I (21F) just had to put my 9 month long relationship on hold. About a month ago, my boyfriend (22M) had broken up with me. It’s been so stressful, I can’t even remember the reason why. He came to some conclusion that he didn’t love me anymore, and he downloaded dating apps right after and erased all evidence of me from all of his social medias.
Naturally, this broke my heart. A little later, we got back together because he realized he was wrong and was just failing at communication. It then came out that he was watching porn before we broke up and there were multiple instances of him consuming pornographic/NSFW content through our relationship, which is breaking a MAJOR boundary for me. And he knew that, cause he said it was a boundary for him, too. We both agreed it was cheating. I ended my relationship with who I call my twin flame over this shit.
He lied to me time and time again, and hid the evidence. He projected so hard when he’d accuse me of cheating. And it was always painful because I proved to him all that I could that I wasn’t. And that I never would. And he was doing it the whole entire time. He even moved long distance for college and I expressed that this was a huge concern of mine and he reassured me that it would be fine.
Other than that, he is a super nice person. He’s very caring, very loving, and very sweet. He holds doors open for me. He helps me when I can’t do something. He’s helped me financially, which is a huge burden and I know that. I do my best to pay him back but I haven’t always been able to. He’s great with my daughter, and he’s sweet as pie.
But I cannot see that right now. I can tell you what I remember about him, but I swear it just doesn’t feel like that anymore. No matter how badly I want it to. He lied to my face, and he knew it was wrong because he deleted the evidence. I hate it but I can’t find it in me to move past that. It’s such a punch in the gut for me because I am very sensitive about my physical appearance and it just makes me feel like I’m not any kind of okay. I want to move past this and see it as a bump in the road but it just feels like I’m never going to get there.
TL;DR my boyfriend consumed adult content and lied about it, now I can’t see him the same
4 comments
He cheated, he lied, and he took it out on you that he was cheating. It’s okay to not move past that. Yes, he’s not all bad. I doubt anyone is. He has his good traits. But his bad traits are very bad.
Is it safe to assume you guys are sexually active and that’s frequent?
I ask that as if you out porn on the same level as cheating then he has to be coming to you to get those needs met.
But if you class porn as cheating I’m going to take a swing and say you are religious? Is this a no sex before marriage deal too?
I’m making a heap of guesses here but it sounds like you guys are having a hard time being compatible
Please get over yourself and his toxic behavior and dump him for good!!
If porn is a boundary for you, you are right to be mad that he did not respect your boundaries. But watching porn is not cheating.