Is there something wrong with me for wanting to have deep conversations?

17 comments

1. What kind of heavy, serious deep conversations are you occasionally wanting to have with other people and why ? You specifically mention that people tell you to stop taking things so seriously … people usually say that if you are emotionally sensitive about something or taking something too personally.

   The truth is you do need to be an overall fun person to be around and bring positive vibes. Otherwise, people will attach you to negativity and avoid you. Vibes are contagious.

2. I think it’s not strange at all, but it’s a personality thing.

   But to also be clear, if your version of deep and heavy is a need to process emotional baggage or the past – then get a therapist, friends are not there to carry your load or do that work with you (although they can support you going through the process of the want and can).

   But if it’s more you want to share some things going on, new insights or thoughts or discuss life from an existential or philosophical point of view etc. Then you just need to find people with similar interests (not unlikely an introvert).

   I can tell you for a fact, that we who “think too much and too deeply” definitely exist out there. 🙂

3. It’s not your fault that most people got assaulted by reality tv and social media.

   You’ll find your tribe, chin up.

4. I’m the same, and I’ve only met 2 people who are on that level of preferring deep conversations….I feel like we’re a rare breed 😆 Nothing wrong with that, it just might take you a while to find those people. So keep being yourself and good luck 🤙

5. Honestly people who “like deep conversations” can come off as self-indulgent, only talking about their own views and how they see things; or prying, asking people about things they are not comfortable talking about. And sometimes they come off as shallow, as what the think is “deep” is actually very basic.

   I love deep conversations, but with the right people. Close friends, and sometimes acquaintances/strangers who have displayed insight and wisdom.

6. I love to get serious. For sure, I’ve had to learn to keep things lighter, which I do by finding metaphors for things, or exaggerating to the point of ridiculousness, using very dark humor, and not sharing sad stuff until I’m over it.

   Sometimes though it’s just matter of finding like minded people. Some people think it’s deep to talk about how to get points using credit cards. Others wants to go deep on xmas decorations or coupon hunting. Put me in a seat next to that person and I’ll be feeling almost physical pain… But I can bore someone to tears deep diving about plenty of things, and I have seen that look on their faces, poor souls… So pick your person and pick your topic carefully.

   There is definitely something to keeping things upbeat, but you can definitely go deep while staying in neutral or cheerful territory. You can even talk about your pet who died in a way that won’t bring the room to tears, just watch any comedian and they’ve mastered the art of making depressing things funny.

7. Deep conversations are not really the way to go with people you just met (however, there are exceptions when you really connect with someone)! Just don’t be negative to begin with.

   BUT if it’s with your loved ones, your friends, and your relatives… Well… Surround yourself with people who suck less. 🙂

8. No it’s normal. Few people really get to that level in their friendships. Most of the time (at least with guys) it’s non-stop one-up-manship and jokes galore. It takes the right setting and right people to move to that level of comfort and consideration, so it won’t always work.

9. No.

10. No it is not

11. Nope, toi just gotta filter out the shallow ones

12. It wholly depends on what you’re talking about. Two things are going to kill your deep conversation right away: complaining or boasting, and talking about topics they find totally worthless.

    I have a friend who is smart and interesting and great to talk with most of the time, but when he starts talking about conspiracy theories and shit, I just shut down. I’m not interested in spending time talking about it.

    Another friend I once had would regular go on long winded monologues about how terrible everything and everyone in his life is. We would occasionally try to help him see the silver lining, but he wouldn’t have it. He just wanted to complain. Just assess your conversation etiquette and make sure you don’t talk for too long, interrupt, one-up, things like that.

    So, if you’re always talking about one thing that no one else is interested in, or if you’re just talking about yourself and your experiences, people may be shutting you down. If not, then you just haven’t found a conversation partner yet. Some people don’t like to talk like that, nothing wrong with it. But some people do, and when you find them you’ll be golden.

13. Deep conversations either come naturally or they don’t come.

    You’re trying to force it, because you seem deprived of them. I do understand why you do it, but it doesn’t work that way.

14. You have to be careful about the way you behave in those conversations in order not to monopolize them (if this happens to you maybe it’s the reason your friends tell you to stop). Also, maybe you shouldn’t go directly into deep topics, but wait (or initiate) for a natural flow of a regular conversation into a deeper one. Hope this helped you.

15. I would love that, but if it’s a topic I’m not well versed in I feel like I can’t contribute to it enough.

16. I don’t think that anything is wrong with you, although you shouldn’t expect to have deep conversations with most of the people you meet. That’s just not going to happen. And even with the people who have similar interests, not everyone is going to be a good match in terms of being suitable for deep conversations. For me there’s just a chemistry and comfort thing. With certain people it just flows naturally.

17. Can you give examples of deep conversations? What is a deep topic to one can be a shallow or pointless topic to other.

    Sometimes people don’t want to talk about a topic, because they don’t have enough knowledge about the topic. Like i wouldn’t be able to discuss the techniques used in music, because i lack the technical knowledge about music.