One of my friends (f20) and I (m21) have been friends for about a year now, but we don’t hang out that much. When we do, it’s usually just her and I and sometimes her friend and we just hang out and watch a movie and talk. Sometimes I take her to parties for my club team. Her and I haven’t hung out in a couple weeks but in that time she has a new boyfriend. I’ll admit I did and still kind of do have feelings for her but I’m more than happy just being friends with her, especially since I can tell she’s not into me. Her bf also seems like a really nice guy and I think that they’ll be happy together.
I’ve noticed that she hasn’t been responding to texts or snapchats as quick recently, and I’m just assuming that’s because she’s more focused on her new bf. We’re supposed to hang out sometime next week but we haven’t figured out when yet.
I want to ask her to lay out some boundaries for me so I don’t accidentally cross a line. Something along the lines of “is it okay if we still hang out just the two of us” or “are you still comfortable coming to parties with me” I have zero intentions of taking it too far and I don’t want her to be uncomfortable with something I do unintentionally. What is a good way for me to approach the conversation?
TLDR: want to make sure I have clear boundaries with a friend now that she’s in a relationship
2 comments
There is no friendship where you have feelings for her. Just leave her lol, you are in a friend-zone and u r comfortable with that. She is using u as an emotional resource. Now that she has a bf, of course she pays less attention to u.
You don’t ask for boundaries. You just kind of feel them out I guess. Sometimes you have to set them yourself. I have this coworker who’s husband became jealous of our friendship at some point. So I just stopped texting her outside work hours. He than became fine with me. But later she mentioned to him that we discussed going out for lunch at work (usually we have it delivered) and he said it would be weird. So she suggested not going or hiding it from him. That’s where I told her I would not feel comfortable if she had to hide something about me from him. Healthy relationships are also friendships. If she wants you in her life, she will find a place for you there. And you will just know where exactly you fit. If you invite her somewhere and she declines, you will know that is probably a boundary.