I (28f) have been dating my boyfriend (27m) for a little under 3 years. We live together and I’m definitely ready for the next steps. A few months back, we had a talk about him feeling pressured to propose so I backed off and we had a nice little talk about a month ago to make sure we were still long term on the same page (one of us needs reassurance lol). I made a joke today about engagements (we saw a fortune reader at a family style event and we were joking about that) and he said he’s getting a lot of pressure. I stopped and said I was just joking to which he replied and said he knew. I asked if he felt I was pressuring him and he said no but his family is.
I feel torn by this because if he feels pressure to propose which is causing him not to….part of me feels bad but part of me is a little mad he’s holding back because of his family. I feel like every few months I bring up some form of “are we on the same page” and it’s always “yes but I want wait for marriage”. It feels frustrating to feel the need to keep asking but I’m at a loss. His family has been pressuring him since about 3 months into us dating and I don’t want to be that added pressure. What should I do? Am I thinking too much into this? Is there a better way to go about this conversation?
Quick Notes: This isn’t about proposes to who. This is about both being ready. I also fully acknowledge marriage isn’t for everyone and not everyone wants marriage. I specifically do (no I will not explain why) and have always made sure the people I date want the same thing.
Tl;Dr: Boyfriend feels pressure to propose from family and now I feel pressured to not ask.
4 comments
It does kind of seem like he’s stringing you along. He definitely doesn’t want marriage as much as you do.
How to stop adding to the pressure? Stop asking him about marriage every couple of months.
Pretend to be engaged and have a long engagement period until you are both ready. Get engaged in private when only you both know it.
You have made it very clear you are desparate to marry him so he has zero need of actually doing so. He is 1000% confident he has you and needs to do squat to keep you.
He may not even want to be with you.
You are deluded if you think he’ll just casually admit he wants to break up during one of your ‘check ins’ so you maybe need to put that option on the table.