• I (22F) met a guy through my mutual friend the beginning of this year.
• We hung out 3 times in group settings before I made my shot at him.
• I thought I wouldn’t get used because we met through friends and had already hung out platonically.
• I thought he disliked me at first because I was really loud when I first met him.
• I met him sober and he is so much friendlier and gets along and makes friends so much more when he isn’t sober.
• After I made my shot, he asked me to be his valentine and we went on a date for the first time on valentines.
• I slept with him on the first date and I keep thinking maybe it’s my fault for sleeping with him too soon.
• After the date he told me that he didn’t want a relationship but it was nothing to do with me and that he was planning to move states and that he doesn’t want to commit to anything serious because his life is gonna change in the next two years.
• I didn’t question this because we had mutual friends who confirmed he was planning to move and study prior to me.
• 8 months later, I think I am in love him with him and we have talked everyday since.
• Today he told me that he is now dating someone.
• To make it worse he told me that we cannot even be friends !
I feel so nauseous and disgusting, I just keep trying to understand what I did wrong. I can’t believe he has a girlfriend, I just feel like what could I have done, why do I always get it wrong, I gave everything I could.
Maybe I should’ve waited to have sex, I just don’t get it, he said it wasn’t me, was it wrong timing, I was the first girl he had sex with after his ex but how was I meant to know that before I did, but they’d been apart for a year and he was afraid of women when he met me he hated women because of his past and I fixed him.
This is so depressing because I’ve done this before I’ve been there to repair men make them feel better and then they always leave me once they have confidence and reassurance they got from me.
I just never knew when the right time was, like I just thought I should just do it like shoot my shot because I didn’t know when would be right and then same with when I slept with him, but I just don’t know why I always seem to get it wrong. I didn’t know how long to wait I didn’t know what to do, I thought it’d be okay.
I’m so lost so depressed I really can’t see the light right now
4 comments
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through it right now. Typically regardless of excuse they give.. if someone doesn’t commit it is because the puzzle pieces just don’t click perfectly. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that anything is wrong with you (or him). Sometimes two people just aren’t 100% compatible and that’s Okay! I don’t think your decision making is bad or what got you into this.
If it felt right to shoot your shot and hook up the first night, then it was right. Better to have taken the chance and had memories and experiences made, then to always wonder what if..
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now.. but this is a blessing in disguise. If you feel he was someone you needed to boost up constantly…. not for you. I did this constantly with guys and had a lot of “wasted relationships”. But no experiences are wasted if you let yourself learn from them…
You are super young and have lots of time to grow as a human and find yourself and in turn find someone that will value you and click 100%.
Keep your head up, it will get better… even when it doesn’t feel like it. ❤️❤️❤️
Pretty normal not to stay friends with someone once you move on. Healthier for the both of you honestly.
We will never truly know why he didn’t want to commit to a relationship with you. Who knows what’s in his heart and mind.
When reading your story, what jumped out for me was “I was really loud when I first met him.” That can be a huge turn off to some people. Perhaps it was at that point he put you in the “fun type” bucket. I really don’t think it was the sex on the first date. Your fate may have been decided when you were “really loud.”
You’re looking for where you went wrong like it’s a magic formula. Because you can’t find a flaw you’re now blaming yourself. You’re not being fair on yourself. This situation didn’t work out but this doesn’t mean that doing exactly the same things again won’t yield a better result. You did your best. Another potential relationship will come along soon enough. Obviously this doesn’t help with today’s heartache but looking for a relationship always carries that risk.
So, pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Give yourself time to heal. Do some things you enjoy with friends you trust. If or when you’re ready try to find that Mr Right again.
I don’t think you did anything wrong? Sex on the first date isn’t recommended but it wasn’t a negative in this relationship.
The guy was planning on moving away before you met him, he was unavailable from the start and he knew it.
If there is an error here it is from you falling in love with someone who moved away, you may want to plant your feet in reality before giving away you heart in the future?