Long read
My very good friend of 4 years who I speak to and she would speak to
me every day suddenly stopped talking to me a about 5 months ago.
She does message me here and there but it’s only if she needs something.
I’m getting used vibes from her and she was never like this before.
The last few times she reached out was-
– She asked if I’m selling a piece of professional equipment I own which she would like to buy.
-if I can run to the shops for her and buy Panadol for her 5 year old who had a fever because she couldn’t get to the shops.
– if I wanted to keep her company while she packed up her stuff from her old house to move to another (she ended up using my car as a second storage carrier for her stuff)
And there’s been some other things that are weird to explain on here.
Around the time she stopped talking to me our lives changed drastically.
– I got married 9 months ago and fell pregnant 6 months ago.
-she suffered loss of her pregnancy and infant when she was 24 weeks pregnant two years ago.
She left her husband 4 months ago.
She’s been through a lot and I’ve been by her side.
I also don’t expect someone to be socially available during such intense times of their life and wonder if my pregnancy was also hard for her .
But if you’re not going to talk to me then why use me and why have such a normal social life with your other friends if your going through a lot … clearly it’s not all because life’s hard.
It feels more personal.
I did ask her a while ago if my pregnancy is something that is hard for her to here because I won’t talk about it infront if her otherwise and she said no she doesn’t feel bothered by my pregnancy at all.
The last two times I saw her she Acted super disrespectful towards me.
First problem- she offered me a tea and she got a dirty mug with old coffee that had been on a bench with other dirty dishes for god knows how long.
She poured the old coffee in the sink and rinsed the cup under water for 2 seconds to remove the excess coffee. Didn’t wash it and poured my tea in their and gave it to me.
I asked her if she washed it (just to see what she would say) and she said no…? And I said sorry but I can’t drink from that especially being pregnant .
And she got annoyed at me and said why didn’t you tell me before I made it? I said I didn’t know if you were making it for me or yourself? And then laughed and said I’m paranoid of germs… clearly she was wrong and dirty for this.
The other thing that happened:
She came over to my house and slept over night because she was having issues with her husband.
When I went to bed she was using my back door through my garage to go out for a smoke (not my regular back door) and when she left the next day she left it wide open and unlocked and left heaps of smashed cigarettes on my floor for me to clean up.
I never use that door and park in my garage so I didn’t know she even used it and I had gone out for an entire day with my back door unlocked and I live on the side of a lane way which is super dangerous if someone looked over my fence they would be able to see.
When I brought it up to her instead of apologising she the right thing she said (sorry I know that stuff makes you paranoid)
…. Like ummm anyone would hate it their back door was unlocked and wide open?
Anyway.
I’m sure you can gather she’s been a shit friend.
I don’t even want her back in my life but I’m curious to know what’s happened to make her like this towards me.
There’s been a huge shift and it’s not even about her being distant.. it’s about her being really weird while she is in contact with me.
I guess my question is:
Is it silly for me as a 31 year old to reach out to this person to ask why theirs been a shift in our friend ship?
Or should I ignore it and move on ?
I guess I’m just really curious as I’ve done nothing wrong.
3 comments
Hey there. Sounds like, she is quiet important to you. What speaks against clear communication? Of course! Go ahead and ask her. This shouldn’t have to do with age. What do you think is the major reason, that holds you back from asking her, out of all the things, you have listed?
From my personal experience and from the stories I remember my mom telling me, even if you ask, you will never get a straight answer.
My mom told me a couple of stories of people who out of the blue, completely uncalled for, changed their behavior, and burned the bridge of friendship and whatnot. She told me they met up years later at a get together thrown by mutual friends. At that point, there were no hard feelings, the whole thing didn’t even matter at that point, she was just curios as to what happened and was hoping that, since at that point they were well grown up, she could get an answer to the mystery. Well she told me they just continued on with bullshit excuses like they did the years prior lol.
I had similar experiences, although I myself have been the person who just changed relations completely with someone and I would be so happy to explain to them why it happened that way and that I feel shitty about it. So, it really depends, sounds like the person you are describing is extremely petty though. As a curious person myself, I would ask and just keep expectations extremely low. I would also consider asking because you mentioned that you don’t really have a desire to even really know with that person anymore, so it can’t be embarrassing cause fuck them (sorry, that coffee mug story pissed me off haha).
Her psyche is battered from the pregnancy problems and marriage break-up, and she’s taking it out on you.
You don’t even need to ask this question, just decide if you want to keep the friendship going forward. Things probably won’t change unless her life takes a major turn for the better.
Given that she basically only wants you for favors, I don’t know that I’d be very anxious to resume this friendship. Maybe wait until she’s in a healthier place.