I hit it off with a gal on Hinge and we talked for a week straight of texting non-stop until our date. She told me she thought I was cute and she felt a spark. She said isn’t talking to other guys and doesn’t want me talking to other girls. I told her I really like her and I’ll send a goodbye message to a few other women I was talking to.
Is this moving too fast? Or is this normal if there is a spark? (I felt it too). After our date she texted me that she got home safe and we went back to texting like we normally do. I think this was a bit too quick but I just brushed it off because I think I can give her what she’s looking for.
40 comments
There’s really no timeline to how you “should” do things when it comes to dating. If you feel a spark and you have both communicated what your definition of “exclusivity” is, and you’re both on the same page then it doesn’t really matter whether it happened after the first date or seventh date. Just make sure to keep your eyes peeled for any red flags as you would with any potential partner, as you’re probably getting to know her on a more intimate level now that you are exclusive than a conventional dating approach. Congratulations (on the success!) and best of luck 🙂
Some people want to know that the person they’re dating isn’t also dating others and that’s fine if you both agree. It doesn’t mean you’re going to marry her, it just means that you both focus on this relationship without distractions. If you don’t click, you break up same as you would if you were still talking to others. Don’t blow it out of proportion. It’s not really that limiting.
If you want to be exclusive, no problem but both of you need to understand what you’re signing up for. Remember this relationship is new. When the new car shine finally wears off are y’all going to feel the same about each other. I want both of y’all to consider that. You are now both in the trial stage enjoy yourselves be monogamous. Communicate.
Definitely a bit fast.
All relationships are different but this would be a strong yellow flag for me. If you really like her and want to give it a try then proceed with caution.
Way too fast. You’re still absolute strangers. Whenever I vibe right away with someone, doesn’t mean we’re compatible but maybe just sexually compatible. I also tend to feel the spark immediately with emotionally unavailable people who just like to connect in general with anyone they vibe with. Doesn’t mean they always want a relationship unfortunately or the type of relationship I want.
If I really like someone after the first date, I’ll stop talking to others like after the first two dates. But I won’t tell them until we have an exclusive talk because I even realize that’s a bit early and crazy to admit.
In my experience, the people that want to be exclusive after a first or second date have ended up VERY clingy and I’ve even gotten “you took 2hrs to respond. Are you talking to people now?” type of texts multiple times or they’d try to call me 3-4x a day. It was very smothering and I couldn’t do it. I get that they were trying to find a partner, but they did too much too soon.
You could always give it a go. If something isn’t working for you, you’re entitled to pull the “exclusive” plug at any point for any reason.
You can be exclusive from the first date. However, asking your date to be exclusive from the first date is too much. People move at different speeds.
My guess is that you agreed, but your heart wasn’t in it. So you shouldn’t have agreed. And now you’re questioning it.
The only way forward is to either remain exclusive or back out of dating her. You already agreed. You can’t recant without making things weird. Better to just break things off.
If you both consent it’s okay. I personally feel this is too fast for myself. It would make me very uncomfortable because first date she’s basically a stranger. But if you’re cool with it, go for it. There’s no hard rule about it. Just be careful with other things. Like don’t have her move into your place a month into dating for instance.
I’ve had a few guys ask me how many other guys I’m talking to, and one or two ask me if I’d be okay pausing those conversations to pursue a connection. In both cases I did, but it didn’t go anywhere. With the other guys I was talking to I just explained I was pursuing something with someone but not officially dating, but wanted to be respectful of everyone involved. Wasn’t an issue for anyone.
I’ve also had a few guys I was talking to end things to seriously pursue someone, so it’s pretty normal as long as both sides are okay with it!
First date might be a bit off, but as someone that’s from a more conservative country, if I found out a girl I was dating a few times was seeing another dude on the side I’d think of that as cheating.
How can you build something with someone, form a connection, when you’re taking someone else’s dick 24 hours after?
You Westeners have really weird dating standards.
Nope this isn’t normal. But it is a refreshing change.
I think it depends on expectations and the situation. I would definitely keep your eyes open for any potential red-flags. — But if you want to be all in with her, then don’t let anyone rain on your parade either.
I met someone off Hinge I had a really great time with and we get on great. He jokingly told me he wanted to be the reason I deleted the app. After spending some time together, we both deleted it. There was no ‘defining the relationship’, just a mutual understanding of we’re only seeing each other right now and that’s what we agree on.
If it doesn’t work out you can always redownload the app, mate lol – by all means, I wish you the best though.
Fast is relative. If it feels right and there is clear communication, then I don’t see anything to worry about. Exclusivity doesn’t mean anything other than you two aren’t seeing anyone else. There isn’t that doubt game. You both can focus on one another and figure out if you are compatible.
It’s uncommon but not unheard of. You obviously like each other very much. Just follow your heart and don’t let bitter Bettys ruin it by telling you it’s wrong.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being exclusive with someone on the first date, it’s definitely very unusually considering todays dating climate but not wrong…not necessarily.
Only thing you need to worry about is….do YOU feel like the relationship is moving too fast? If you don’t proceed as you are, you got this don’t overthink it. This is another human being not rocket science.
However, if you do at any point feel your moving too fast you have to make that apparent to this girl and enforce your boundaries if you feel like she’s crossing them. Otherwise she’s going to keep doing what you don’t like and you end up resenting her for doing it and yourself for letting her.
honestly this sounds just like me and my partner! we met on tinder and texted non-stop until our first date 2 weeks later. he asked me to be his girlfriend on the first date and i remember being kind of freaked out because i thought it was a red flag, but i had just never been on a date with a person who knew what they really wanted. we’ve now been together for nearly a year (1 year next month) and it’s the healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in. so go for it!!!! and especially with how well she explained herself, she’s definitely a good communicator!
This is a green flag. I relate to this girl because I don’t like talking to multiple people at once. However I never had the guts of her to ask to soon (wish I did). Lot do us just don’t like juggling social connections. It’s better to focus and waste time on someone rather than fuck around and mess up a good connection with fuzzy other connections
First date is definitely too soon, even for me 😬
She wants to give you her undivided attention to get to know you, and expects you to do the same for her. That is okay. It is also okay for you to tell her that you would rather keep playing the dating game and talk to other women. It would then be okay for her to NOPE out of any future dates with you. Some people are also germaphobes and don’t want to be with someone who basically has the bodily fluids of a different partner still in or on them. Between health risks like C19 and STD’s, some people really aren’t as down for the casual dating thing as they once were…but plenty people think they are ten feet tall, bulletproof, and it will NEVER happen to them(STDs, unplanned pregnancies, or paternity fraud-raising another person’s baby). The fact that after just one date has her this interested in you should be an ego boost for you, to be really honest.
She set her clear intentions of what she was looking for. Thats perfectly normal and not to waste time.
Go with what feels right to you. After our first date, I asked my bf what it was that he was looking for. If he was talking to other people etc. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
By the 3rd date, he asked me to be exclusive.
No, it’s not a bad thing, no matter what anyone tells you. She likes you and wants a bit of commitment, which is a healthy and mature pursuit if you are seriously trying to make something happen. It’s not a big deal or some scary label that people make it out to be; you can break-up just as easily.
A lot of people see this type of focus as something you need to work for. Personally, I feel like if you truly want to give someone the time, respect, and dedication necessary to really get to know them and grow a connection, it’s a prerequisite. If you like her, go for it.
They did say it was made for people who wants to get off all dating apps haha
I’d wait until 4 dates minimum …. Both of you need to reveal yourselves to each other to really realize if this is going to work. It’s only working now because it’s new and the honeymoon stage.
I would do like this girl next time I’m dating someone. Who wanna invest time and energy to later know that you are an option, and worse, to not be picked? She set her intention clear, it’s up to you to follow it or not. If you don’t like her that much, leave her alone
It’s very rare for both people to feel a spark, plus being able to talk to well. It’s normal to want to lock down a good thing and see where it goes. You never know where it will lead, but you may as well try.
I think it’s a good thing for both of you. No game playing, cards on the table – it feels mutual and good so go for it. Unless you’re openly into polyamory – how many people do you want in your life? I can tell on the first date if it’s going to work or not and in a lifetime of dating I’ve rarely been wrong.
The first date!? I’d be pretty weirded out tbh, particularly after we’ve just met.
Yes I’m this dating climate more people should be like her
I was pressured to be exclusive by the 3rd date. I broke up with them two months later. You don’t really know this person yet, so you don’t know what you’re signing up for. If I was asked by anyone to be exclusive our first meeting, that would be an even bigger red flag
Personally It does seem odd and also you don’t really know this girl. And vice versa…
Id have given it a bit more time, but hey ho.
No it’s not normal. Get to know each other better.
I think it’s very normal that she doesn’t want you to date others while you date her. If you can respect that and do it. That I would say go for it. Don’t overthink it
To me this is a HUGE red flag. It is NOT normal to assume that a spark will lead anywhere on the very first date. Knowing you want to be exclusive with that person takes time. If she demanded you stop seeing other girls then I would run. It really depends on how she asked. Setting boundaries early on is fine. Demanding them or trying to guilt trip someone to do as you want is another. I would rather be exclusive with someone but would never ask this on a first date. Please be weary of signs of a manipulatioship if you do choose to pursue this.
It kinda is a red flag and she might have some attachment issues, be cautious. Don’t fall too hard for her, she might drop you as quick as she had that “spark” with you. I’m not saying it’s doomed but attachment issues are very destructive.
Yes but if she is asking about exclusivity means that you had sex at least one time, if no you should know her that exclusivity is earn by good sex and good couple behavior.
In short, no it’s not. She’s definitely talking to other guys. It’s quite impossible that she isn’t. Whenever any girl tells you to drop other women you’re talking to, it’s not a good sign especially when they have only been on one date with you. She’s trying to make you fall for the trap of security bro. Don’t fall into it.
Yh you can give what she wants, but can she give you what you want? You don’t know and barely know cos you’ve only been on one date. You should tell her that’s too fast to be exclusive and pull back and keep talking to other girls. You may find someone better than her.
Not normal in my opinion.
First date is to get to know the person, see if there is enough of a spark to go on date 2.
Thats all.
This is about her controlling your behaviour day 1.
Listen. As a man, you have legendarily few options compared to a woman. The top 1% of all men can barely close with a woman 9 out of 10 times. Meanwhile a 5/10 woman can get laid just by spreading her legs. She sounds like she’s using you for dates and getting attention, because texting is low effort, and attention is the life blood of the feminine. This is corroborated because you seem a little desperate for a gf (not meaning to tick you off, it’s just that it comes off that way), she can easily read that, and with one little text, she just got you to stop talking to any other chance you’d have with girls, meanwhile you can’t even verify with certainty she isn’t talking to other men.
Literally, unless you two are officially dating, don’t ever stop talking to other girls, because that’s how you get used as a guy, and girls know this. Girls on average are talking to 8 other guys at the same time, why the hell shouldn’t we have numbers like that?!
Try to sleep with her, and if she doesn’t reciprocate, then walk away and talk to 30 different girls. Who the hell is she anyway? Telling you who you can and can’t talk to when she won’t even commit to a relationship?
You do you my guy! I wouldn’t consider it normal but it’s not an obscene request either, so if you feel comfortable with it then go for it.
I don’t have a problem with commitment, in fact I generally prefer it. But I can’t think of a situation where I’d be comfortable making things exclusive this fast. That’s just me though.