I’ve been seeing a younger guy for a few weeks now. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a partner. Emotionally available, sweet, caring, smart outgoing and so on…we like each other so so much.
We do have different lifestyles though. I don’t drink much, never taken any drugs, never smoked, I enjoy a good night out but I try to have a more balanced lifestyle and take care of myself (I’m in my early 30s).
He’s in his mid twenties and he drinks quite a lot, he smoke and confessed to have taken multiple drugs in the past, he’s also not very good with money apparently. All in general I feel like these might be differences due to the age gap (although I’ve always been kind of more balanced).
My friends said that I should enjoy the love and affection in the present, but a part of me can’t stop thinking about these huge differences and how they could affect a possible future relationship.
12 comments
if you’re ok with fwb, then pursue away. If you want a LTR – and things like party lifestyle and financial issues are dealbreakers for you – then don’t ignore these flags just because new connections are exciting. Maybe he’ll change when he’s older, maybe he won’t – it’s hard to say, but even if he does change, do you want to spend the next few years babysitting him?
Date the person you’re with, not the person you hope they’ll become in 5 years.
>drinks quite a lot, he smoke and confessed to have taken multiple drugs in the past, he’s also not very good with money apparently.
If this guy was exactly your age, would this be ok? Age isn’t a justification to ignore what you’re actually looking for in a partner.
If he’s into nights out drinking and doesn’t have good financial skills, is he *really* everything you’re looking for? Its possible that if you just want some fun, those things don’t matter! But if you’re wanting an LTR, then they do seem like pretty big incompatibilities…
Are you sure it’s not just infatuation with a younger hot guy?
He doesn’t sound caring and smart at all to me (and yes, I do party and have nothing against certain drugs, but smoking and being bad with money are signs of immaturity and low self-control to me).
I did this. I told myself that I admired how fun he could be and that it would be good for me. Turned into a total parent/child relationship pretty quickly, especially after he walked out of his job because they would not let him wear Hawaiian swim trunks on the job.
I sincerely hope it’s different for you, but I also think you have a lot of fine reasons to cut it short.
Um, lifestyle is pretty much the major (in)compatibility point in a couple’s life.
Nothing wrong with either lifestyle but unless you also did the same stuff back when you were is age that he is doing now, maybe this should just be some temporary fun thing? No judging the guy but it seems aside from the fun, you guys don’t have much in common, the age gap is not that big
I’m a 32 yo woman. Recently I briefly dated a 25 yo man. He had none of the troubling characteristics that you describe, and nor did I at 25. I don’t think this is an age thing.
I have to say, my brain can’t quite figure out the whole concept of “this person is everything I want in a partner” then immediately go into ways you have conflicting lifestyles. Sure, I want someone who is sweet and funny, but the sweetest, funniest woman in the world doesn’t mean anything if she wants to spend hours every week at a church, because that’s not me. She’s no longer anything close to “the ideal partner” despite the positive traits.
The total package is what counts in my head.
Lol. Having more lifestyle compatibility is a big reason why I usually date younger.
I DJ as a hobby and spend time in the nightlife scene, and my guess is that if you are not into that at all, there’s a chance you might not be able to tick this guy’s boxes in the medium to long term.
Still, crazier things happen all the time, and dating isn’t a high stakes activity, so why not just enjoy the moment and see where it goes? It’s only been a few weeks.
I would never be ok with a smoker. But if you can deal with that and a drinker go for it.