I (27m) have been married to my wife (26f) for 3 years. We’ve been together for longer, about 6 years.
My wife and I were never in the best of shape, but lately after the marriage we’ve both let ourselves go. As of about 6 months ago we were both well overweight worse than ever and having a hard time doing anything about it.
Well about 6 months ago we decided to make a big change in our lives. I decided I’d start dieting and my wife refused but said she wanted a personal trainer instead. This was excellent as it was what we both needed.
For the last 6 months I’ve been doing really well with my eating with a few hiccups but I’ve lost 20 pounds. My wife on the other hand has given up completely. She canceled all the personal trainer sessions I paid for, quit going to the gym, and returned to her old habits of treating herself with bag full of candy/sweets on a regular basis.
Don’t get me wrong, my wife was never perfect nor did she have a body that society would consider “sexy”, but I did. Despite all her little imperfections I found her incredibly hot and our sex life was just fine. I’m not sure if this was just perceptions or if I genuinely noticed a change, but when she was going to her sessions I found her body even more attractive.
There was never any big issues with sex in our relationship. In fact the only issue I ever had was I had a higher libido than her. We haven’t had sex in two months, and no matter how in the mood I am I’m just not interested in her right now. Even if I’m feeling it sometime throughout the day she will remind me of her weight issues as she often does by either complaining about her health issues related to her weight, or wishing aloud that she would lose her belly. Whenever she does this I’m instantly turned off.
I feel stuck. I refuse to tell her outright to go back to the gym or stop eating so unhealthy, but at the same time this issue is having a negative effect on our relationship but I feel helpless to do anything about it.
3 comments
It sounds like it’s less her weight that’s the issue and more that she quit on trying that maybe has you just not feeling it. Even for men, sex can be a mental thing especially as you age.
I think your best bet is to try and have a chat with her. Maybe float some ideas like evening walks or something to get you both moving together. If none of that works then involving a counselor might be helpful.
It makes sense. You two committed to doing something. It sounds like you did and she didn’t. Now she complains about it constantly, but still won’t do anything. It’s lack of ambition and the weight is just a reminder of that for you. I think you should talk to her but go at it from that angle. Focusing on the weight will just discourage her because she probably already feels like she can’t do it. Just focus on doing SOMETHING. Once someone starts doing something, they often can then start doing more things and so on.