My (38m) seperated wife (35f) of 18 years who claims she currently hates me and needs time to consider reconciliation as she don’t know if she wants to continue our relationship pulled a complete shocker on me. Since seperation any type of emotional or compassion type words/actions are not said. It stays very neutral while we still live in the same house together with each other and our kids. Before she left for work yesterday morning she all of a sudden seemed different in body language and nervous and blurted out very faster than her normal rate of speech and tone, ” we’ll I gotta get going, bye, love you.” This made my jaw drop as I looked at her in shock. She stood there a second with what looked like a happy toned grin and then said, ” I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” And headed to the front door in a very speedy walk. As she reached the front door and began opening it she looked back briefly at me with that same grin and quickly headed off to work for her 3 day shift. She never been the type to say anything she don’t mean nor has she been typically the one to say I love you first. She is still texting me from work as she has time making small talk about work and little things. She also sent me a picture of her sweatpants glowing from the blacklights at her company event for their residents. I told her that until SHE is ready to talk about us or reconciliation I would not bring it up at all, and don’t plan on it even after this as to not make her angry again by talking about it. I feel she planned it all out and blurted it out so fast as she was trying to have the courage to say it right before she walked out the door. I also believe her saying sorry I didn’t mean to say that was also planned to say to make it clear she did love me but to also look like an accident, which as I said she doesn’t say things she don’t mean, never noticed her do it anytime before I can think of and she gives 2 craps about anyone’s thoughts or feelings and is typically brutally honest. What is your opinion? Is it common for someone to say something like this and say they didn’t mean it just to make it look like an accident? I have been the one to say it to her first 95% of the time over 18 years.
TLDR; my seperated wife blurted out love you as she was leaving for work for 3 days and seemed nervous and her body language was different and said sorry I didn’t mean to say that and looked back as she was going out the door at me and I think she meant to say it and it was planned.
3 comments
Shortly after getting married I ended a heated call with a customer with “I Love You”. I did not in fact love the customer. Some times wires get crossed in the brain and you say something. I’ve changed companies been a decade now and I still sometimes have to stop myself from saying the closing script from the prior company.
There is no way for anyone on the internet to tell you what she was thinking in that moment. Only she can. But don’t overthink it and get your hopes up.
In can be an accident _and_ also true. Sometimes you’re supposed by your subconscious. If she’s grinning, either way she’s not displeased.
Keep doing what’s working, and maybe do a bit extra. Fancy meals, flowers in the house. Don’t go for romantic yet, just do it casually in a, ‘I appreciate what you do way.
Good luck.
I’m wondering if your assumptions of her thoughts, intentions, and feelings have something to do with her moving on from you?