What are signs of an abusive partner?

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1. when begin controlling everything you do

2. If you find yourself afraid, ashamed or embarrassed to do things or talk to people that you love because of how they’ll react.

3. They isolate you, slowly keep you from family, friends, any money you get goes to them, belittling comments, lower your self esteem, body shaming, gas lighting, taking your phone, control over your clothes, they answer for you when someone talks to you etc

4. Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. that book saved my life frankly

5. If you find yourself pondering this question at any point in your relationship you probably know intuitively where the dynamic of your relationship is heading

6. You make up excuses for their behavior, been there

7. When you start making excuses for their wrongful behavior.

8. Excluding gifts, keeping secrets from your partner that you tell other people.

9. they get upset and punish you for expressing feelings when something they said or did had upset you. could be something so simple.

10. I’m probably biased, but I’d be inclined to say if you have to ask then perhaps you are seeking validation so you can leave. And if that is accurate, I just want to let you know that it’s okay to walk away. You don’t even need a reason. You can just do it, abuse or not. You are stronger than you may think (also- I’m totally sorry if I’m being presumptuous!). I found myself seeking the same sort of advice for 2.5 years on Reddit when I was with my ex. It only got worse. The level of disrespect got worse, to the point where he came close to hurting me and he was yelling at our baby. Weird fact but apparently a pregnant woman is more likely to experience abuse after they give birth.

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    If you feel like you’re in an abusive relationship, there is actually some information you can read online about the cycle! But generally, it follows as:

    1. Calm Phase
    2. Tension building
    3. Incident/Violence (types of abuse can be physical, emotional, mental, financial, etc)
    4. Make-up/Honeymoon phase

    [repeat the cycle. Each phase could last hours, days, weeks, and maybe months?]

    I think to tell an abusive relationship apart from a healthy one is that in a healthy one, each partner is honest with the other about their behavior and work to genuinely change it. I don’t think people in healthy relationships run around in circles trying to justify their cruelty or gaslight their partner just to avoid facing an issue. Partners should be willing to humble themselves to the other and hold themselves accountable.

    I think if anyone has doubts about their relationship they should consider leaving for sure. Think about how your partner makes you feel… Think about what you love about how they make you feel- not the qualities about them that you love. What do you love about how they make you feel? If you have trouble answering this, think about the closest people in your life.

    I struggled with this question for a month when it came to my ex. My friends? I could easily identify it. They made me feel heard, seen, appreciated, beautiful, etc. It took me a month to think of ONE thing for my ex, and it was just that he knew how to make me laugh. But I’m also very easily entertained, so it wasn’t that deep.

11. They tell you that no one else will ever love you, or you’ll never be able to have it this good if you leave

12. Can I answer for how I knew my sister was in one?

    She’s a very outgoing person. Would share nearly everything with me, even over share at times…

    When she met someone new after moving out of our family home, she didn’t share much about their relationship with me

    That was my sign that something was wrong in their relationship. She felt she couldn’t share the bad & the ugly that was going on behind closed doors

    I had a feeling it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but I only learned the extent of it after the relationship ended

    (not surprising because now you don’t have to face the cognitive dissonance of being with someone who abuses you nor defend them to your loved ones)

13. They ever use the phrase “look what you made me do.”

    You find yourself on AITA because he makes you second guess yourself.

    You have no control over money, either because he says you shouldn’t worry, because he gives you an allowance, or because he spends it faster than you can account for the bills.

    There’s always an excuse why you can’t see your old friends or your family members.

    You feel like you’re walking on eggshells every time he comes home.

14. A friend of mine was in a bad relationship.

    He used to say things like ‘you do not understand’ constantly after he did something wrong she called him on. He made her feel like she had the problem by not understanding him and he never made mistakes.

    He commented on her weight all the time. A man that talks about your weight to you or even infront of other people is a problem!

    They would have a fight and he would go out an cheat on her, he would say that they broke up so it was not cheating.

    Eventually after 4 years she got wiser. They had a fight and he once again said she does not understand. She said she did, that he was an asshole and someone should punch him in the face. He told her to do it then, so she did. She gave him a shiner that lasted a week. They did brake up.

    I was proud of her for standing up for herself. She is short and felt inferior. After about a year and a half they became friends and if he started with his shitty comments again she would tell him she will punch him in the face, jokingly.

15. They push past your boundaries repeatedly when you’ve articulated triggers, in order to perpetuate mistrust and confusion, then act as though they don’t know why you’re “acting irrationally”

16. everytime you cry, you don’t miss that person but what they used to be.

17. [removed]