My girl once asked me if I like going down on women and wanted me to be honest, so I told her that I don’t. But I don’t mind going down as a sign of reciprocation. So a couple of weeks after she asked me this question, we had sex. After she went down on me, I asked her, “want me to go down on you?” And she said no. She just wanted me to finger her and fuck her. That’s how it has been for a while now. She won’t even let me look at her pussy. And now I kinda feel bad cuz I might have made her feel insecure about her body. And I know for a fact that it’s not cuz she doesn’t like getting licked down her cuz during the nascent phase of our relationship, whenever we would sext, she would tell me that she wanted to sit on my face. And I would just say, “okay.” I guess that’s why she wanted to know if I really enjoyed it. Well, I don’t. But I also don’t wanna make her feel bad about it. Also I kinda feel bad that she loves going down on me and I don’t. So whenever I try to reciprocate, she just closes her legs and tells me no. And yes, I have told her that it’s not just her. There’s nothing wrong with her vagina or body, it’s with every vagina for me.
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Tell her what you told us.
I wouldn’t want anyone going down on me just out of obligation either. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.
My wife for years never wanted me to perform oral (catholic guilt, etc) but eventually relented because I was so eager … and now orders me down there. My guess is that many women are already self-conscious about having oral performed on them, and the single biggest thing that will help them relax and enjoy is knowing that the guy REALLY wants to be doing it. With your prior comment that is unlikely to ever be the case.
Maybe you will learn from this, that what you say have consequences
Well the cats out of the bag…. I know it’s not your fault and you can’t help it, but imagine if your long time partner said she didn’t enjoy blowjobs (or something that you really enjoy) and just did it for you. You’d be haunted by it and would start to feel bad and guilty every time… eventually you’d probably break up because you weren’t getting something that you really needed in your sex life.
It’s also the fact that you can often feel if a partner isn’t enjoying it, the enthusiasm tends to do a lot of the work. I used to think I didn’t really like receiving oral for a while, because it didn’t really do much for me and I felt guilty that my partners were trying so hard to reciprocate my (allegedly) good skills at giving head, but I just felt like it was OK, but never really blew my mind. Then I met a guy who actually loved giving head and boy, did it turn out to be fantastic.
What I’m saying is – if you’re forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy, you probably won’t be very good at it anyway, and you and your gf will both end up frustrated. It is what it is, you don’t like it, that’s fine. I’m sure she can live without getting head if there are other things you both enjoy.
Action, meet, Consequence.
I wouldn’t either and have done the same. Enthusiasm is everything, knowing a guy LOVES to eat pussy is such a game changer especially since so many girls are insecure about it. I’d rather someone didn’t bother then force themselves as I just wouldn’t enjoy it at all.
There is a life skill that is kind of hard to learn, and it’s knowing how to take a gift of affection. I think that is why oral gets weird for a lot of people. Few people genuinely enjoy giving it, and yet the knowledge of that fact isn’t enjoyable to the person receiving. It places a burden on both the giver and the recipient, yet for some reason the natural solution seems to be burning bridges and locking that gate.
Long story short, the path to overcoming this obstacle is maturity, patience and communication. You are willing to work past something you aren’t totally comfortable with, so unless she is too she doesn’t get what she wants. That’s not on you. If she is refusing it though, I would stop trying to do it for now. This is a conversation, not an action, that needs to happen when you aren’t having sex.
It’s not always about what you like, it’s about what you want; and it sounds like you want to try.
Why would she let you do something that she’s absolutely not going to be able to enjoy and is just going to feel anxious about the entire time? I don’t blame her at all and would do the same thing in her situation (though I would also leave the relationship, because that attitude would signal that we are sexually incompatible).
id suggest that you maybe explain to her why you don’t like it, so she understands it isn’t about her or her body, but just a preference. this might help the situation (depending on the reason why you don’t enjoy giving oral) as it’ll at least make it easier for her to rationalise that it isn’t about her.
that being said, as someone who enjoys recurving and who’s bf loves giving, if i was told by him he didn’t like oral, id do the same as her. it’s only fun when the giver likes giving. imagine an unenthusiastic bj
She wants to be wanted and for her partner to want to please her, not solely doing it because of tit-for-tat.
So knowing you dislike the taste and smell of her pussy and were only doing it as currency or obligation is probably a huge turn off.
Like ***maybe*** if you had wanted to do it because you wanted her to feel good and get something she enjoyed, that might have been salvageable.
Nobody enjoys obligatory sex and that’s what I hear when you say, “I don’t mind it as a *show* of reciprocation”
You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do. It sounds like she’s ok with not getting head since she’s not complaining.
I wouldn’t be able to get pleasure from it if I knew the other person is just powering through. I’d rather not.