Was talking to someone 1-on-1. They use to be in a group chat with me but left because they felt wronged and disliked. I wanted to hear their side and they say how they have a difficult time making and keeping friends and that most people don’t wanna talk to them. Then you hear “they never help/do stuff with so I get angry at them” and silent treatment on people. I heard from the other side and many people had said they were clingy, passive-aggressive, etc. Of course, this is something vulnerable and I don’t wanna shit on them but then again- I feel like they need to know how their actions are perceived by others. Like what do I do/say? It seems like they don’t want insight but sympathy and support.
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Sometimes friends really just need sympathy and support….
Yes – I’ve encountered this before a number of times.
Tricky bit is – people who have this sort of ego-fragility are almost always the most likely to take what you are saying as being really mean or attacking them. To attempt to help them “see the light” – you have to *really* tread carefully – and even then its very unlikely you’ll get the message across without triggering them in some way.
Sympathy and support can be comforting for them – and sometimes I wonder if this is just the right move over giving any honest advice at all.
However – I’ve gone this route with really ego-fragile friends before – and they ended up *really* grabbing onto that – and asked for a lot of time and attention, to the point of not entirely respecting my boundaries. And, to a person – none of the friends who were like this have come around and reciprocated that at all.
I think all of these behaviors ultimately stem from a lack of emotional maturity, and a lack of empathy skills. IMO its up to you to decide how much you want to give – but just give charitably without expectation of reciprocation or of being able to count on them as a “core friend”