I need advice guys.
I used to be a people pleaser, did and said things for people to like me, had no self-confidence. Anyway I learned the hard way that that some people suck, are narcistic, backstab and just don’t like me for whatever unknown reason.
Nowadays, since moving to the city, going back to university and meeting more people nowadays, my life (27m) turned up side down and is quite great. I also travelled a lot and i’m lucky because of that. Socially I consider myself as a kind but straightforward man. My vibe is extraverted and I like to treat people like I want be treated.
Anyway, beside surrounding myself with the right people, how do I handle the people that I can’t ignore? For example, a teacher of mine, colleagues at work, friends of friends… Ask and confront them? Ask their motives? Or the opposite? Most of the time, their behavior is very clear to me, the way they answer me, look at me, ignore me or just laugh with me.
5 comments
Leave them alone and only talk to them if needed.
Learn to ignore them, its possible to ignore people even in the same room. Dont dig in their reasons of disliking you, cause you will try to adopt and change for them. You canot be likeble or be friendly with everybody, and you dont have to like everybody. Nobody owns you explanation as you dont own to shitty people your good behavior
Look up the grey rock technique.
Be polite, be professional, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet. No, wait…. that’s what you’re supposed to do in the marine corps.
I’ve learned the hard, hard way that being a people-pleaser who is always there to help anyone at any time of the day no matter what the circumstances are… never works. They just grow to see you as a tool for their convenience, never showing any appreciation for your efforts, or even treating you like a human being with actual feelings and emotions. I read a tweet this morning that said something along the lines of **”being a good person doesn’t get you loved; it gets you used”**. Tbh, you couldn’t pay me enough to disagree with that.
It’s **insanely hard** to break out of this deeply-ingrained habit, but what I’m currently giving a try is when I meet someone new, I refrain as hard as I can from… you know… doing everything for them, making their life easier at every turn, all that stuff. This shows you when someone truly appreciates you **for who you are and not just for what you bring to the table**.