I (22M) am mostly heterosexual. Generally more attracted to women. But I’m so sick of how sex-centric dating culture is.
For me, sex is like crust on a pizza. It’s still bread and it’s great, but it is not a reason to go get a pizza.
Im starting to feel like the only one with this perspective. Maybe I just am around the wrong people. Anyone else feel this way?
9 comments
It’s both. Dating these days has for sure become more sex-focused in general, but there are plenty of people who date and are not as sex-focused. Also keep in mind that you are 22, so it’s normal for your age group to be a bit more focused on sex. As you get older this usually calms down to a degree, but in the mean time I would purposefully pursue people who not only interest you, but who also have similar views on sex.
I personally love love love sex, once a connection is made.
Wait til you try the cheese and pepperoni stuffed crust!!
But seriously, I agree. If I’m in a committed loving relationship I’m always down. But if I’m first dating I’d rather check a lot of other boxes first. Girls have broken it off with me for going too slow. I respect their honesty but I don’t get it.
Sex just amplifies what you are already doing in a connection/relationship. If you are close and connected, you will be more close and connected. If you are insecure, jealous and there is low trust, you will feel more insecure.
I would really like to have a close partner who is primarily a trusted friend. The sex would be an additional bonus, but I do feel I am less obsessed with it than others in general.
First of all, how dare you. The crust is the best part of the pizza for me. I usually cut the crusts off pizza and use them as bread soldiers dipped in marinara sauce. It’s literally the only reason I get pizza.
Second. I like sex. I date to find mutually accommodating partners to enjoy having sex with. Not everyone thinks that way. I’ve noped out on many 2nd and 3rd dates with girls who say something crazy like no sex for the first 6 months, 10 dates, marriage etc. Hey, you do you. If we’re not compatible, I won’t hold it against you. All the best.
So you’re not the only one, for sure.
I’m the same (29F). I hardly feel physically attracted to someone, it’s very difficult for me to hook up with people. I need to know what kind of person they are: values, cultural taste, intelligence… The online dating hookup thing is really not my thing at all. I do best at concerts/parties where I can see a person as a whole and feel their energy instantly. Some of my friends excell in the online dating thing cause they’re so appearance-focused and sex focused, they don’t do great at parties for example cause you need more social skills.
Believe me you are not alone! Libido and attraction is a spectrum an totally not black and white. I even considered myself demi-sexual at some point, but then I sometimes I do surprise myself!
Maybe you’re somewhere on the asexual spectrum
Can’t help but agree. Even people claiming to be interested in relationships are still hyper focused on sex. Kind of defeats the distinction between casual and relationship. Can’t stand mixed signals, blurred lines or goalpost moving, and people’s fixation on sex fuels a lot of that. Don’t wanna sound too puritanical, but you can thank porn culture for that.
Feel the same exact way I like the thought that goes into making the pizza, the intention. Or the intellect, the nature and how the person makes me feel rather than what they have to offer