I’m 26 now and there’s something I’m feeling I should have done and still haven’t done. Which is to just go out when it’s Friday or Saturday and just let go and don’t give a fuck, just enjoy and not worry about stuff like Am I gonna get into fights? Am I gonna get into trouble of some sort? How dumb am I gonna look if I get properly wasted?
So far in my adult life I’ve just been really careful all the time, whenever I went out with friends for drinks and to clubs I was always really careful about how much I drank, and I never hooked up with any girl. I still haven’t had sex, I want to only do it in a romantic relationship, but there’s a part of me that feels like I should just sleep around with every attractive woman.
Would you say that choosing to just stick with sex within a relationship is the best way to go in terms of happiness? Or would you consider someone who didn’t first sleep around with loads of women and then settle down is a more ideal way to go about things? In combination with also once a week just letting go, but like really really letting go?
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It’s cool if you can control it, but you can get lost into it, for some people it becomes their whole life. But I do think it’s something everyone has to experience, just don’t get too drunk. I went partying for years every fucking weekend and just got into arguments with some dudes but never a physical fight.
I don’t think partying and sleeping around is or was ever an option for me. I work full time and pay my bills. I’m 23 and have been doing that since 18.
In a different universe maybe I’d party more but the one that was given to me includes no partying.
Do whatever makes you happy, not everyone does what you listed out, and I know a handful that have paid the price for not really taking sex, drugs, and alcohol with caution*
Do you feel like that kind of life is something you really want to do? Or is it that you’re not sure if you’re going about life in a ‘correct’ way. There’s no ‘correct’ way to live that will automatically make you happy, but if doing things that goes against your inhibitions is something you want to try then go for it. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be a good experience. I definitely think that you should still be cautious with alcohol, knowing your limit shows your maturity and can be attractive to people. And know the dangers of sleeping with random people if you do choose to do that.
It’s fun to do like once. Definitely not every weekend lol.
As someone who’s done all that stuff. Don’t bother with it.
Ten years later I’m ashamed of the way I acted then and wish I spent that time working on life goals, cultivating real friendships, and hobbies.
You do you but you’re not missing out on anything honestly.
My honest and unpopular opinion:
No, you’re not missing out on a rite of passage by filling your body with harmful substances or having casual relationships with others. There’s lots of things to consider: your health, your self-esteem, your safety, your sense of self.
Take the time to read good books; meet interesting and wise people; listen deeply to what others have to say; travel; learn some skills that will carry you the rest of your life.
You can have fun even if you’re not getting trashed, high, etc.
Partying is considered normal by today’s standards, but you’re more likely to regret that lifestyle than you would be not doing it.
Do you WANT to do it, or you just feel that you’re expected to?
I did all of it, for as long as it took me to learn that it wasn’t worth it. It’s fun the first few times, you feel Young, wild, and free… but there’s no fulfillment in it
I think it is way cooler when people do their own passion instead. Be an adventurer, a traveller, a musician, anything else and use those awesome years in your twenties to truly branch out. It gets harder to do so later in life if you tie yourself down to commitments.
I did that from ages 18 – 22, got a bit more serious about life and got in shape, got a degree, got a good job, built a “respectable life”.
I’m 27 now and all I want to do is go back to partying and fucking.
just be happy you have either as a choice ahem some people cant have either of those options :3
Been there done that. Years later i realized that the sex was never really good but the idea of it was exciting. I wouldn’t necessarily hold out for love but hook up sex is not very fulfilling especially under the influence.
F_CK NO.
It gets old very, very fast.
It’s not worth it. Very risky for women to have casual sex, especially mixed with alcohol. And the sex is terrible. I’ve only had good sex in relationships.
If you’re female, you’re only missing out on flirtation and foreplay, the actual sex is the worst.
If you’re male, yeah, probably missing out.
Always always travel with your condoms and get tested regularly
Don’t be like Dick not pulling out and have a breeding fetish because if the condom accidentally tears you’re gonna be a father or who knows what would happen
Just be careful out there
As someone who has upwards of 70 bodies, it was fun for a time but it became extremely exhausting and actually very depressing after a bit. I filled my depression with sexual pleasures, using it to cope with deeper issues I had. I realized what I truly wanted was to have someone love me for me, and I slept with girls thinking they would provide it. Hookups are shallow and leave you unfulfilled.
Now I look for genuine connection with someone because that brings me true joy. I even tell girls I don’t do hookups and won’t sleep with anyone for atleast a month. I want real intimacy, not alcohol fueled lust
edit: I’m just speaking for myself, but my point is that I thought hookups would bring my happiness, but they never did
I’m going to be completely honest as a woman, I don’t think it really matters.
Many people do go out and party and sleep around and find fulfilling relationships. Many people also only want intimacy with a partner and find fulfilling relationships.
Ultimately I would say what is most important is doing what you’re comfortable with. If you value intimacy in a way that you only want it to happen in a committed romantic relationship that is likely what you should seek.
As someone who has maybe over done things , I lived and it was fun I sometimes wish I had less responsibility to do it again once in a while(but just like once a year maybe). You don’t have to get absolutely wasted if you don’t want too , but worrying about it is silly too, most people have been there and won’t judge. It sounds like you are curious and maybe want to try? Nothings stopping you it seems , and I doubt you can screw around or embarrass yourself more than the rest of humanity at this point. As others have said there’s no one way to live life. So if your truly happy living how you are why change now. The only times I regret enough to look dwell on are when I held back for fear of judgment.
It’s really not. I mean, I guess some people find that life fulfilling but I’m a quieter type. I like quality time with smaller groups of close friends rather than large groups with people I don’t know.
As for casual sex, I just never understood the appeal. Waking up next to someone I don’t know just doesn’t sound comforting.
Everyone has their own preferences. So I can’t answer for you. But from my perspective, you wouldn’t be missing a thinf
You’re thinking in extremes, as though you can’t just *try* these things to see if you like them without it fundamentally changing something about you. Let loose on the next weekend you feel like it (within safe limits), maybe go out and try to meet someone who’s also looking for casual, respectful fun. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. If you like it, you can do it again as long as it doesn’t start making problems in other more important parts of your life. Some people enjoy that kind of entertainment, some people don’t.
It’s fun in the moment I guess but looking back on it you don’t come out unscathed.
I spent so much time thinking I wanted it…but I only wanted it because I felt I should want it! Now that I’ve accepted I’m not that person, I’m so much happier with my decisions.
I come from a place where if I did random hookups or “crazy” nights, the guilt and shame would overwhelm me because that is all I would think about. Others are not this way and just have fun, no regrets. My anxiety would destroy me. So…Netflix and burritos and FaceTimes with friends are my weekends. And I love every second because I don’t have to be destroyed by unwanted emotions!
It’s fun to do once in a while but you ruin your health doing that every weekend
I don’t think there is an ideal way to go about things. You live. You love. You make mistakes. You find out what you like and don’t like. One thing I would personally say is I used to have a fear of missing out because of the culture and peer pressure but personally it was not worth it.
I think the best thing to do is do what you’re drawn to do, not what you think you should do. When we do these things it’s typically unconscious, conditioned, and influenced behavior. But when we force ourselves to do what we think we *should* do, we become inauthentic.
If you feel drawn to let loose, try it out. But if you go about it in a forceful way it’ll probably come off as weird and not go as planned.
Im 26M. Have been with the same partner for almost 5 years next month. She does not drink, I do and casually go out. I used to go out way more, known many people who hooked up a lot and for some reason people tend to confide in me sometimes, all of the people that used to hook up a lot and talked to me about it said it left them feeling empty and used, especially women. Do not do it every weekend, maybe do it once or twice, but you are definetly not missing out on anythint vital. Or just do not do it at all, people are crazy as hell now days.
Do you want to do it for bragging rights? To tell stories to others who might not give a fuck? Or does it fulfill you as a whole? IMO. Pursue things that make you happy and look forward to doing? A hobbie or sport.
Nothing good comes from mixing alcohol and bodily fluids with others anyway.
A lot of those people are trying to fill holes in their lives and that’s the easiest escape route
never did it because it always sounded boring and kinda depressing to me. it just made more sense to pursue a meaningful relationship instead
Balance in all things. Going out all the time and partying and having random fights and hookups isn’t really healthy. Staying in all the time isn’t healthy. At 26, I would recommend finding a solid group of friends you feel comfortable going out with and enjoy the night life from time to time. Try to avoid getting in fights or drinking so much you’re throwing up. And as far as sex, I wouldn’t worry about hookups and one night stands. Meet someone you feel safe with and trust. Sex doesn’t have to be romantic, but you’ll have a better time with someone you know and trust.
How about first, stop overthinking everything. Buy condoms. Don’t get so drunk that you forget to USE the condoms. Don’t “ let go” so much that you get an STI. Educate yourself on STIs, and prevention of unwanted pregnancy. Play safely and use condoms. I made it all the way through the 1980’s to present without any STIs because of correct and consistent condom use along with the Pill. Be careful.And, don’t overdo it for fuck’s sake as in do not try addictive drugs.
No, it’s mid.
>I still haven’t had sex
…
>I should just sleep around with every attractive woman.
Yea bro, it’s THAT easy.
I’ve been sitting around and eating pizza and beer for the last 26 years, but I’m feeling like running a Triathlon this afternoon.
There is a middle ground!
I did it every weekend my entire 20s. I don’t regret it.
If you aren’t going to do it, make sure you do something else with the time, like save as much money as possible, put all your savings every week in the S&P 500.
I don’t regret partying my entire 20s, but if I saved all the money I spent in the S&P instead, I wouldn’t regret that either.
It really depends on you. I’ve done both; monogamous, long term relationship and polygamy, party life. I’m still doing the latter and I’m so much happier than I ever was in that relationship.
But (big but!) – it can be draining if you don’t watch out for yourself. I love to cite this guy from a techno documentary from the 90‘s, „you have to be a pro and partying AND living“. Having hook ups, spending the nights away, drinking/taking drugs, it all takes its toll. You need weekends where you do nothing. Also randomly hooking up CAN be fun, but I’d rather have casual long term partners. The sex is better, you don’t have to worry about STDs as much, and you can still go out together and fuck on the toilet if that’s your thing.
Also, if you get wasted, sex often isn’t an option anymore at some point. No one wants to hook up with someone who’s blackout drunk. Coke and other drugs are the biggest cock blockers ever – because it literally won’t work anymore in most cases. And it might be fun in the moment, but forgetting the great time you had and living with the hangover the day after is a pretty bad deal. I like to not overdo it, get a buzz, but still be comprehensive enough to handle my shit if needed.
You don’t have to do 100, you can do 50 and still have a great time. Not everything that sounds like a great idea in our heads actually is.
And it kinda sounds you see that lifestyle as something you have to have done before starting a family? You don’t. You do what you want. Hell, you don’t even have to start a family. You don’t have to prove anything, if you’re happy dating and living a monogamous life that’s great. But if you’re happy sleeping around partying, that’s also great.
Very few people can go out on a random night and have someone in their bed by the end of it. For some people it is a reality but for most people it is just a fantasy.
For those people it does work but are you missing out on something? Hard to say. I’d say you should just focus on finding someone you can have “meaningful” intimacy with as it doesn’t look like getting laid with some random every weekend will make you happy.
That being said even people who sleep with randos don’t actually seem to discard each other. Unless you’re totally out of your wits even those people need to form some sort of bond to get anything out of the experience.
I was never a partier even in my 20’s. Now looking back I don’t feel like I missed anything; clubs and bars just weren’t my scene. I have great friends from my 20’s over 10 years later. The kind of things we would do is movie nights, games, fire pits, trying new restaurants or recipes, maybe the odd pub quiz or karaoke night. I didn’t miss anything by not partying. Everyone has their own idea of what makes a good time. You do you.
Before grad school I took a year off and REALLY partied. Didn’t give a shit, drank irresponsibly, managed to hook up with a lot of hot women, etc.
(I was timid and had a similar story to yours before then. Somehow it changed when I felt like I had nothing to lose.)
It was fun but chasing highs all the time won’t satisfy you spiritually. Hangovers suck. Post-nut clarity and regret sucks. You can try to be more easy-going and relaxed but be sure you’re not missing out on anything. Doing all that doesn’t solve your problems and doesn’t make you any happier. You need to find a higher purpose, I think. Respectfully.
My friend, you are doing *you* right. Don’t worry. Being careful, *especially* about drinking, is HIGHLY admirable! And very wise. Alcohol is literally one of the worst drugs.
“*Moderation in all things, including moderation.”* — but you can only know what moderation is once you know what the *edges* are. It’s important to experiment & try new things. Push your own boundaries, a bit at a time, the results can be scary, sometimes regretful, but sometimes wonderful! Don’t be afraid to take a bit of a risk.
That said, don’t bother getting into fights. That’s not really worth it.
Between 26 and 48 you have *lots* of years to ‘mess around’ if you’re drawn that way. Your thirties are an amazing time of capability, freedom, & opportunities. Whatever the particular ‘frame’ you inhabit when you get there. Don’t worry! Your life will unfold correctly.
“Happiness” is a result of accepting the moment you are in. Accepting all details of the current moment as true, and trying to not ‘desire’ something different. It’s not easy, but letting go of attachment to ‘ideal’ ‘ideas’ is a way out of suffering, and can allow happiness. It’s not a destination, it’s a process.
I have only had sexual relations within relationships where I feel connected. There can be many forms of connection, and to each their own. But randomly shagging without feeling is pretty hollow, in my opinion. I guess it works for some, but not me. Romance is one form of feeling, and there can be many forms of connection between people that also involve sex. It’s also very possible to hook up and just kiss & touch each other in thoughtful, careful, beautiful ways, without having sex. So don’t limit ideas of physical contact to just ‘sex’, there’s a *whole galaxy* of physical & emotional possibilities! And everybody finds their own particular stars to connect with.
Fundamentally, *there is no ideal*. There is only your path. The way you travel, based on your knowledge, and experience, and experimentation.
Ultimately, we *all* experience humbling events and do humbling things. That’s just part of being human. Being humbled by doing something you regret in hindsight allows us to get over our egos. It’s literally impossible to live a life without regrets.
You’re human. Like the rest of us. There is no “perfection”, except the perfection of every moment.
Live for the moment! Trust your gut
I did it, it was super fun. I also traveled, read books, developed skills, appreciated art, created things, built strong relationships, and achieved financial independence. Contrary to some of the pretentious comments in this thread, it’s not one or the other. It’s not reckless partying dudebro or responsible deep thinker. You have the capacity to be both.
Also I don’t regret my promiscuous days, I wasn’t having casual sex to fill some hole in my soul, and I was able to party without becoming pregnant or addicted to drugs. It’s not like you have a one night stand and instantly you’re a shell of a human being; smart, capable, successful people like having sex and getting high too.
The sex itself usually sucked though. Mostly because men tend to behave incredibly selfishly during a ONS. That’s what eventually got me to lose interest.
We’re the same age and I never was into the partying and casual sex lifestyle. It all seems pointless to me but at a certain point I know what you mean because I’ve been there too. But I started seeing this girl I met on tinder and just made it clear that I wanted a real relationship and she agreed and then when we did sleep together for the first time it was an incredible moment I think about all the time and I’m glad I waited for someone I actually find attractive on a physical and emotional level.
It’ll happen too you one day. You do have to put yourself out there and as a real deal introvert it sucks but it’ll be for the better if your goal is to have a good relationship
I want to go all out at least once, just to try, but unfortunately all my friends who I occasionally do something with are all doing nothing and drink like 1 beer. And yeah, I’m definitely not doing it alone
It seems that you are dealing with a case of FOMO. It may be of great worth for you to try to figure out and write down your values/core beliefs. There are many YouTube videos and guides to help with that. Also as someone who usually has stuck with playing things safe, it may be worth it to break out of your comfort zone and try it once. Seek out the opportunity and give it a chance. You can learn a lot from occasional “stupidity” as long as you stay mindful. Taking risks is how we learn.
Excessive partying and casual sex – is a portal through which demons enter. Be very careful.
I personally, do not. recommend.
Almost every time I tried the casual sex thing I ended up a boyfriend. I think you either are the type of person that has one night stands or you aren’t. Sex in a relationship is better if you value intimacy imo
It can be really fun in small doses, especially when you’re in your teens and twenties, but the novelty quickly wears off. Casual sex can also teach you what you like and dislike, since every experience can be very different. I don’t regret going through phases of promiscuity, but I also feel like it’s an unfulfilling way to live for long periods.