I (21f) have been with my boyfriend (23m) for 1.5 years. We’ve recently opened up more about our sexuality and what goes through our head on a daily basis when it comes to sex.
I would say I am the less attractive partner between the two of us. He gets far more attention than I do and knows it.
While we were talking, he mentioned that his past hookups were hot, but his ex girlfriend was ugly. He said that he wanted to “give her a chance”. I couldn’t help but wonder if the same situation was happening here, so I kept asking more questions.
He ended up sharing that early on in our relationship, he would think about a particular past hookup while we were having sex. This surprised me because in my experience, early in relationships is when sex is the most exciting and this new person is the most attractive thing at the moment. That’s certainly how I felt. I remembered that he used ask me to face away from him so he could finish and he confirmed that he was doing that so he could think about her.
I also asked him what goes through his mind when he sees other attractive people. I explained that for me, I normally see an attractive person, acknowledge they are attractive but not the love of my life, and move on with my day, but I had a feeling that men are different. He told me he sees an attractive person and thinks about how “uncomplicated” having sex with them would be. This hurt me quite a bit because I took this as the attractive people he sees are one, more attractive than me, and two, they are NOT me, which sounds like it is a bonus to him.
Am I being too sensitive about this? I really want to feel like the most beautiful girl in the world to him but I’m not sure if that’s too much to ask. I know I’m definitely not the most beautiful to him, I’m not even the most beautiful girl he’s been with. I feel as though he is the most attractive person to me simply because it’s him and I’m in love with him. Is it unfair of me to expect him to feel the same?
TL;dr: boyfriend seems to be less attracted to me than I am to him and I’m wondering whether that means this relationship isn’t right or if I just need to grow a thicker skin.
3 comments
>Am I being too sensitive about this?
No. I don’t think so. While I know I’m not the hottest person on the planet, I know my partner is attracted to me and if he told me to turn my face away from him make it easier to think about someone else to nut, it would be the last time I would give him the privilege.
It’s like he’s using you as a living flesh light and my guess is that he hooks up with hot people and has “relationships” with “less” hot people so he’s not insecure about having to compete with other men.
Pretty sad. No man is worth your self esteem.
Ditch him already
M28 here that sounds terrible
You’re not worrying enough, it’s not for you
He’s literally asking you to turn around so he can nut, how fucked is that? You’re not being insecure, don’t let him gaslight you into believing otherwise, and you deserve better
Unless you’re looking at this casually and he’s an amazing lay but this is not a healthy relationship
Well now we know why his girlfriends were all ugly but his hookups were hot. It’s because anyone who loves themselves would run as soon as they find out what’s underneath his beauty. Don’t let the perceptions that he is out of your league cloud the fact that your relationship sucks.