I feel like I’m constantly horny, and the first thing I think of when I see a woman is her sexual attractiveness. I know women are people and they are so much more than sex rationally. But I am literally constantly thinking of how to get laid, my dick is semi-erect most of the day, and I feel so much intense sexual frustration. I feel bad because I don’t want to objectify women in my head, but I still do.
3 comments
Sounds like you’re a 23M. You can only do so much buddy. You realize that women have value outside of their bodies, right? You don’t say all the shit you think, right? If yes to both of those then I think you’re good to go.
This is one of those situations in which our politics and our biology aren’t going to agree, but your behaviors can cover the gap so that you won’t freak out the people around you.
Most men are visually stimulated by sexual imagery. Scientists have done experiments in which they expose men to sexual imagery while they are scanning the brain and it lights up like a Christmas tree.
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[Sciencey Stuff](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2739403/):
“*The currently available data strongly support the idea that men and women differ in the sorts of stimuli that they find sexually attractive and arousing. We still do not know the relationship between these sex differences in preference and differences in physiological arousal as there is not yet a common metric to compare physiological arousal in men and women. A variety of factors clearly moderate responses to sexual stimuli in men and women. Evidence supports that some previously observed sex differences in response to sexual stimuli may, in part, reflect a differential response to the content of the stimuli used. Men are influenced by the sex of the actor portrayed in the stimulus while contextual factors, possibly allowing for the creation of a social scenario, may be more important to women. Additionally, men generally prefer stimuli that allow objectification of the actor and projection of themselves into the scenario, while women are aroused primarily by stimuli allowing projection, although men also use the projection strategy which is positively associated with sexual arousal (Koukounas & Over, 2001)*.”
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Specifically, you’re probably wired to get excited when you see exciting stuff. That’s not something to feel shame for and if you find a sexual partner, that partner is probably going to want you to have those feelings. You can’t turn it on or off depending on whether you have a partner or not.
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What you can do is control your behaviors and treat people as individuals. Within most cultures, men are required to suppress their sexual nature and hide it until a willing partner gives you permission to reveal that side of yourself in a safe context. I can’t say that is healthy, but those are the rules society is using at the moment.
If you see something sexually exciting, keep a poker face unless the context makes it very clear that this is an appropriate context to express your sexual desires. If it isn’t an appropriate context, remind yourself that this person is an individual and they won’t welcome this kind of attention.
You sound normal and ethical to me.