So online dating is not working for me and leads to failed relationships. I’ve never had the confidence to just approach women and I’m at the age where I want to start looking for a potential lifetime partner. My issue is that I’m an introvert and I don’t go out much so the times that i do run into women who I feel are attractive, its usually at a gas station or the grocery store. Im a simplistic logical guy so I’m not good at coming up with random pickup lines. I basically choke for lack of anything to say and end up not saying anything at all and then beating myself up about it. My normal approach would be limited to “hey how are you doing”? In which pretty much everyone that I ask for advice says that just wouldn’t work. I know this is a rather broad question but I want to start building up the confidence to approach women and not be afraid to say anything so my question is (mainly searching for female opinions) what would be an acceptable approach in say like a gas station or grocery store setting that wouldn’t be overbearing for the situation but may still produce results? Thank you.
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Go to events like startup demo events, or other events in town where professionals meet. You’ll get the chance to meet a lot of people in such settings because networking is something everyone prioritises such circles. The more ppl of the opposite sex you know, the easier it will be to spot who is interested I’m you and eventually make a move. You can also join a dance class, like Zumba or jazz. The kinda class that will attract men and women. It will help you meet people as well and expand your social circle. There’s a few suggestions I could think of the top of my head. I wouldn’t advise cold approaches unless it’s in a community where ppl already know who you are. Otherwise it’s a bad bet. You will likely scare the lady instead.
Yes, find a hobby or use one you already have and join a group for people who have the same hobby. I enjoyed researching past lives and channeling spirits so I joined a local group where a woman channeled a spirit called Michael. Turns out that those kinda groups are usually 80% or more composed of women. Find something you are genuinely interested in tho.
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I think a better idea would be to look closely at your online dating strategy and what you might be doing wrong. Meeting people at thr gas station theoretically could work but it is infinitely harder. If you already have confidence issues from failing at OLD, why put yourself through that.
Here are two major differences. Most women don’t want to be approached by strangers. It’s actually pretty rude in a lot of circumstances. An OLD profile is an open invitation for strangers to talk to them. You have a full green light to start a conversation with anyone you want. Of course they might not talk back but it’s a big difference that they asked you to talk to them. The second big difference is that the rejection is less personal. If she isn’t interested, she just won’t respond. She won’t yell at you for not letting her pump her gas in peace.
Finally, are you using pickup lines. Dont!! Dont!Don’t!! Not OLD. Definitely not IRL.
OLD is actually pretty simple when you get the hang of it. Most guys screw it up royally so most women are really frustrated by it. If you are a guy that knows what you are doing, you’ll get plenty of dates.
Could do everything right and get yourself out there but if you don’t have the “right look” /unattractive then you don’t get anything. Ask the many others who tried to put themselves out there and didn’t get anywhere. Not saying this will happen to you but it’s a real problem for lots
The odds of having a woman interested in your advances at a gas station are astronomically lower than over Tinder. The odds of her pepper-spraying you are much higher.
Don’t hit on women at random mundane locations where they’re just going about the day, at best you will get nonstop rejections, at worst you will become known as the neighborhood creep. You need to make an effort to go to actual social functions: parties, events, and so on. It is socially acceptable to approach and hit on women you don’t know in this context, as meeting people is the whole idea.
If you are a shy introvert human then trying to do a one on one approach at any public place won’t happen. No one can teach you how to be an extrovert, so I would suggest to instead join MeetUp groups or a class or something that would allow you to interact with strangers as a group. Even if you don’t meet anyone there, it might give you tips on how to approach strangers out there in the non virtual world.
As another poster said, see if you can recalibrate your OLD experiences. What have your experiences been? What apps are you using? I think OLD is great for introverts – I’m an introvert and I met my GF through OLD.
Never, I mean NEVER randomly go up to women in gas stations or grocery stores. In college I made the mistake of trying to ask out every woman I randomly encountered and it kinda wrecked my dating life. Random approaches just are not socially acceptable in 2022.
For IRL you kinda just let things happen, meet someone through hobbies or friends, or go to places where approaching random women is acceptable (parties, bars, concerts)
I’m a female, and there is no way I would ever give my number to some guy who approaches me at a gas station or a grocery store. I don’t care how he approaches me or how good looking he is. Never going to happen. I’m there to get gas, groceries, etc., not to get picked up by random guys.
If you want to meet women, you need to start going to places where other people go to socialize: bar, club, coffee shop, beach, lake, pool, party, bowling alley, barbecue at a friend’s house, etc. Or join some kind of club. But a grocery store is not the place to pick up women and the gas station?? No, never.