How do I lose interest in someone you’re interested in?
Some context, there is a person I like but they do not reciprocate so I have come to the conclusion that it would be better to move on. However I’ve been unable to do so because I still see them somewhat regularly and can’t help but feel lonely because of what could have been and I hate this place where I am now. Attempts to move closer have failed. Attempts to isolate and close myself from them have also failed. I wish I could just stop thinking about this all the time and forget everything. I even want to think it would be better if I had never met them in the first place because then I wouldn’t have created all these fantasies in my head. To really respect their decision though, I think I have to forget and just move on but I don’t know how. I thought that it’s probably better to just give it some time and then I’ll loose interest in them but this hasn’t happened (yet). Hence this post. Thanks in advance.
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I have the exact same problem ongoing for 9 months +. Driving me crazy. But this recent work trip of 3 weeks long took me away from her and has been helping. Met a new friend on this trip and has been taking my attention off of her.
Like you said, it’s going to take time.
What you do until you get there (the day you hopefully forget about the person) matters a lot.
You have to try and get out of your head with hobbies, friends, work, etc. Go out and try to meet someone new. Do overtime at work so you go home too tired to thing about much of anything else. Go back to some hobbies and try to finish projects.
Godspeed.
Sleep
I think the key is in the way it sounds like you want to “get rid of” your feelings.
I think the only way to move on is to really understand and feel your feelings; easier said than done obviously… I’m sorry that it hurts and I hope it eases soon!
Find one thing in their character or their appearance, that you dislike, or can dislike. And focus on that one thing. Focus on the negative.
Just treat them the same way you treat everyone. And don’t keep hope from them. If you follow this step then you will know how ordinary a person is.
Same here.
This worked for me when I was in a similar situation.
Find little things to hate about them, especially the way they treat you. For me it was how the person used me, was always busy to talk when I needed them, the narcissistic laugh, the holier-than-thou attitude, sharing only her sad moments and none of her good moments with me, constantly giving me mixed signals and later claiming they weren’t flirting and so on. Soon you’ll hate that person so much you’ll feel stupid you had any feelings for them at all. Build up hate for them, BUT NEVER EVER ACT ON IT. Do not let this hate cause harm to them, or cross their boundaries in any manner. KEEP THIS HATE TO YOURSELF AND WITHIN YOURSELF.
Slowly you’ll stop caring about them (in a good way). And one fine day, while going to bed at night, you’ll realise you haven’t thought of them all day. Time is ultimately the best healer, but this hate trick might accelerate the process. But proceed with caution, do not let your hate affect them in any way. Have control over it.
Over time, you’ll probably grow out of this hate too, because again, time heals all wounds.
I’m saying this because this worked for me, I don’t know how well it’ll work out for you.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, I’m sure it’s got to hurt and I’m sorry. My advice is below and sorry to be be harsh, I hope it’ll help you snap out of it.
This is definitely magical thinking. You’re longing for something that is your vision of how things *could have been*, in other words, it doesn’t exist. It’s the idealized, not real life version.
What will snap you out of this is not a social skill, but a mental one.
Watch yourself and catch when you start fantasy thoughts. Then stop letting yourself go down that road, it’s impulsive and counter productive.
I saw a ted video on YouTube about stopping runaway thoughts that included two questions: what are my thoughts doing? Are they productive?
The answer here is obsessing, and no. But your brain likes it because it’s exactly like dreaming of winning the lottery, you get a flood of happy chemicals imagining these fantasies.
There’s 2 things here: even if ya’ll got together and lived happily ever after, I’m happily married and let me tell you, it’s not always a dream. Secondly, you have go respect this person’s wishes–if someone at work was pining for me after I’d turned them down, I’d be uncomfortable at the least. If I could tell, I’d feel like I had a stalker. You’ve got to shut down these bad thinking habits.
If you can break yourself out of this, they’ll become just a regular person, and social skills will go back to normal.
I’m in a similar situation. Even made a post but it got no replies. In mine she does like me back but is not looming for a romantic relationship. I still think about her alot and daydream about it but I think the best thing is to stay busy with hobbies and friends and try to find somebody else
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
Mostly what hurts us in the unconscious urges that make us question our own sanity. You probably have attatchment issues in your other close relationships as well. Work with a terapist to find out your attatchment style and get screened for any personality disorder lurking beneath the surface. Remember, the most painful moments in life change you in radical ways. Buckle up and get ready to steer that change in your desired direction.
Talk to them maybe when you get to know other aspects of their character you’ll eventually loose that kind of interest.
find new people to think about or something else to channel your energy into like hitting the gym