Edit: If you changed your mind, what happened? I’d like to hear your stories and point of view. Nobody said this to me but I do see the stories on reddit often.

23 comments

  2. There could be a number of reasons why someone might say they don’t want to be in a relationship, but then proceed to enter one shortly afterwards. Maybe they changed their mind, or maybe they met someone that they really connected with and decided that a relationship was worth pursuing after all. Alternatively, it’s possible that the person was never really serious about not wanting a relationship in the first place and was just saying it for attention or to seem more desirable.

  3. I’d say they either met someone who changed their mind or they were lying to you to let you down gently

  5. Maybe they met someone as emotionally unavailable as they are and they enjoy the toxicity. Gulp. Down voting pending…

  6. When someone says “I am not ready to be in a relationship right now.” it is really a “polite” way of saying “I don’t want to be in a relationship with **you**”.

    Move on. Find someone else.

  9. They meant « no girl that I know of is worth the effort of getting in a relationship with »

  10. I didn’t wanna be in one. Someone else changed my mind til recently. She just seemed like a better fit n we had a thing goin on for a while before I met the other one. Felt natural committing to her when she brought it up. It felt wrong when the other one did.

  11. Not every person you date and sleep with will induce the same kind of emotions within you. Because everyone’s different. So it’s possible to be with one person today and feel moderately lukewarm about them and then POP….three weeks later you get together with someone else and they take your breath away. It’s non-scientific and can’t be measured or explained away.

    While the **it’s not you, it’s me** line is a cliché, it is nonetheless very applicable to some relationships. It has NOTHING to do with how cute, kind and good you are. I just don’t feel about you the way I feel now about this person.

  13. Well, there’s a difference between “not wanting to be in a relationship” and “not looking to be in a relationship”.

    I’m in the latter camp : I’m not looking or putting any effort into looking for someone but if someone that does appeal to me comes across and shows mutual interest, then I’ll consider it.

    But if it is someone that doesn’t interest me, I’ll just keep on trucking with life as it is.

  14. Because she deserved it.

    If she is a great partner and wife-material, we won’t let her go. Simple as.

  15. “I don’t want to be in a relationship. Ok, maybe just this one more time.. I can’t really remember why since the last time isn’t fresh in my mind and I only remember that I just don’t like them.”

    10 months later: “Yup… I definitely don’t like them… Now I remember all the reasons.”

  16. She was worth the risk of a relationship over letting her go. 10 years later I would say I made the right decision as we are still together. I had zero interest in a relationship until she came back into my life.

  18. Did you ask “do you want to be in a relationship” or “do you want to be in a relationship with me?” Have you used words to say you’re interested in him?

  19. Well, for starters, since I’m like…16 I guess (I think that was the first time I even thought about it really) I’ve always said I don’t want to be in a relationship because it’s simply not worth it (to me, obviously). I never got what the point even was, it always seemed like friendship but with added restrictions, basically a grown-up version of elementary school kids having a “best friend” and you can’t have another “best friend” at the same time, there can only ever be one.

    For clarification I gotta add, I obviously knew about sex and sex-related things as one defining difference to friendships, but that in my books never was worth the added hassle n stuff. Like, all the jealusy-shit, then also the arguments I noticed/heard of/witnessed from others in relationships when they’d make plans with their friends for the weekend and 3 days later their partner suggest doing X on the same day so they tell them they already made plans for that day and boom – big argument, preferrably with added “your friends are more important to you then me”-kinda stuff.

    Oh, and that’s also one thing, that… hierarchy/ranking in care/importance people suddenly make up when you are in a relationship. Like their is soem ranking that says #1 priority has to be your partner at all times and some even argue that if your partner doesn’t like a friend of yours you gotta end the friendship or some bs? Yeah, fuck yourself, I’m hetero and I got a best friend who is been my best friend since we met in kindergarden who also happens to be a woman – if my partner’d ever expect me to end my friendship/not meet her anymore, I’d have a serious word with my partner and depending on outcome, just end it. The relationship, that is. Which apparently would be a huuge issue for a signifikant portion of women out there.

    ​

    So now that we established the (main) rasons why I didn’t want to have a relationship, why did I get into one then? Well, two reasons.
    One, it just clicked (in terms of friendship) almost perfectly from the get-go, one important thing to me was that she’d just punch back (metaphorically) which is a super rare thing in my experience since most women when I’m making fun of them (and mind you, I’m making 10x the fun of myself all the time) often – even though they know I’m not at all being serious – prefer to play the “oh no, I’m so poor, you gotta comfort me now”-card (or are pissed that for one time, they are the target of the joke instead of everyone else I’m interacting with on at least a friendship-level) instead of retaliating like at all/ever. Which is ok, sooner or later I’ll just stop making fun of them then, but that also tells me we are not a combination that would work long term – after all, best case at some point I gotta spend most of my free time with them, even living in the same home and that’s gonna be just draining if I have to remind myself constantly to not make fun of them when I love to do just that. Nothing against them, just a simple observation that it wouldn’t work. So naturally, it was a welcome change that a girl actually DID retaliate instead of acting all hurt.
    And two… well, I’m curious as fuck? Like, I wanna try a million things, and while I always assumed it wouldn’t be worth it, at the same time I was like IF the opportunity presents itself and I got a feeling that maybe it could actually work given the circumstances and everything, I might try it. So when she confessed to me (per voice message thing), I considered trying. Came to the conclusion, I could actually see it work out well. And I really liked her, couldn’t tell if I liked her THAT way because it never happened before and everyone I’d ask how to tell would always be like “you’d know/if you have to ask, you are not into someone” so I figured since I couldn’t tell anyway, I’ll just give it a shot.

    Well, end of story, I’m back to “just not worth it”. Found out that, just as I suspected, sex and related stuff is not at all worth the added hassle, mainly becaus eit’s faaar less importnat to me then most people seemingly. And most other things I don’t have to be in a relationship for but could simply do them with friends as well. With the benefit that I get to have multiple friends, don’t have to rank their importance/priority and even get to have multiple female ones, all without them throwing a fit about it.
    Like, interacting with other women wouldn’t ever be a problem to my female friends. I also don’t have to worry about that stupidity called “attraction” usually – no way a female friend of mine would end a friendship due to “losing attraction” when opening up to them. And I’m positive, they’d not lie to me about important stuff, and also would talk to ME if I did something that bothered them instead of talking to their friends and expecting me to read their minds.

    TL;DR: Always assumed it’s just not “worth it” for me, too much hassle for too little to gain. But I’m also curious, so I tried it when the opportunity presented itself and I could actually see it work out with that girl. Came to the conclusion, I was correct all along, it’s simply not worth it to me as far as i can tell right now.

  23. Did he say, “I don’t want to be in a relationship ever with anybody?”

    Then he’s just a bad liar because nobody would believe that.

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