I (28F) am really good friend with this guy (35M). We have been hanging out alone at least once every week for the last few months (but we’ve known each other for longer), and we’ve become pretty close. We talk about everything, we care for each other, we’re comfortable to be ourselves, etc.
The problem is I have developed strong feelings for him, while it doesn’t seem that it’s the same for him. Actually, every time we meet, he says something that sounds like a low-key friendzone (I don’t know if he does this on purpose to keep me at a distance or if he is just completely clueless I like him, but still), and overall he doesn’t seem as involved as I am. I mean, it’s clear he cares about me and appreciate me as a person (or he wouldn’t want to hang out every week), but he doesn’t seem to be romantically/physically interested in me.
I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I don’t want to lose our friendship because he means a lot to me and I really like him as a person, he gives me good advice, he makes me feel heard, he cares about me, I enjoy talking to him etc. But on the other hand, it hurts a lot to know he’ll never be mine, to always having to resist the urge to kiss him, to know that one day he might get a girlfriend and I’ll have to keep being his friend hiding my actual feelings.
What should I do? What’s the best way to fix this situation in the least hurtful way?
And I have another question, if anyone of you might want to try to give me an answer. Why does he want to hang out 1on1 every week with a girl he isn’t interested in?
6 comments
Give me am example of something he said that indicates he isn’t interested
How many 1on1s have you had
Has there been any physical contact
What are you wearing on these 1on1s
Men have a tendency to be blissfully unaware of when someone is interested in them. My best advice for men almost always goes to just be blunt, ask him out. If he isn’t interested in you that way it won’t ruin your friendship unless you can’t continue being friends.
Why are you so sure he’s not interested in you?
Something along the lines of “if you ever want to go on a date sometime let me know, perfectly fine with just staying friends but I’ve been kinda curious if there could be something more here” just give him an easy out that doesn’t put too much pressure that if he doesn’t agree that the friendship is over
Don’t confess, ask him out on a date instead. Confessing shows that you’re timid and you’re already invested. Asking someone out is spontaneous and dipping your toes in the water
When in doubt ask him, but do it in statement. You don’t see me as more Than a friend do you? It makes it more difficult to get a conflicting answer. If he answers with a simple yes or a no, then you counter with, yes or no to what exactly? Yes and no hides everything.
I cannot imagine remaining in an unclarified friendship. Get yourselves off the fence of confusion. And saying that about coffee not meaning it is romantically centered, seems to be him trying to say he isn’t interested in you. Like he is aware you might be wanting more.