I (26F) have been with my husband (27M) for over 8 years and we recently got married last May. Yesterday my husband invited over a coworker/classmate, let’s call her D (27F?), into our home while I was taking a nap. Before heading out to work I took a nap, and woke up hearing a girls voice. I thought it was the neighbor, but it was D. I only meant her once before & husband mentioned how they’re in the same class & will give her a ride to school since she lives about 5 minute drive away. I don’t think she has a car, or why else would he give her ride to school.
I was quite surprise she was at our place helping with the Halloween decorations. I got really really upset because he didn’t send me a text to let me know he invited someone over (I know he can’t tell me when I’m sleeping so at least send a text) and he never asked if I wanted to help with the decorations. I thought it was a project he wanted to do on his own since he’s has this entire week off.
I left to work an hour & half early cause I didn’t want to be stuck in my room. As I’m leaving I said hi to D and said the decorations were nice (didn’t see husband anywhere). As I’m walking to work my husband called confused because he thought I didn’t start work until later.
Then I told him how I felt about him inviting someone over without telling me & how he never asked me if I wanted to help with the decorations, but invites a friend over to help him out. All he said was he thought I wouldn’t be interested and I told him he never asked and I thought it was a project he wanted to do on his own. As I got closer to work I told him I had to go & hung up.
Later that night I come home expecting to talk about it. However, the only thing he asked me was how was work…never mentioned the incident that happened earlier that day. I got upset & called him out on it. I explained earlier while we were on the phone I told him I was really angry/hurt he would do that to me and now he’s going to act like it didn’t happen at all. Then he says he didn’t invite her over for Halloween decorations. He text her to come over at 3 so he can give her a ride to school, but she asked if she could come over at 1:30 instead. I told him he should be the one picking her up since she only lives less than 5 minutes away and why would he agree for her to invite herself over earlier than what he said? I got no answer for my question. Except that when she did come over he was expecting to watch a tv show with her, but she asked about the he was doing since all the decorations was out & that’s how she started helping with his project.
TL;DR My husband invited someone over while I was taking a nap, am I overreacting for being upset he invited someone over without giving me heads up. To be honest, if this was a friend we both knew then I wouldn’t have gotten as upset and would have been more annoyed.
8 comments
It sounds like you have communication issues. My husband and I have a firm agreement that we don’t invite people over without checking with the other first, but it seems like either you don’t have that type of understanding or your husband doesn’t think it applied here since she invited herself over before getting a ride. Honestly, it sounds like his friend is lonely and wanted to spend time hanging out, and your husband has poor boundaries and couldn’t say no. It also sounds like he didn’t think it would bother you that she was there, which means that the two of you don’t seem to know each other as well as you should for being together 8 years. Time to lay out some ground rules so this doesn’t happen again and maybe couples therapy so you can resolve conflicts better.
Guess im the only one who finds it odd a husband is inviting/she invited herself. Afemale coworker/friend herself over to his house to spend hour or so together in the middle of the day…..
I get guys and girls can be friends but do you need to make more female friends when youre married?
plain ignorant inconsideration, ask if you can invite a male coworker over while he’s sleeping, so you can sit on the couch and watch a movie.
It sounds like this is not actually about him not texting you while you were napping, or about the Halloween decorations. It sounds like you are feeling insecure about your husband having a female friend who wants to hang out with him, and also want to spend quality time with him (i.e. putting up the decorations). I think instead of “calling him out,” it would be better to address the core issues. Do you trust your husband? Are you both allowed opposite sex friends in your marriage? If you trust him, what’s wrong with him inviting over his friend to hang out before school?
If you want more quality time together, let him know that and plan time together. That will help you more than overreacting to him having a friend help him put up decorations.
Man/woman/NB, doesn’t matter, I’d be annoyed to wake up to someone else in my home. Husband and I always give each other the curtesy of a heads up or check in first.
Y’all need to communicate better. You didn’t tell him you were interested in putting up the decoration and you assumed he would do it himself. He let someone come over early and didn’t communicate with you. You’re both ASSUMING things about what each other want so I’m going with ESH.
Talk to your husband. You pulled a passive aggressive stunt by leaving early and not telling him. That’s not how you solve problems.
I think you’re making a big deal over nothing tbh.
Was it weird to wake up with someone in your house? Maybe a bit but all you had to say when she left was “hey I’d appreciate a heads up before you invite people over, and a text if I’m sleeping.” It just seems like a really weird thing to get “really, really upset” about. Do you not trust your husband?
And it sounds like you made assumptions and got upset if that they were wrong. You assumed he wanted to do the decoratuons on his own, then got mad he did them with someone else. If you wanted to do them with him why did you not just say that?
Like to me having a friend over and then deciding spontaneously to put up halloween decorations is just so… normal.
You’re ringing possessive, toxic alarm bells for me, It’s his house too i assume. Unless you walk around naked, you dont need to know.