Should I have sex even though I am, to be frank, not a smart person and slow? Throughout college and high school it always took me more time than everyone else to grasp the material and do decently. Learning has always been hard for me, because I’m not smart enough to learn quickly. This has gotten me fired from jobs before and it’s something I’m really ashamed about. It’s keeping me from trying to apply for any serious jobs because I don’t think I have the processing/mental ability to do them.
Whenever I’ve had sex before all my previous partners would make fun of me and get angry at me for my slowness. One ex-boyfriend said I was the dumbest girl alive because I couldn’t figure out how to move on top of him. Another got angry because I didn’t know what to do when giving him a BJ our third time having sex and said he didn’t want to have to teach me. Another one said that nobody would love me except him because I was that naïve and dumb. These experiences make me want to avoid sex/relationships altogether, because I feel I don’t have the mental capacity to learn how to actually have sex. I’m in my mid-20s now, most people aren’t going to have the patience to guide me on what to do, so I feel it’s hopeless.
8 comments
Everyone deserves good fun
I am so sorry that you have had these awful experiences. If you find the right bf he will be patient and help you enjoy the experience. Don’t give up but be more selective in the boys you date. It sounds like you have had more than your share of losers. Sex isn’t like a class at school. Once you have your first orgasm you will know why everyone is obsessed with it. Good luck.
Sounds like you just picked terrible man-boys.
Nobody automatically knows what to do. On top of that, what works on one person may not work on another.
Without knowing you, it would be impossible for me to say, but I would advise you to not give in to the attentions of “bad boys” and look for guys who treat you kindly, don’t make fun of you, and are fun to be around. Does this make sense to you?
Tell them if they can’t be nice, perhaps they should just jack themselves off without the assistance of your body.
48 (male). I can guarantee you that there is someone waiting for you to step in their life. If any boys( I cant call a male a man when they act like a boy) give you shit about not wanting to teach you, being slow, or whatever then they are not worth your time, period. I have had experiences with inexperienced partners and I absolutely enjoyed it, it was hot af. Someone one day will appreciate your willingness to learn but you will certainly not find them if you continue to look for the same shit asses. I use to be a ” bad boy”. My love life was abusive and I was always unhappy because of the women I attracted. Change your environment or change how you put yourself out there. You want a real man? Stop letting these boys in your head. Boys don’t know shit about being a real man.
If you refer to yourself as an idiot or slow, others will think so too. You should stop doing that and think of yourself as a unique person with the same wants and needs as the rest of us. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. You may have an attention deficit condition where you can’t pay attention to a teacher or reading a book for more than a short period of time. Lots of people have this and they can learn to function just fine.
If you find yourself saying dumb things, learn to think before you speak. I had a boss one time who told me, “it’s better to remain silent and have people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
As far as sex goes, you might want to explore your own body first. Find out what turns you on and what doesn’t. We all have the capacity to please ourselves and it’s a great thing to do. Find a safe place where you won’t be disturbed and run your hands over your body and see what feels good. Let your mind fantasize about whatever it wants and see what it comes up with. Explore the clit and feel your fingers gently rubbing circles around it. When you have your first self-induced orgasm you will be amazed. Hang in there, girl.
Its great that you found a career that you love. If you are interested in the work you will do well at it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have a job you like and that you are succeeding at. You are healthy. A lot of people would be envious of you. Enjoy your life. You are free and can do whatever you like. And take pride in what you have accomplished. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, so try to enjoy every day.