We had been married for 13 years and have a 12 year old son and 10 old daughter. Our marriage had been going mostly fine although he would occasionally lose his temper and yell at me (but would almost immediately apologize.) He had this problem towards others so it wasn’t just me but a lifelong problem.
Today though, he called me from prison and told me he got arrested. Apparently, he was told he would be fired from work due to poor job performance and his attitude at work. After arguing and trying to plead his case, he then punched and tried choking his former boss to death. Security had to be called and he is under arrest. I was horrified and I know this might sound like I’m cruel but I refused to bail him out and told him this marriage is over and to stay somewhere else. The thing that got me was that he said he would do this again if gone free until he got his job back.
What do I do about the future like how to tell my kids their daddy is in jail for attempted murder?
24 comments
You should tell them the truth. The kids shouldn’t be around him. He could take out his temper on them. It better if you and the children could keep away from him.
You did the right thing. Next one he attacks could be one of your kids. Use this time without him to find a place to live and send him divorce papers.
Boss: “You’re being fired due to your poor attitude.”
OP’s Husband: “Bad attitude? I’ll fucking kill you!!!!11”
Through thick and thin ey
Most of us wanna punch our bosses, we just never go thru with it.
You have done the right thing. Protect your family first! It could escalate. Well done.
Story: I was in the office when one of our bosses got whacked. The guy walked out and never came back (and sort of friend of mine). It was deserved imho. He just made the mistake of doing it onsite. As he (the aggressor) was a “traveller” the guy that got hit had no choice but to take it on the chin (😂) and do little about it.
What was even funnier was watching the managers manager running about like a war had started and he had to deal with it. The police were called and surprise surprise they didn’t want to get involved due to the fact they didn’t want to have to go and extract him from where he lived.
He is delusional and needs a medical evaluation, staying there will stop him doing anything to make the situation worse. You are protecting him from doing that.
Start planning life without him and see a lawyer, tell the children what is appropriate for their age which is that he did something wrong and is being investigated and cannot come home until the investigation is done.
You told him that the marriage is done and to stay somewhere else, so prepare that asap as when he does get bail if he does then he will need somewhere else to stay. Be consistent and follow through with actions.
His actions have consequences, this is what happens if you commit a crime. You have to protect your children from someone who is threatening to kill their boss and is thinking that his actions will get his job back. I am sorry this has happened to you.
First: you are NOT cruel and did the right thing by letting him rot in jail and making plans to divorce him.Regarding the children: one day at a time but you do need to tell them what happened, they are old enough to understand, what their father did (maybe spare them the more gruesome details). But don’t back down, sever all ties with him as soon as possible and gently tell your children and try to get help from family/friends.
File for divorce, full custody and get a restraining/no-contact order immediately.
This guy sounds scary…
Hugs . I hope you have a good support system. Lean on everyone you can
It sounds like it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Maybe your husband has been stressed with life for the past decade and a half, and/or maybe he has anger management issues. Do you know if his boss has been mistreating him / verbally abusing him for years? It could have been a [death by 1,000 paper cuts](https://ioadvisory.com/work-problems-1000-papercuts/) type of situation.
This is a guy you’ve been married to for 13 years. Only you can say if it’s worth ending a marriage of that length over this incident. Your husband needs therapy and anger management rehabilitation. He’s a victim of his mental illness. It’s up to you if you want to support him through this as his wife.
This is just my opinion, but you swore to be loyal and supportive to your husband in sickness and in health, good times and bad times. I’m not here to judge you or tell you that you need to stay with your husband after this incident, but I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this topic so you can make an informed and educated decision. Read some of the other comments in this thread and see what resonates with you.
Good luck to you and your family.
Dear God, the title did not prepare me for how truly horrifying this situation was. He tried to CHOKE TO DEATH his boss?! Yes, divorce is the only option and you need to to do everything possible to keep him away from the children.
The act alone is enough to be scared, but the lack of remorse and the threat to do it again? Try for a restraining order.
I truly do wish you and the children the best, and hope you have a great support system in place. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.
As far as the children go, I would suggest (insist on, really) getting a child therapist who can help you figure out how best to handle the situation, because they’ll have a much better understanding of how to approach this delicately.
He told you that he would do it again so believe him, you can’t stop him from doing it again but you can make sure he doesn’t do it to you or your son.
This was not cruel at all, you are doing the right thing considering what he said.
Sounds likt you need to consult with the police too, on how you guys can stay safe when he gets out… he doesn’t seem to handle rejection very well… imagine how he would handle being left by his family…. You absolutely did the right thing, and I hope you and your children stay safe!
>!His boss: “-You know, Bob… a company…is like an enormous clock. It only works if all the little cogs mesh together. A clock must be clean, well lubricated, and wound tight…”!<
>!jokes aside,!< well, your husband is definitely a dangerous person.
have you ever saw he acting like this with you, or something close to this?
it’s very difficult to believe that he did this extreme act only at his job (and worse, he’s almost bragging himself by saying he would do that again, like he did nothing wrong), so do you remember if he act like that before with you or with anyone else?
the way he’s acting, this don’t look like the first time he do something like that, just look like this is the first time he’s facing the consequences of his actions.
You really need to consult a lawyer. If the relationship is over you need to make that legal because trials are long and expensive (if he pleads not guilty) and you may end up liable for some of his debt if you’re still married. You may also want to talk to them about your options as you may want to take your kids to see him, you may not, you may want to keep distance when he’s out. Obviously custody isn’t a problem now but contact is a consideration.
It’s sort of not your problem or obligation, but in your position I’d probably want to speak to his family/friends and just see if they’ll be there to speak to him and support him through the process, and you may also want to pack up and give them his things for safe keeping as you sort the rest of your life out.
And then therapy. You’ll have loads of thoughts and feelings about this. It’s good to speak to someone before you share them with your kids or let them impact other areas of your life.
IMO your kids are old enough to hear an age appropriate version of the truth. It’s unlikely that they didn’t notice your husband’s temper, and be prepared for a variety of emotions from them on the topic, which might include relief.
Finally, if he says he’ll do it again I’d feel a moral imperative to warn the arresting officer as that will be a big factor in whether he gets bail.
Based, I’d choke my boss to death too ngl
Y’all consistently fall for this weak jerry Springer shit. Pathetic
Your children are old enough to understand the truth. Tell them their father was arrested for violently assulting another person and he’s not even sorry and wants to do it again.
Tell them because of this he can no longef be a part of your family, because you don’t know if the next victom is going to be you or your children.
Make sure to get them into therapy to help them navigate this, but also make sure they know exactly what’s going on with their dad.
You did the right thing.
If he could do that to someone who wanted to fire him imagine what he would do to someone who wants to divorce him.
Please only have physical contact with him in very public spaces where help can be sought or with another person who can be a support person for you like maybe a sibling, friend etc.
Prison and jail are two very different things. Right now he’s in jail. He called you from jail. After he gets convicted, then he goes to prison.
You can sometimes get *bailed* out of jail. You get *paroled* from prison.
Making any sense?
> I was horrified and I know this might sound like I’m cruel but I refused to bail him out
I am amazed that you felt this. That you seriously thought people would think you were _cruel_ because you wouldn’t bail out your violent and delusional husband. I feel like your kids have seen some shit even before this event. I really hope therapy is in the future for both you and the kids.
You can’t change someone that doesn’t want to be changed.
Love the commitment! He was probably angry that he lost his way to support his family. Glad he has someone to stick by his side!