Yesterday I (21F) was hooking up with this guy (24M) that I have known for a month or two. We do this twice a week, but now it might change after this encounter.
We were having sex, and mid way through he pulls out and turns me over into doggy. Not a big deal, but then I feel him try to attempt anal. I tensed up and immediately pulled back and said “hey what the hell.” He looked confused. And I was like “why do you look like that, you were just about to do anal with me without even asking.” He shrugged it off and was like “I don’t know what the big deal is, I was just trying to spice things up”
I kicked him out of my place cause then I felt extremely unsafe.
I’m confused and angry, what is with people who just want to have random anal sex and not even ask for permission or even talk about it prior. Is this a new thing?
EDIT; For people commenting I should’ve spoken about my boundaries. I did prior to our sexual encounters and I had reminded him of the big ones, no anal being one of them. I want to add to this by saying even if boundaries aren’t spoken about, consent should always be given for new sexual acts that haven’t been done before. It’s ridiculous to think that just because you might’ve said “oh I’m into that” during a conversation automatically means you’ve given consent, you need ACTIVE PRESENT CONSENT. If you don’t get that and you think “I like being spontaneous” then you run the chance of something like this happening to you, where the mood is absolutely killed and you get kicked out and accused of trying to sexually assault a person.
EDIT 2; “I didn’t “justify” anything. EVERYONE is selfish. Everyone is out for only themselves. If you are jumping into a situation jist to hook up, that’s bound to happen, it happens all the time. Is it good? Fuck no it’s not. But that’s the price u pay. You are rolling dice when u just hook up u never know the outcome.” This is a direct quote from a PM I received btw. Guess the price you pay when you try to hookup with someone that you regularly see is spontaneous anal right? Even if you have spoken about boundaries. Not only that. But when you’re actively having sex with someone you should be asking for some sort of consent from them. Whether you like it or not, consent is needed. ^this person who messaged this, evidently doesn’t know what a healthy hookup relationship SHOULD look like. Be selfish on your own time. Don’t ruin someone’s life by violating them and trying to justify it by saying “it’s the price you pay because you’re in a hookup situation”
EDIT 3; for those saying consent ruins the spontaneity of sex, please go inform yourself about what consent is before trying to argue that. You should be getting active consent, they should be excited and fully into it, it’s not just about getting a yes or no, it’s about actually paying attention to your partner and being sure they’re okay with what you’re doing. Do you want everyone to have a good experience? Then Kindly inform yourself.
36 comments
No just an asshole thing.
He’s a fuckin idiot and has no clue if he thinks this is how you act and communicate. Cut him out of your life.
Yeah, definitely don’t sleep with him again.
Holy shit. Really took it to the next level with not understanding why you’re mad. That goes beyond a clueless dude just copying what he sees in porn and veers into “complete lack of empathy” territory.
Douche move. Cut him off.
Any new sexual act should be discussed with your partner before hand. What that asshole did was beyond wrong and i’m glad your kicking him out of your life.
Sounds like a dumbass, I love anal but I would never try that shit unless it was planned or she agreed to it
Just an idiot.
Seems to be a common theme atm. Saw a nurse post that they’re seeing an increasing number of young women come in with injuries in that area, so sad.
Yeah. Fuck that guy. Ask him if you can just turn him over and shove a dildo in his ass. That’s ridiculous to just assume that’s okay.
Thanks porn.
That guy sucks, if nothing else anal needs coordination.
Porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. Men hate that answer but it’s true.
Good on you for kicking him out! Literally every single woman I know has had this happen to them.
DOUCH BAG!
That’s sexual assault. Crazy to attempt anal without your consent. Even if there was consent, no preparation. Did he think that his dick would go in an asshole like a pussy? Idiotic, you would think he doesn’t have an asshole himself and doesn’t know how they work. IMAGINE trying to do that to a guy’s asshole. He would flip his shit. I’ve had a guy attempt anal before without my consent, thinking the condom had enough lube for it. WTF? He didn’t press me after I said no, but that was wrong itself
[deleted]
Only asshole guys do that.
All sex acts need consent.
Do guys not understand how much it hurts? You can’t just surprise someone with that. I blame porn.
You cant just “spice it up” with anal with NO PREP like wtf?? And like you cant just go back and forth, he strikes me as a dude who would go into anal and then back PIV without even wiping off.
This is fucking terrifying. I’m so sorry OP!
What man want to put his dick in an unclean asshole? I’m sure you probably keep it clean down there but there’s still a few inches inside that aren’t normally cleaned. That shit requires prep. Literally.
The men in these comments saying “Just that guy” are horribly out of touch with reality. This is SO fucking common. Almost EVERY SINGLE WOMAN has this sort of story and you want to say it’s just him, or just a one off? Be serious.
I’m so sorry you had that experience. I’m a woman who absolutely loves anal but i’ve had my fair share of men who randomly attempt without even asking. It’s so bizarre.
He doesn’t respect you.
That is not normal at all. Not one bit.
What’s a piv?
I see a lot of people calling out this is a trend from porn where the actors just do something without getting consent on camera. Am I the only one that realizes that porn like that is obviously scripted and the consent is something that’s already happened?
Who watches porn and just says “Yeah, that was totally spontaneous, she had no idea anal was coming. Some woman is really going to love that.”?
Are some people really that dumb?
Obviously there are, because this asshole just tried it. You already know not to talk to that idiot again.
Bad porn but it’s no fucking excuse.
I came into this thread expecting a misunderstanding, because the two are very close together and it is possible to hit the wrong one by accident. But he made it clear this was no accident and that is really fucked up. I’m so sorry. I definitely wouldn’t see him again, myself.
Anal can be an awesome and a fantastic bonding experience, but it takes trust, preparation, and lots of practice. It’s not something that you can just jump right into if you’ve never done it before. So even if you did want to have anal sex with this guy, what he did was not acceptable. The fact that you didn’t consent is just poisonous gravy on top. Don’t fuck this guy ever again and find you some partners who view you as an equal partner having sex. Trust me, it’s super easy for women to find good male fuck buddies.
Porn as sex-Ed. What could go wrong?
I’m happy you spoke up and please never talk to him again. Fuck that dude
If he thinks it’s no big deal then he can take a cucumber in his ass just to be sure.
I feel like the most common sex ed teacher now is porn. Porn isn’t real. Most Dad’s don’t actually talk to their their sons about sex anymore. Guys watch porn and expect that to be real life. Obviously if they saw some girl do it on the internet that means that it’s normal. It isn’t. I’m really sorry that happened to you. It is absolutely unacceptable.
Hate that guys are literally obsessed with it these days, they think every girl wants it and when we say no or I’m into that they look confused.
Fucking stupid people thinking everything is a fucking porno. Seriously, if you think this is how anal works FUCK YOU and your stupid ass.
Anal sex requires PREP! It’s the goddamn cargo hold for your stool. You need to take a shit, wash your ass (at the very *least*) and preferably do an enema or a douche, empty any excess water and shit, wash again, ideally you want to use lube and a finger or two while taking a warm shower to get yourself opened up and lubricated a bit beforehand. EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL AVOID POOP ENDING UP IN PLACES YOU DON’T WANT IT.
My dudes, please don’t be total douche bags about this. Save the douchebaggery for the actual douching of the ass. You can’t just withdraw from the main hole only to plunge deep into her ass.
If you try forcing anal without warning or prep or thorough communication, you are doing any and all of the following:
1. Risking transmission of STDs and fecal bacteria (think of it this way, you have a hole on the end of your cock…fecal bacteria can go in there!!)
2. Risk doing damage to your partner’s anus, or perforating the anal wall. You risk giving her a prolapsed anus if you’re particularly forceful, rough, fucking like a jackhammer, or just relatively large.
3. *Most importantly* Committing sexual assault. Yes. When you force your cock inside someone’s orifice without warning or consent, that’s rape, asshole.
4. Poop. Lots and lots of poop. There will be poop.
PLEASE be smart about anal sex, should you decide to do it at all. Yes, it can be fun and pleasurable, but more often than not it does not end in the ways you might think it would. Usually it just ends in poop.
Get a new partner. A better one who will openly discuss what you like and don’t like, and will adhere to that.
your edits are conserning that you even need to put those in. you are fully right to think this was not okay. going from PIV to anal is such a big leap, consent has to be there definitely the first time if not everytime. ESPECIALLY since you’re 21 and not alot of people that age have gotten to anal yet.