outside of school, a phone call is reasonable. I’d recommend you do it on a Friday so he’s got the weekend break before you have to see each other again, but besides that, don’t overthink it too much. No one ever gives you a gold star for dumping them, no matter how hard you try to do it the right way. So just don’t drag it out.
He’s going to hurt no matter what, so there is no easy way, especially when you’re a teenager.
Just call him up and tell him you’re sorry, this is very hard, but you are very young, and you are not ready for dating or serious relationships. He’ll ask what he did, and I would not entertain that or say you’re less invested than he is. Just say you aren’t ready to date and be serious at this stage in your life. Be polite but firm, and say it’s nothing anyone did, but you’re just not ready to be serious.
He’ll be hurt, he’ll think about it for a few weeks, months, but he’ll move on. Breakups are a part of life and they are never easy.
You could break up in person at the end of the school day. I would choose that over a phone call, but otherwise phone call would be second best option.
Keep things tactful and respectful. You can say you don’t feel ready to date right now. You would rather focus on school or extra curriculars. You could blame your parents and say they’ve been pushing you to focus more on school.
Alternative: You could say you don’t feel the spark between you. He’s a great friend and has many great qualities, but you don’t necessarily have romantic feelings anymore. Over the last few months you hoped your feelings would grow stronger, but unfortunately you feel more like good friends than lovers.
Close by saying you’re sorry it didn’t work out, and ask how you can respect his space tomorrow. (Can you still say hi in the halls, or would he prefer you never talk to him until he’s ready?) Respect his wishes and move on.