We have been friends since last year. We share everything about our lives, the people we dated, the people we like, the people we were dating back then, and everything.
Now, we like each other. We share a similar mentality and similar interests.
We talk about deep things. We cuddle a bit, we hug, we watch Netflix, and so.
She’s fantastic, empathic, caring, and lovely.
We met our friends, and she took me to dinners with relatives. We dine together and such.
The thing is that she flirts with guys over WhatsApp. Guys she knows and met before in her home country.
She hides her phone when we are having dinner, and she’s always afraid I’ll see it.
She always said that I was special and that she didn’t treat me like the rest. That I am special, and things she shares with me, she doesn’t share with anyone.
I talked to her about having some feelings, and she accepted it but she got shy and couldn’t talk about hers, saying that she still doesn’t have her shit together, she’s still lost.
She’s still trying to avoid holding hands or kissing. While I don’t know how I should treat her. As a girlfriend or as a friend and continue dating others.
31 comments
Honestly it doesn’t sound like you guys are dating…or at least not from her perspective.
You need to have a proper conversation about what you both see this as/want.
You’re at a sugar daddy age don’t waste your time with that hag she barely can bear any children
She doesn’t want what you want. Have some self respect and look elsewhere.
I think her avoiding holding hands or kissing is a really bad sign. (Although recently there was a girl I had been doing a lot of holding hands and kissing with, and then she suddenly told me she didn’t want to meet up again, reasons not explained… so what do I know.)
Best to communicate with her in a no-pressure, easy-going way so you both know as clearly as possible what the other wants. If she doesn’t know what she wants, won’t communicate, or just wants to keep all her options open, I’d suggest that you don’t get too involved and treat more casually and as a friend.
You will find other women who are more aligned with what you are looking for and who see the situation the same as you. Don’t waste your time on complicated people or situations, you will only get hurt.
If she just wants to be friends and you are happy to stay friends, perfect, but make the distinction very clearly in your mind, move on, and don’t let her think that you are standing by waiting for her.
Some people will use you as a romantic reserve for a long time, but then abandon when they meet someone they are more interested in. They immediately respect you more if you initially don’t give them power over you and just move on quickly when you realise they are not as interested in you than you are in them.
So let me get this right? You are jealous of her talking to other guys when you haven’t even kissed yet? That’s a bit mad my dude
If it were me and I truly cared for her, I’d be okay “being cool” for awhile. But tell her – let her know that at some point in the future you’d like to escalate. Because I don’t need to tell you what will happen, although I will. It’s happened to me and to others.
At some point she’ll connect with one of the guys she flirts with. Or she’ll meet someone else. The guys from whatsapp – odds are they don’t know about you or about the other guys. All they know is that she’s flirting with them and they like it. No fault on their part for sure, but they don’t know. So if they meet up with her and she likes them…suddenly you’re just this guy who’s in the way. And you’ll be treated as such. And at some point you’ll have to hear the schpeel about how you were never officially together, and technically by the letter of the law she didn’t do anything wrong.
Again not going to lie – I’ve been okay with this sort of arrangement before. And honestly I probably would be again, because I believe in doing whatever I need to do to be happy. And when eventually the woman found someone else, I’ve held my tongue. Even though yes I felt used and scorned, I either verbally agreed to the arrangement, or I did so in a de facto manner.
I’m guessing she’s pretty nice to look at. She definitely doesn’t like you, man.
Be direct and ask her and then move on if she says no. She might be using you.
Sex better be damn good to put up with this bullshit.
Tell her:
If it’s casual, then I can bang whoever I want, and you can flirt with whoever you want on whatsapp.
If we’re BF/GF, then I can hold hands and kiss you in public, officially announce that we’re together on social media (FB official), and you will *respect the relationship* by deleting those guys off your whatsapp.
If you’re not sleeping with her, you’re just a friend and she’s using you for BF duties with no benefits.
Time for an ultimatum.
You might be dating but she isn’t
That is called the friend zone my friend
She’s using you and these other dudes to fill her relationship bucket, without having to be in a relationship.
If she actually liked you she’d have been riding your dick 2 and a half months ago my guy it’s time to move on this isn’t a relationship you don’t even kiss or hold hands
Can you clarify… are you sexually intimate?
leave. She either doesn’t want to date you or her behavior will destroy you later in the years. Either way, you are much better off without her.
You kind of said it all, it’s not a mystery. She is treating you like the rest, she doesn’t want a relationship and after flirting with someone she wasn’t really into, shes pulling back. Find someone else.
Nahh leave her right now and move on. All she will do is hurt u in the end… and she probably knows she can get away with it. Just leave i promise u will find better
OP have you been paying for dates?
I mean try making her jealous. If you present to her that you will always be available, of course she will look around. Make her say she wants you exclusively or walk away. No girl wants a man who is *not* desired by others
She’s stringing you along at worst or at best likes the casualness. Up to you
Platonic
I know what she’s not…yours
its clear you both want different things you want a relationship where you 2 are exclusive where she isnt there yet. if you arent exclusive or calling each other partners then its open to all tbh
If you aren’t dating I’m not sure why you’re surprised that she’s texting other ppl.
Girls want attention and options as much of the time as they possibly can. Even when they ARE in a committed relationship, if they can manage it, they’ll still make sure to have options, just in case something happens to that relationship. I’m not saying ALL women, but many of them do. Girls also feel that “dating” doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship. She can be dating and screening multiple men at the same time, which is what it sounds like she’s doing, playing the field.
If you want to be exclusive, you have to have that talk and come to an agreement, you can’t just expect it out of the blue.
Now, once you’ve had the talk, and if you agree to being exclusive and she’s STILL doing that, then you got a serious problem on your hands, but until then, it’s pretty much fair game Bro, sorry to tell ya.
It sounds like you’re “dating” but are not in a committed exclusive *relationship*. If you haven’t asked her to be your girlfriend then you can’t say she shouldn’t be talking to any other guys.
She keep you on leash for when she will have no option and need something. You are being use dude. Respect yourself, Just walk away and cut all contact it’s better for you
You are her plan C or just source of attention. Move on.
Two possible scenarios:
1. You are involved in a one sided “relationship” due to over estimating her interest level.
2. She’s having a best of both worlds situation. She sorta has you as a boyfriend filling the going out with friends and family role and is still talking to other guys for attention/validation.
Either way, you two aren’t really “dating” so act accordingly and you better do it fast because the longer you wait the deeper you get involved.
You deserve better. She is stringing you along for her ego and you are going to get hurt, if your emotions haven’t taken you past that line already.
Chalk this up to a learning experience and don’t let women like this play with your heart again.
And do yourself a favor; end things with her on your terms, because if you wait for it to be on her terms it will hurt more.
Then she’s not dating you, she’s sampling. If she’s still talking to others and flirting, you’re not special to her.
Bro she’s not interested in you, even if she is why is she flirting with other ppl? Anyways dump her before she says But i only saw you as a friend.
If you still convinced her somehow and you guys got in a relationship, I doubt she will remain loyal.