I don’t know why but I never had a girlfriend. When I was a child being friends with boys always was easier for me. The only girlfriend I had with who I felt really great felt in love with me and we stopped being friends.
I started a new job and my coworkers are mostly women my age. I feel so awkward around them, I don’t feel like myself at all. I even talk weird lol and I can’t help it, while with guys I feel like myself and communication with them is easy for me. I don’t want my experience in the company be weird, I want to be able to make girlfriends but I don’t know why it doesn’t work for me.
tl:dr: I never had girlfriends and feel weird around female coworkers. how to change that?
Do you have any advise?
3 comments
Start by practicing being around women more in groups where there is a shared interest. So, for example, if you play a sport join a women’s sports team. If you like to work out take some group classes at a women’s gym. If you like to read find a book club. If you’re into languages find a conversation group that is mostly women. If you’re into politics volunteer for something with other women. This will give you practice talking to women and give you easy things to talk about if you get anxious or don’t know what to say.
Consider meetups groups and other online sites for making friends.
I’d also consider ways to get more comfortable just hearing women talk/ feeling like you’re hanging out even if you’re not. There are a bunch of popular podcasts that are basically cool women hanging out. Find a few that interest you and take time to regularly listen. Similarly, you can adjust your reading a little to spend time with some first person narratives written by women. Gather a diverse list there as it will help you appreciate how varied women are and how many different ways there are to talk about things.
If you’ve got good guy friends do any of them have partners who are women that you can occasionally socialize with or other women friends? It’s okay to confide in a guy friend and ask for help talking to and feeling comfortable around women, it may also help if a friend is there and if initial hangouts are in mixed gender company.
If you’ve got female relatives, that’s also a way to spend some more time just practicing being around women.
Therapy can also help you work through feelings about this, especially as they pertain to work. It may be worth interrogating why you feel more comfortable around men and spending time considering whether you’ve also stereotyped men and women in ways that might be detrimental for you based on past experiences.
Also look for other ways to find women who can be companions to you. An elderly lady buddy you volunteer to chat with may be helpful here, or, if you’ve got a skillset maybe tutoring or mentoring a female college student or two for extra income makes sense.
I would not suggest looking to your coworkers to be your first and only female friends, especially if you’re new to the job. Maintaining professional relationships there until you become more adept at this will probably prove wise.
Start off small. Ingratiate yourself with your coworkers by bringing little snacks and taking interest in them
responses here are great, you could try using friendship apps. also online spaces like discord servers maybe? i too do not have many girl friends but after a while i realized that only mattered as much as both parties let it matter. ive found i get along very well with nonbinary folk though over the years I’ve just made friends with people of varying genders. i think after a while you’ll get used to it being around your coworkers. seriously nothing is wrong with you either. ^-^ good luck