How do I approach women in public?

23 comments

1. Generally speaking being approached in public (for women) feels a little bit dangerous because there’s absolutely no context to the person doing the approaching. (That’s in a public place like a bus or some other public area.) University spaces like the campus cafeteria would be different because if you’re obviously a university student there, that at least gives you some context.

   Okay, the second problem is you’re clearly doing the approaching because you like how she looks. (exception to this might be in a classroom situation where there’s an opportunity to get to know someone’s personality from class discussion even if you haven’t had a conversation with them)

   So you like how she looks, and you’re a total stranger to HER, so what’s the motive for her to welcome you? Should she welcome every total stranger who likes how she looks? Cute women out in public generally have a reason for being where they are, and that reason isn’t necessarily that they’re looking for a new boyfriend. They have other means of meeting guys that don’t involve responding to strangers who approach randomly.

   Then what’s a better way? A better way is to meet women in places where you have a chance to engage them conversationally. For example, the classroom (before or after), a club activity, a living unit activity, etc.

   Women like it better if they can get to know you through conversation first. So why can’t that be done just “on the spot” with a cold approach? Because then she has to make an immediate decision on the basis of one short conversation (little to no context) whether you’re someone she should keep in contact with. Kinda hard to get a feel for that in a one-off. Much easier to do if you have several conversations over the course of seeing each other repeatedly.

   That’s why these one-off cold approaches so often end in rejection. NOT because there’s anything wrong with or unattractive about you, per se. Simply because it’s easier to say ‘no’ or reject a cold approach than it is to attempt it and then try to figure out if there’s a vibe there, and if she guesses wrong then it gets even more complicated.

   Anyway what I’ve said above is not an ironclad rule, just an explanation of why cold random approaches sometimes fail, it’s often a matter of self-protection for women, not a true rejection.

   Clubs! Classes! Living groups! Friends of friends! Campus events!

   Get yourself a context and start reaching out to women who show up on the radar regularly.

   Good luck!

2. For starters you have good height on you and that is a plus to women 2. Sometimes it isn’t the approach it’s the type of woman you are seeking, some just are not in to guys like that and it’s okay or they don’t have good communication skills and it is hard for them. It’s not you all the time. 3. Lastly, the mantra to go by with a woman you are interested is “nothing beats a failure but a try” things are not awkward unless we make them awkward or unless it is something socially in acceptable. Just practice saying hey to the ones you are interested in that. And at the end of the day if you are shot down it’s on to the next one like Jigga man, son. Good luck.

3. I think it works the other way too.

   Ive been told if i go up to a girl…girls think im too attractive (im a 5 in the south and ive been told a 9 in the east..more reasons to move) and they think im joking w them or something its so confusing

4. putting browser in incognito mode is enough not to spoil your ytube recommendations 😉

5. With no expectations… And a dog… and boundaries and self respect… and a life purpose.

6. Please don’t approach women in public. Stick to online dating etc.

   Edit- lol at the downvotes and negative comments from men. This a “social skills” group- in 2022 if you still cannot understand that women existing in public spaces do not want to be accosted by randos then you’ve got a lot to learn socially.

   Edit 2- I wrote this in response to someone who deleted their reply, so adding it here:

   The vast majority of women end up feeling harassed when a strange man approaches them in public with the intent of trying to date them, and almost all of us have had very negative and often scary experiences when turning down advances. If you make a casual comment to someone waiting near you in line at a place where you share a common interest (like a concert), that’s one thing and I would probably file that under the “hobby” category. Stopping a woman walking on her way to work? That’s going to be a hard no. I think a good rule of thumb would be to ask yourself whether you would approach another man for friendship in any scenario- like, making small talk to another man in line at a concert would be more socially acceptable, going up to a man who’s grocery shopping would be more intrusive.

7. Never point your stiffy–even under your jeans!–directly at them, but approach from an oblique angle. It’s much less threatening.

8. Saw your photo. You look handsome! Why not try? The self-awareness already puts you leagues ahead. Sorry for the lack-lustre advice.

9. Nah, I’d say just don’t do i… oh, 5’11 you say? Well that gives you some more dialogue options

10. Dude, I think I’m decent looking and you look better than me. You’re doing fine in the looks department. I don’t really have any advice for approaching women, but I just wanted to tell you that.

11. im not very good with explaining things using words but i will tell you my own experience with women I will usually just walk up and be like “hey blah blah (insert compliment)” and then a conversation may start if one doesn’t it’s “thank you” i say “of course” and leave it at that, i feel like you just can’t look threatening, keep your hands in front of you speak in a light tone there’s ways to approach a women without making them feel uncomfortable or weird i do it every weekend when i go out and end up dancing with some beautiful girl who’s information i may or may not get but i don’t approach them with the intent to f*ck or anything it’s just cause i like spending time with beautiful women lol i met a nursing student last time i went out, walked up to her leaned in told her she was gorgeous and asked if she wanted to do a shot with me, bartender hooked it up top shelf for bottom shelf price (he was def my wingman that night lol) and me and her just ended up talking and dancing all night its wonderful the connections you can make when you put yourself out there even if it’s just for one night also my boy you jus gotta always look fly dat shit exhausting to always look yo best but if you’re gonna approach a baddie you gotta BE a baddie 😂

12. Change your intention from “meeting women so I can date them” to “I like talking with people”. It always starts with innocuous small talk.

    Preferably not directed at their appearance unless you’re being genuine and solely complimentary.

    Make commentary about this or that, be interesting, be interested. Just pay attention to their response. Say “I love this time of year” and if you they go “yeah it’s nice” and don’t make eye contact, don’t engage etc then they aren’t interested. Move along.

    Are they turning towards you? Making eye contact? Smiling? These are positive indicators that your presence is okay. Talk, listen, and before you go ask for their socials if you want.

    Never take rejection personally, make it less dating and hookup focused, and just have a good time getting to know others and shoot your shot at the end. You’ll be fine.

    Fwiw you can just say “your beautiful” but women hear this all the time, it’s not particularly interesting, and doesn’t demonstrate anything desirable about *you*.

13. There’s no perfect scenario to approach. Some will like you, some won’t that’s just the game. A lot of times it’s only creepy to women if they don’t like you.

    Approach if you want and be ready to get rejected because not every girl is gonna like you.

14. If you are having trouble with basic social skills approaching women in public isn’t a good idea. Just get a social life and meet women naturally in your social circle.

15. As a woman, here are some tips in my opinion. Just start simple, don’t even try the cheesy pick up lines. They never work. Be polite, try a different combination of the following 1: compliment (and not in a hey you’re butt/boobs are sexy type way) say her clothes are really nice today, tell her the hat she’s wearing really makes her eyes/hair pop. If she has dyed hair, tell her it looks really good on her. Find something that will really flatter her in a good and innocent way. 2: ask her her name if you don’t know it, (if she tells you you can compliment that too, tell her her name is really pretty!) 3: if the interaction is going well, ask her for her number, that way you have a way of communication. And a few notes: if she simply says she isn’t interested, don’t get down in the dumps, it might just not be a good time for her, it’s not always your fault. PLEASE SMILE! And don’t be afraid of blushing, it shouldn’t be embarrassing, it’s a very good sign to a girl that you actually think she’s pretty. Please don’t try for the whole “smooth” thing, it really just makes you look like a douchebag. Good luck and I hope it works out for you! 💕

16. Don’t do it. Just be with yourself say you love yourself before you go to sleep and in the mirror until you eventually believe. All you need is yourself and no one else!

17. I myself never approached girl on public.But my courageous friend did approached one and shard his experience and techniques which I will share now
    What he did was find a look alike celebrity pic from google downloaded the pic and went to girl saying
    “Hey are you related to this person” shows pic*
    Girl smiles and says no*
    Friend: I thought you might be related to her my bad.
    Girl:No problem*
    Friend:Initiates a small conversation* which I forgot
    But he didn’t ask her for number because you don’t do ask that to random persons in India .
    He was able to successfully communicate with a cute girl in public though.

18. Unless you’re a panther, I wouldn’t be even thinking of it in terms of approaching. What does that even mean, it means you have a plan of attack or maybe you want one but that whole way of thinking about it makes sense when you’re super horny and young and you can argue that testosterone is winning out. But in general you’ve got to rethink your entire approach. See what I did there? Don’t even think about it that way. I think the very first thing is you just have to like people in general. You said that you have a problem approaching beautiful women and that you’re a male. This almost sounds like filling out clinical paperwork. You know or a Tinder or something “M19/F?”. So you’re looking for a female. Of course, we all are looking to have an ultimate good connection. But it seems to me like you’ve just boiled it down to such simple objective terms that it’s almost impossible to move. Give yourself a real sandbox to play in. Start to think about how you like people in general, men and women. I can’t imagine ever even remotely acting on an Impulse when you randomly meet somebody on the street and you perceive that they are beautiful in your estimation. That’s ridiculous it’s perfectly fine I think to have that reaction but even the thought of acting on it is crazy. I mean yeah that stuff happens sometimes and it has happened to me but it’s not because of approaching it that way to borrow your word.

    You have to be into something yourself. Like what are you into? Like me, I’m a musician. I’m also an awful lot of other things. I’ve learned to cook over the years. And it’s exciting. Etc etc on and on. If you’re into something you will attract other people to you that have similar interests. And they will either end up being friends or if there is some mutual chemistry then that will happen. But that cannot be the immediate goal. It has to be something that emerges from an otherwise more general interaction and relationship.

    But just to demonstrate how crazy this world is, one of my favorite relationships ever from my twenties where we live together for like 3 years after this, was I went to a party and the hostess of the party was somebody that I was immediately attracted to. She was like one year younger than me and just the hostess with the mostest. And we had some decent Snippets of conversation but she was just so busy that there just wasn’t any way and plus I didn’t know her at all. A friend introduced me to her and he didn’t know her that well either. And in the end I became very attracted to her and you can only get away with this when you’re young and you probably shouldn’t ever do it ever anyway, but I ended up just like going into her bedroom where all the Coats were piled on the bed? And then I crawled underneath all the coats but on top of the blanket and stripped down to I was totally naked and I fell asleep. I just couldn’t stay up that late. Hours and hours later like it 6:00 in the morning, I woke up and found it I had a blanket tucked in around my chin and my clothes were neatly folded on a nearby chair. And I got up and I could smell coffee and she poured me a mug right as I was coming out there really groggy. And I felt so embarrassed and so bad that I had done that and that’s when we actually really started talking hardcore for like 3 hours and tons of coffee and then we spent the next week or so literally spending every minute of our time together going out and doing things just hanging out and talking and starting to have tons of sex. And then I moved in with her. So it’s a crazy world we live in. But mostly man, the principle of attraction is better than just trying to force things that’s for sure.

19. Holy shit man, you’re the guy that all the women look at. Not the other way around. Realize that you’re really hot.

    For the rest, you’re overthinking it. Women are just like men, they just want someone serious. If you can approach a woman, introduce yourself, and simply explain that you think she’s cute and would love a date, then that’s totally fine.

    I’m not one to speak on this really as I’ve never had the courage to do it. I’m like you that I overthink it but I know it’s simple.

20. Don’t approach women in public. Women have to be hyper vigilant compared to men because of the predatory behaviour they face on a regular basis, usually from men. It’s a little different if you join a singles group or some sort of meet-up where a sense of structure is in place like a hiking group or a book club where introductions are made, but just going up to a Woman on campus at a library or even a bar because you decided she’s attractive can be awkward at best. You aren’t picking out a cute kitten at the pet store, women have agency and are more than just a face or a body that pleases you.

21. If u don’t take chances, u will never get anywhere. U can say, I’d like to get coffee with u or lunch with u sometime, can I have your number to maybe call u for lunch. Lunch is less formal than dinner. Or getting coffee is a lot more relaxed than say dinner. U mite start off with coffee & work your way up to dinner later

22. “Hey I thought you seemed nice and wanted to introduce myself, I’m *blank*”

    Then just ask them some personal questions like “How’s your day going” or “what’s your credit card number”

23. No matter how attractive you are, being a solo woman in a public space minding your own business and having a man come to you out of the blue immediately sets off alarm bells in our heads. Respectfully, it doesn’t matter if your intentions are good, no matter who you are it’s potentially dangerous. If you’re in uni, try sitting next to someone in a lecture where it is a controlled and “safe” environment, try talking before it starts, make connections this way instead of just approaching someone out of the blue, it’s always going to come off as creepy